Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Hungry Horse

I'm still buzzing from my ride yesterday. I'm so happy, I'm hungry.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


I have horse poo on my shoes.
Horse fart in my face.
Horse smell in my hair.
Horse dirt under my fingernails.
Horse feed in my jeans.
Horse snort on my top.
Horse hair on my skin.
Horsey ache everywhere.
I am walking like a crab. Again.

Deliriously happy.

Friday, July 23, 2010

When alter ego wakes up

I feel the need to enter a disclaimer that I'm not against the wearing of pearls, rosaries or cravats.

Will explain the picture another time. If you want to get ahead of me, the post 2 entries down might shed some light. Alternatively, this might give you a hint -> 2W2L Feel free to offer constructive criticism on my artistic interpretation and limitations.

Better than life

Paid a house visit yesterday. Caught more than just a virus which I'm trying to fix with antibiotics. I found a memory.

Have a read and a listen to John Piper: Doing Missions when Dying is Gain.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The lucky number

I missed who was number 44,444 on my blog. If you know it was you, pray tell.

Chinese people like the number 4 as much as Westerners like the number 13. "4" sounds like "die" you see. They avoid the number on cars, telephone numbers and house numbers. Should your car bear the number plate 4444 or 9994 or something similar to that effect, chances are you will be rammed into by a kamikaze mystique hell bent on fulfilling prophecy or you may suddenly discover a wide open road as other vehicles huddle on the curb avoiding you like the devil himself. "9" in Chinese, sounds like "very." You do the maths.

My mum sometimes tells me I'm asking for trouble when I flirt with taboo.

I don't understand. Maybe I'm just stupid.

People through the ages have been running scared of Death. Inventing things to postpone the inevitable torture of Death. Everything from hubristic science to Feng Shui speaks of man's inabilty to control, man's futile attempts to try and man's destiny to die.

Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment,
~ Hebrews 9:27 ~

Even now, for some reason (or maybe I'm just in denial :p) I can't look a day past 28 years. I have romanticized morbid notions of being torn apart by a hungry lion (probably the influence of Beauty & the Beast creeping in) in the middle of Africa, even though the closest I've been to Africa is through the eyes of the Lion King.

Maybe I'm an idealist. Maybe, just maybe I am actually, stupid. Maybe it's a possible streak of bi polar running through. Maybe it's a masochistic element of a troubled mind. Maybe it's asking for help. Maybe it sounds like I've given up.

If Death were the end of the road, then yes, not keeping an eye out for Death with his sickle would be foolishness. But beyond Death, there is a bridge. A path beyond Death? Hard to imagine. But Death, he's one smart cookie. He keeps making scary faces at you so that you won't want to look at him; so that you won't be able to look past him and see that there's continuation after Death. The world sees Death wagging his ears and it quickly covers its face to hide from the horrible sight. For a lifetime the world walks in circles until Death claims his dues, bringing down the bitter sting of judgment, failure and damnation in a blood bath of regret.

It is easy to boast that I can face Death and win. The bravest of us dream of it. The smartest of us will postpone the duel. The strongest of us will go down fighting but they will go down.

But to some, a golden pass has been bought. To some a sign is given. And those to who the pass is given are told that there is a road beyond Death. To convince our minute minds even more, the Person who bought the golden pass has faced Death and won! He dances over the bridge... wait... He is the bridge. How can this be? It is hard to imagine. Harder to word. Hard to look past Death; he does his job very well. Hardest to believe that in the face of Death's terrifying horror, this golden pass is all I need. That trusting Jesus is all I need. So when I face Death and show him the golden pass, may I remember to say, trembling as I may,

"O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?"
~ 1 Corinthians 15:55 ~

So I echo the words of Charles Wesley, "And can it be that I should gain an interest in the Saviour's blood? Died He for me? Who caused His pain? For me? Who him to Death pursued! Amazing love! How can it be? That thou my God shouldst die for me!"
Having said ALL that, I think people would still frown upon me choosing 444 as my house number.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Sometimes it's not just my digestive system which is slow. We were studying about WORRY's place in our Christian lives on Friday; whether WORRY manifested itself as OCD or a healthy concern. I know for a fact that OCD can crown himself king of my WORRY turning me, by default, into a vicious cycle of self-reliance and paranoia.

In some horrible way, I really do serve myself, my wants and my needs. I want to do mission work. I WANT. I want to learn more. I WANT. I want a bigger car. I WANT.

Gets a bit annoying doesn't it?

To all my "I WANTs," God has put his stamp of disapproval, turning my self-reliant circle smaller and smaller in on itself until I find myself facing my own tail in a tiny goldfish bowl. And when I think that I have to be resigned to spending the rest of my life in a goldfish bowl, suddenly God directs my myopic eyes upwards and outwards.

It is not that I have been swimming in a goldfish bowl but that I have been living like I swim in one.


I wanted to name my new puppy Jabba but my mum doesn't approve of the new puppy for reasons I will not mention and so now I have to choose another puppy. I don't think I can look at any other puppy in the eye and sincerely call it "Jabba" and not mean the other puppy so now I'm thinking of new names.

Chewbacca is my black & white collie purchased from Woolworths and I really don't want to name it Darth Vader even if it is all black and crippled. Cash, Sally, Troy, Brownie, Comet, Buck, Gypsy and Deuce have all been taken. I have reserved "Charlie Brown" for the Bullmastiff I will definitely get try get approval for in the future. Tommy is the name of the Rottie whose name I would have tattooed on myself had he given me more affection.

Am somewhat toying with the idea of Zwickau, Muntzer and Conrad Grebel. Alternatively, I think Sredni Vashter would make a great name. One could say it with such aplomb. Or Arlington Stringham. Or Dougal McGuire. Lynn would say, "Call it Hufflepuff."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Monday, July 19, 2010

And there she goes..

Feeling much better after shower and brushing my teeth.

Sheets smell of lavender. I smell of passionfruit. Feet smell of green apples.


I'm not kidding

Love like summer rain

Frankly, there is not one day that goes by when my temper isn't stirred or my irk isn't challenged. What irk? Sometimes I prance about as if the Queen of Sheba has arrived. I deserve to be laughed at. Mocked. Ridiculed. Put ass ears on my head and make me bray.

Silly, isn't it? What really do I have to get upset about? Let me list the silliest thing I can recall this week.

Falling into a sulky tantrum because I couldn't find marshmallows in the house to dip into my chocolate fondue.

Today, I'm happy. I will try remember "TODAY" so that the next time I fall into a sulk, I will remember that it is possible to be happy. I am happy. How did that happen? The cross has said it all.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


Went riding today b-a-r-e-b-a-c-k.

I think I split my pelvis, cervix and coccyx.

Soooooooo happy.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Weeping in the Valley of a shared Vision


The annoyance of an inefficient postal system gave way to the glee of finally having received the long-awaited mystery surprise.

The happiness at having presents to open gave way to the wonder at your choice of encouragement (like you read my mind).

The wonder gave way to joy that we share in Christ; His goodness is infinitely unparalleled;

Joy gave way to humility;

Humility to surrender;

Surrender, sacrifice.

God sent me a dream last night. I believe it started with you. Or with God when He led you to choose the present. Probably God... Yeah, definitely (haha).

Thank you for reminding me of things I have never mentioned. Of things too heavy to word. Of hurt we share living in a fallen world. Of sorrow we cannot fully share even as we reach out for comfort.

I can't wait for the day when there will be no more tears or sadness or pain or shame or loss for those of us who have been bound up in the blood of Jesus. I can't wait for the day when we wake up from day dreaming and realize that we are living the dream. Living. Running. Breathing. The dream! The wait will be so worth it. It's better than Christmas. It started with Christmas. Before Christmas. How awesome is that??!!

When You lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn't be my decision
It's here Your glory shines bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley's where You make me
More like Christ.
~In the Valley; Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

Love you lots. xoxo

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Yesterday... today

Went for a stress relieving waddle in Stutong yesterday.
My butt aches today.

Went for seafood dinner last night.
My mouth still smells of garlic even after 3 Extra mints, 2 wads of chewing gum and 2 sessions of teeth and tongue brushing.

Went for Holo-across-river last night after seafood dinner.
Want to go again.

Gushed over Kuching City from across river last night and said it looked like a mini Shanghai or Hong Kong.
Realized that I may have over-over exagerated but Kuching is still pretty.

Friday, July 09, 2010


It's Friday evening.

I will finally hit the road reunited with my Reebs!
I have aggression to burn.
I am going to see horses and maybe ride. 
I am going to "babysit" EIGHT puppies over the weekend.
One of the puppies will eventually be mine.
His name shall be called Jabba ('the Hot').
Don't tell my brother - he thinks I give lame names...
Life goes on and it goes UP! (and down... but that's another story)

Proactive not prozac

Debs: Feeling better today!!!

Debibo: You weirdo. Last night you were a mess. And the dreams you were making me process last night were mad.

Debs: True, true, but LOOK at my shoes this morning. They're red! *starts singing "Oh Happy Day"*

Debibo: So what happened yesterday?

Debs: Bad hair day.

Debibo: Sounded worse than that.

Debs: A girl's gotta rant right? Cest la vie. Carpe diem. Phileo Damansara, Kuching and everything in between. But a bad hair day can make everything go ummm...

Debibo: Hair wire? *smirk*

Debs: I waaaaaas going to say that.... a bit punny, no?

Debibo: Very punny.

Debs: Punny, puny, puree, purdy...

Debibo: So have you come out of the big dipper yet?

Debs: Maaaybe... it depends

Debibo: On?

Debs: Are you going to buy me chocolate today?

Debibo: Really?

Debs: I've used up all my endorphins. I need to restock.

Debibo: Will Chipsmore work?

Debs: Too much flour. Keep guessing.

Debibo: Bounty?

Debs: I don't like coconut. Wubba wubba...


Debibo: Right.....

Debs: Right! *still smiling*

Debibo: Rocher.......

Debs: I don't feel like texture right now... but any other day, yes Rocher!

Debibo: No texture? Nutrageous (no*) Kinder Bueno (no*) Picnic (no*) Mars (no*) Crunchie (no*) Snickers (no*) Lion (no*)

Debs: I said "No texture lah." Go smoother.

Debibo: Hersheys (no*) Aero (no*) Aero Mint (no*) Galaxy (no*) Cadbury (no*)

Debs: Give it more oomph. Chocolate with OOMPH. Think mega special. S-P-E-C-I-A-L.

Debibo: The melt-and-die in your mouth type?

Debs: Go on!! *grinning and drooling at the same time if possible*

Debibo: Lindt? Guy Lian?

Debs: Warm

Debibo: Now we're getting somewhere! Thorntons?

Debs: Warmer. Top-of-fondue warm.

Debibo: Godiva...

Debs: Chilli chocolate fudge warm... keep going!

Debibo: Give me a clue.

Debs: Remember that bridge I wanted to jump off?

Debibo: *whispers* I believe there were quite a few...

Debs: *singing* "And how can I ever refuse? I feel like I win when I looooose..."

Debibo: Waterloo! Le Maison...

Debs: Yes, please. *beams* 85% cocoa. Don't make me wait til Christmas. Love you.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

How many times?


Lord, I got no more tears to cry,
Someone has hurt me, done me wrong,
I’m walking wounded, oh,

Lord, this pain is a knife of fire,
Why does it have to turn out this way?
Why to the innocent seem to pay?

How many times must I stand in the waves of this crashing sea?
How many times must I forgive all the hurt that’s been done to me,
let the jury go, set the sinner free?
Oh, seventy times seven.

Lord, I really don’t understand,
I’m looking ‘round for some stones to throw,
You’re telling me I should let it go.

How many times must I stand in the waves of this crashing sea?
How many times?
I hear what you’re saying inside of me, but I don’t understand the mystery,
Oh, seventy times seven.

How may times have you wept from the anguish of all my shame?
How many times have I nailed up on the cross of pain?
You bled from a broken heart and I was to blame,
Seventy times seven,

Over and over again,
Seventy times seven,

Lord, you know just how hard I have tried,
Seventy times seven,

Gotta see that I’m hurting inside,
Seventy times seven,

Don’t you know that my pride is at stake?
Seventy times seven,

So, tell me how much one should take,
Seventy times seven.


A knife of fire is something I know too much, too often. Sometimes like a bitter pill, we just have to swallow and bear it because there comes a point when empathy and sympathy from others just can't cut it anymore. Always, I fall into the same trap. Always the trap appear a promise of good things to come but slashes deep when it gets close and leaves gaping wounds that may never fill in this lifetime.

I may have piercings for you to see but a pierced heart who can tell? Yet the full cost of the true wounds I bear has been lifted from my shoulders. At times like this, how can I leap in jubilation when I can barely move from the foot of the Cross?

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Hey Gumby

My dog is back to her yappy self :)

Hey Tall, I gave her chicken breast like you said.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Essence for dog

My poor doggy has been infested with ticks and fleas. Washing and scrubbing with commercial anti-tick shampoos only seemed to increase the ticks' reproductivity so I had to resort to the ultimate anti-tick wash.

Although the tick-wash worked its magic, since Sunday my dog has been melancholic and emo, if a dog could ever be one; this coming from a dog which if were human, would resemble an octegenarian prancing about in a rainbow coloured tutu. Yesterday I was worried that I had accidentally poisoned her using the tick-wash because she didn't give me her usual mad "high five" or try tattoo my legs with red streaks. I haven't heard a peep-squeak out of her when usually she maintains her high-pitched bark in annoyance at her own fur flying about in the cage.

She was so low in energy and so dull in expression that I reached for the first thing that came to mind.

Maybe there'll be a difference this evening.

Brands Chicken Essence; good for your dog; good for you.