Monday, March 28, 2011

Just do it

Nike must be brimming with self-motivating, strong-willed people to have come up with that slogan. I don't know how they (just) do it. I don't just do something. I sit and think and chew the cud and let the mire sink and spores start to grow so I may ponder the intricacies and fallacies of it all, whilst beating around some giant tree, trying to memorize its scientific name and calculating how many species of birds can live in it without tearing each other apart.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


This is a list of Malaysia's current cabinet. Of all the names there, Ministers no. 2, 6 and 7 irk me the most and have often sent my blood pressure skyrocketing (literally ROCKETing :- for those not in the know, the rocket is the symbol of one of the parties in the Opposition Coalition).

I would like Shahrizat Abdul Jalil and Idris Jala to be retained in Cabinet. Am still undecided on Ng Yen Yen despite her having a diploma in reproductive medicine from John Hopkins.

I will be paying close attention to the following in the next few days:-

1) Mohd Khaled bin Nordin (Tertiery Education Minister) - what exactly is the status of our local universities?
2) Douglas Uggah Embas (Natural Resources and Environment) - where was he when the Rajang dried up?
3) Liow Tiong Lai (Health Minister) - chicken or cuckoo?
4) Anifah Bin Haji Aman (Foreign Affairs Minister) - a sitting duck?

Load it up

According to The Star, our Deputy Prime Minister Muhyiddin who is also Chairman of Malaysia Crime Prevention Foundation (MCPF) has said that said members should spread the word of the dramatic reduction in crime rates to assure the public that Malaysia is a SAFE country.

I wasn't sure whether to fall off my chair laughing or spit at the article.

  • Bibles are confiscated unlawfully but hey it's legal because OUR GOVERNMENT thinks the Malay people are too ignorant to decide for themselves.
  • The Government also thinks only Malay people speak Malay while they accuse the non-Malays of failing to berpatuh dalam Bahasa Kebangsaan, both allegations of which are UNTRUE. I believe the word is fitnah.
  • Valentine's Day is branded a Christian tradition and the source of baby dumping in the country.
  • Conglomerates that house grubby political paws get a tap on the knuckles whilst bottom-of-the-ladder pawns get thrown into jail just so justice can be seen to have been served even though we all know it isn't true.
  • The only viable Opposition (PKR) and its leader Anwar is always wasting time battling claims of sexual misconduct.
  • The Court actually handed down an open verdict on the Teoh Beng Hock MURDER which basically means he didn't commit suicide and it wasn't homicide. Wonderful.
  • Our Malaysian Anti Corruption Committee is a farce.
  • Altantuya shall await the real murderer in the afterlife (no harem of virgins for the murderer then).
  • Our national car is still buffered by ridiculous APs and the windows still don't work.
  • Our education system is in shambles thanks to the abovementioned DPM.
  • 14-year olds are married off to 40-year olds and that is not enough to send politicians into an indignant fight for the weak?
  • The impending consequences of the Bakun Dam fiasco has propelled hundreds if not thousands away from Sibu and the surrounding area; so much for creating "city status."
  • We buy second hand submarines for astronomical prices and prove to the world that Malaysians can't count.
Yes, I would say Malaysia is extremely safe. So safe that both the Opposition and the Government are against postal voting because it means the floodgates are opened to the "other" side to play dirty tactics. I will be calling the Election Commission tomorrow about my registration which was never registered. And the day after that. And the day after that. And the day after that. And after that. And after that...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Prolific lack

Lack of probity
Dire lack (of sleep)
In lack
Lacking nothing

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Jon Von bon bon

Congrats Badaq.

Did you see...?

Our Home Minister has had a golden month. First came the dancing around his personal Bible bonfire and then up jumped that sex tape scandal which sounds more boring than reading an Excel chart. It is only those excitable by the perverse, revealing more of their corrupt minds and rotten intentions, who harp on this issue like dogs going after pieces of fresh meat. Does that analogy ring any bells?

I wonder how many jihad points our keris-welding representative will get for stamping his designation all over the Bible. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Rubbing it into our faces only remind and enforce us of reasons why this government and their puppet-stringed, straw-brained cronies must go.

By the way, was I the only one who noticed that he could barely contain his delight when he said the Bukit Aman police would "get to the bottom" of the sex tape scandal? Beaming is the word. Glowing. Like a hormone fuelled teenager who just got told he would be having 99 virgins tend to him for all eternity, eyes all glazed over and dilated, cheeks bursting with pent up laughter. As it is with the Head and Deputy of Sarawak, and much like most other Malaysian politicians, "getting to the bottom" of another side-tracking delay tactic inevitably means it will be put at the bottom of "Things to do after Armageddon."

I may not like Anwar Ibrahim and I tread with caution around perpetually spotted leopards. The great irony is that whilst Anwar has done nothing to swing my vote in his favour, the government has done plenty to convince me that I do not want my country run by coloured bottomed baboons.

Maybe that is why they have failed to process my voting application which was submitted LAST YEAR. (enter expletive)

Sheep or Goat

How do you know if you never challenge?
Is it a biological calling,
Or the divine with a vengeance?

How do you know if you never ask?
Is black really white
Or is the dichotomy too harsh?

How do you know if you never wonder?
Do you chew cud
Or on mountains lumber?

How do you know if you never see?
Your reflection may mislead
It's not all energy.

How do you know if you never dream?
In fearful anticipation
Do you ever scream?

How do you know if you never try?
To flee the fold and wander
To test, be torn assunder.

How can you say that you are standing firm?
When the ground upon which you build your world
Is never allowed to learn?

How do you know if you never search?
You spend quiet moments in the still
I have them in the hurt.

How can you know if it never occurs to you?
That to be sheep or goat
Is not down to how you chew.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Belief is...

the enemy of truth. For example, I'm sure my dried out engine is caused by tomorrow's Supermoon orbit and has nothing to do with a broken water tank. Having said that, I'll stay away from swimming pools for the next few days.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


  • Admission to High Court of Sabah and Sarawak (once necessary payment has been settled)
  • I loathe people who think they are everyone else's be-all-end-all grandfather and/or that everyone HAS to remember their special face once it's been seen once (I don't remember and I don't care; just stop talking to me and if you look at your watch one more time and let me hear that irritating "tsk" again, I will take that watch, smash it against the wall, stomp on it and let out a string of expletives so that you won't even dare bury the mangled remnants of your tick tock)
  • A little initiative please. Don't blame me for not telling you the corpse is dead.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Countdown to BKK III

We will be eating a lot of food and getting up at 5am. I have a feeling I won't be sleeping much this holiday (do I ever?). Will probably have a post entitled "The Grumpy Face of Hedonism."


There is a reason why I'm wary of supposed prophesying. Be it a foretelling or forthtelling, the weight of human influence and observation may too often appear the catalyst for verbal garble instead of divine instruction. A lethal combination of psychological glitches, mass hysteria (or the lemming effect as I call it) and hypnotism are sufficient markers to denote that the human psyche isn't the best foundation, medium or mode upon and through which to build or conduct "purely objective" interpretation of any given subject or as prophesy may have it, theocentric messages.

Call me cynical if you must; there are worse things to be. (permalink)

To bring Tennyson, Luther and Calvin together, even if it looks like my faith had fallen asleep and I hear a voice 'believe no more' and it appears to the eyes of others that I have tumbled in the Godless deep, I defy them for whatever I face, like a child in doubt and fear, it is mine to struggle and God's alone to judge, that blind clamour made me wise, and even were I as a child that cries, I realize I am struggling for a reason, and wouldn't I a thousand times a child crying, knows his Father near than live in blissful ignorance in His wrath.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Glimpses through a window

Life right now's pretty good even if I feel I know more of less each day. When will I start knowing more of more? Imagine having an exponential power surge in knowledge. The uncertainties of infinity smell like a deep freezer.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

What I (think) I really want...

is to be an archaeologist or a paleontologist or an anthropologist... yeah... I always wanted to be the person who discovered some super dinosaur and put it up in the museum. Now, THAT's fun. Probably triggered by rounds of Jurrasic Park. How FUN do you that that'll be? These days the old dream has been awakened by reruns of Bones.

Friday, March 11, 2011

I dream of sharks

"I am going to learn scuba diving" is something I never thought I'd say. I verily believe that I would rather hurl myself out of a palm oil propelled jet at 28,000 feet than be surrounded by a mass of unpredictable terror called water. I'm the kind of person who believes (occasionally) that a shark will get me on the 8th floor of a tiny hotel swimming pool and that the presence of annoying children is sufficient to 'scare' the shark away. I'm also the kind of person who 'believes' that the swimming pool floor can actually open into itself and jaws will come rushing out to get me. On very rare occasions (but an occasion nevertheless) I find myself unable to open my eyes when in the shower because I 'believe' a shark will be swimming mid-air emerging from the white tiles of my bathroom ready to chew half my face up.

Maybe I just like driving my nervous wreck over the edge (like the way I was doing 110 on the road today and the time I freefalled with a bicycle) because in that brief moment of surreal subconsciousness, nerves have no say whatsoever and reality is suspended. Freud will have something to say about that I'm sure.

So for someone with such self-imposed masochistic tendencies in the unbelievable, I believe I have taken adrenaline to new heights when I say breathlessly, "I am going to learn scuba diving."

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Toxic detox

Culprit: Juvanex When: 2 sachets with breakfast and lunch/dinner respectively
Detox Buddy: TTY who FFK
Dietary adjustments made: nil (had the usual suspects: garlic bread, nuggets, pizza, coke, shandy, fatty duck, noodles, rice, custard buns, seafood, kitkat, coffee, tea...)
Lifestyle adjustments made: nil (went for jogs/ shopping/ work as usual)
Results:- see bottom of page

Day 1
Mild headache - what's new?
Mild dizziness - this is new
Heart palpitations - psychosomatic?
Rumbly tummy or intestines or pancreas... do pancreases rumble?
No spectacular toilet acrobatics and did not pee like cow contrary to warnings
General tiredness
Slept by 9.30pm

Day 2
Mild to moderate headache throughout the day
Aching joints
Throbbing jugular
Going through similar sensations akin to the eve of a migraine attack
Dry mouth
More than average tiredness during the day until adrenaline kicked in when deadlines approached
Jelly thighs - no joke; my usually hard as rock thighs felt like a lumpy mattress (flyer says it's cos toxins are being transported by my lymphatic system yatta yatta)
Big dump
Slept at 1.30am

Day 3
More energized that usual in the morning (considering it was a Saturday)
Big dump
No more nausea or headache
Does skin look clearer? Maybe it's a placebo effect
Maybe peeing slightly more than usual
Weighed myself - same weight
Slept at 2.00am

Day 4
I think my face alone is producing more oil than Spain
Friends say I look "sunburnt"
Big dump

Day 5
Woke up with headache going at 3.1 on the Richter scale
General tiredness
Constricted chest

Day 6
Nothing not even a peep squeak except the usual business in the loo. Either Juvanex has given up on my dire intestinal battlefield or there's nothing left to clean out. Still don't feel very clean though.

Day 7
Zit breakout
General tiredness - nothing new
Am more interested in a scab on my nose which I keep peeling...

Weight loss: nil
Energy levels: fluctuating
Did it work? I suppose only an endoscopy can tell...

Monday, March 07, 2011

Optical illusion

Woke up with a great stonking headache and leg cramps after waking up in sweat over dreams that I was about to be kidnapped by 4 people because my car door wouldn't lock. Moral of the dream: NEVER LET ANYONE BACK YOU INTO A CORNER PRETENDING TO PROTECT YOU FROM A VAGRANT ON THE OTHER SIDE BECAUSE THE VAGRANT IS PART OF THE PLAN!!!

Going to get my first pair of contacts this week. At my optic check up last night (Forgive me Doctor for I have sinned, my last optic check up was over a year ago) I was told my left eye had deteriorated by 100 points and my right eye had improved by 50 points. my astigmatism had increased by 50 points each eye. Was also told my left eye had "no power" which was enough to send me straight into the arms of Bing, Bambini and Chai Latte.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Countdown to BKK II

  • Read "Bridge over River Kwai" 
  • Ride elephant
  • Eat
  • Admire temple architechture
  • Eat
  • Hug tiger
  • Kiss tiger
  • Eat
  • Shop
  • Visit "Death Railway"
  • Eat grasshopper
  • Eat
  • Shop
  • Ride horse
  • Visit floating market
  • Read
  • Eat
  • Shop
  • Look for one-of-a-kind jewellery
  • Restrain from emptying bank account when shopping