Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Short sighted?

I handed my notice of resignation in yesterday.

Some think I'm crazy. Even more so when I don't have a 'back-up' job.

So why do it? It could be that Debibo went off on a tangent and decided to do something irrational and impulsive for a laugh or to prove a point or to annoy people on purpose or to complicate things a little. Or maybe it just so happened that she was living in a Puss-in-Wonderland fairytale in her mind and was of unsound mind albeit momentarily (I hear people snickering).

I guess it boils down to your priorities. In this case, you could say mine have changed. Do I really need the imported metallic car and potential 5 figure salary when I don't have sleep, rest or health? When I don't have joy, does anything else matters? Can anything els matter? When I don't have the heart, can any training stir me to action?

Up to 2 weeks ago thoughts of UK were in the cards raring to go, waiting with baited breath. Then I go home. And for the first time since I left home (again) in 2003, I didn't want to leave.

But KL has an energy; an addictive energy that pumps the adrenaline by the gallon and there is opportunity here, work aside, the opportunity to continue learning, to grow with like-minded people. It's not like Cranium and Taboo only exist in Kuching... and there're no horses in Kuching to ride, no zorbing, no Bukit Gasing, FRIM or Melati. No Pasta Zanmai, no roadside chee cheong fun, no crucial decision-making MNCs to work for, less money, less opportunity...if I see my wavelengths and patterned thoughts in visuals and colour, mine run foul of the "way things should be" and I have my reservations about acceptance and re-belonging; the only 2 Bahasa Sarawak words I know are manok and pusak :(.

Kuching is simply, not KL.

So why not change jobs and stay in KL?

Because there has to be a reason why after all this time running away I am ready to go home. I am ready to submit to what I have been escaping from. And I have to find out why.

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