Friday, October 30, 2009

Hidden dangers

Some secrets we discover hit us like a snooker ball in the chest. Others creep up on us, terrorizing our sleep patterns and haunting our daydreams. Yet others unveil at a most opportune time how close we could have been to teetering over the horizon and into the unknown.

I thought that by giving up my succulent portions of deliciously greasy and crispy Indian pancake for breakfast (roti canai), I would achieve the weight loss I had always been looking for, replacing my mornings with a hot drink and if absolutely necessary (which I must emphasise for those who know my addiction to chocolate, were few and far between), a chocolate chip muffin. Nearly half a year later, my no-breakfast policy shows little effect (actually it shows a lot of effect which I would rather it not!) and I am close to throwing myself into a liquid-only diet to try lose calories my body magnetically attracts.

Today suddenly in coversation I found that my nemesis for weight loss lay quietly hiding in my daily morning cup of chocolate malt (Milo). To make things worse, I was discreetly informed that my so-called weight-loss breakfast was more calorific than any ammunition the greasiest Indian pancake could attack me with.

Great.

Wonderful.

After some deliberation, I figured that my waistline was more important to me than the potential of hurting the coffee lady's feelings by telling her I wasn't going to have anymore morning chocolate malts.

Let's see how much I lose by Christmas. CW: 5x.xxkg; GW: 48kg.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A girl can truly hope...



Botkier Sasha Duffel Large in Orange. Please.

Post script: Pa, this hint is not directed at you kay?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Ashley didn't tag me

Ashley said: "Rewrite the answers and repost. Tag me back, I wanna read yours too."

1. I've come to realize that my hair:
Can look good after a salon wash and massage

2. I've come to realize that when I talk:
I mumble

3. I've come to realize that all I really need:
I already have

4. I've come to realize that I've lost:
My stapler at work :(

5. I've come to realize that I hate it when:
People breathe down my neck in the train or while waiting in queue

6. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk:
I act exactly the same as when I'm sober

7. I've come to realize that money:
Can get you a window seat with Air Asia

8. I've come to realize that when I get old:
I'll be older than I am now

9. I've come to realize that I'll always be:
Shorter than I think I am

10. I've come to realize that I have a crush on:
Superman, Indiana Jones and Batman

11. I've come to realize that the last time I cried was:
Sunday night.

12. I've come to realize that my cell phone:
Can be used for other things other than calling and texting

13. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the mornings:
My brain switches to autopilot until lunchtime

14. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night:
I sniff menthol variations like a druggie

15. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
My work

16. I've come to realize that my life:
Can be beautiful

17. I've come to realize that my favourite drink is:
Chilled Yeo's Green Tea (in the can)

18. I've come to realize that today I will:
Have to finish processing 37 files before I can go home

19. I've come to realize that tonight I will:
Be processing 37 files

20. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will:
Wonder why I didn't look through 37 files

21. I've come to realize that I really want to:
Learn how to make kuih lapis, sew a patchwork quilt and own a kimono dressing gown

22. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to re-post this is:
Someone like me

23. I've come to realize relationships are:
Sacrificial

24. I've come to realize that love:
Is sacrificial

25. I've come to realize my best guy friend(s):
May not hang out with each other

26. I've come to realize my best girl friend(s):
Are people I share food with

27. I've come to realize food is:
Glorious

28: I've come to realize that this weekend:
I will be doing what I've wanted to do in a long time

29. I've come to realize heartbreak:
Lasts longer than one would like it to

30. I've come to realize that the last person I liked:
May not have been the best thing for me

31. I've come to realize that my brother(s):
Is very good looking and... (insert accolades) and I'm very proud of him and I will personally slam the girl who dares break his heart into a brick wall.

32. I've come to realize that crying:
Can be used to one's advantage

33. I've come to realize that death:
Has lost its sting if you put your faith in Jesus

34. I've come to realize that if I'm sick:
If?

35. I've come to realize when I'm bored:
I do quizzes, tags and memes like this one

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sarah's Chat

As if talking to Sarah online isn't enough, I've made her stay up til past 1am the last 2 nights when I was back in my hometown doing little else but talking. Note: Whilst 1am is not generally late for young working adults, in Kuching it is :) So after chats over chocolate mints and playing 3 rounds of UNO Stacko (which I won consecutively - nyek nyek) about my mood swings and dot dot dot and dot dot dot (and the other) what did we decide on?

1) I'm going to try to not live in the past
2) I'm going to be optimistic about the future
3) I need to set realistic standards for myself and for others
4) I should give myself a break
5) I'm going to give other people a chance and take chances myself

Easy to say. I can sense my breath getting shorter just thinking about trying to let go.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Repetitive

I have nothing...

...to wear

to work...

...tomorrow

AGAIN!!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Fasting

I can't fast... for the right reasons.

The days I 'try' to fast are spent less thinking about God and more thinking about how much weight I'll lose.

Obssession.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Branding

Puppies can make anything romantic.


For the full range of cuteness go here.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Three little letters...

Can turn gorge into gorgeous :)


By golly, the Promise Land was more or less a candlelit bathtub of milk and honey overlooking the sea and the Israelites were still not satisfied. What were they waiting for? A jacuzzi?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Quiet time

I have a hoard of problems you don't know about.

Many I will never tell.

Often I try to find it in me to solve the mess. To resolve the issue. To set the standard.

I need to surrender myself and find it in Him.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Girly Day

Step 1: Wake Up (good morning beautiful)


Step 2: Face mask


Step 3: Buff nails






Step 6: Shower


Step 7: Set hair




Step 9: Perfumery


Step 10: Night out on the tiles with Tyng Yng and Wai Nyan on a cupcake tasting spree


P/s Tyng wasn't well and Wai Nyan and I had no ride so the day ended with eating chicken kurma and magazine reading in the canteen across the street. But the day hasn't quite ended yet - we'll see.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Changing courses

An excerpt from the twelfth day after the day that was.

Several people I know didn’t think my decision to leave work was the wisest one to make. I think I’ve had money bet on enough long shots in the past for them not to be all that surprised by my announcement. My yardstick of long shots is still sulking before a public exam in grade 6 until dad allowed me the small pleasure of watching the last 30 minutes of The New Adventures of Superman or to be more precise, my then mega crush, Dean Cain. The sulking wasn’t fun and I don’t even remember what I watched but for a 12-year old, I felt that the small victory made a huge impact on my staying power as a person albeit one infatuated with a made-believe man from Krypton who didn’t know I existed.

I was still hearing the incessant thud of heavy-hearted words echoing through my not-so-hollow head as I boarded the train. Running simultaneously as I gazed out of the window were the lyrics to “On Top of the World” by the Carpenters and the ironic ending to Karen Carpenter. The train stopped at a station. Our dependence on routine is most acute when it is disrupted. We waited for the train to resound its familiar warning of closing doors but none came. So we waited and waited and waited yet further. The world became dark as night glowed with the setting of the sun and yet we waited. I could see the moist, pink-tinged membrane of my eye through the reflection in the window but I couldn’t see the opaque orb itself. It made for a gruesome moment; watching what I could look like if I had no eyes. The question going through my mind during that morbid period was less “What would I see?” and more “How would I see things differently?”

As people became visibly agitated, I started thinking about what people had said about staying the course instead of leaving nearly a decade of Law. I imagined that the train was the journey and that stops were where people made their choices whether to stay or to go.

As people left, I contemplated where they might head to or if they would reach the destination they had set out to in the beginning or if their desired aim changed with the evolving circumstances they found themselves in.

Some stood with one foot on the train and one on the platform as if waiting for a better offer to come along but not really prepared to leave their current situation in the hope that things might pan out.

The girl sitting directly in front of me seemed to be staring at me without looking at me. Her face wore a blank expression of sallowed canvass, her steadfast eyes seemed to glaze-over, silently screaming at something the others around her couldn’t see. She made me think of a large fish, a trout perhaps, or a guppy, trapped beneath a surface of ice, pressing its eyeball to the glass ceiling as if trying to breathe by seeing. For the briefest of moments, I wanted to shake her to make sure she hadn’t actually just died there on the train. That would certainly have made for headlines.

It would however, have provided an ironic perspective to ‘Leisure’ by WH Davies:-

What is this life if full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?

I stayed on the train. I guess it was a premonition of where I find myself now.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The poise of a fire hydrant

#morning shuffling#

Person X: Morning Debbie!

#Debbie gives small wave. Walks over to stand next to person X.#

Person X: You're looking nice today!

Debbie: #gives look of disbelief# What do you mean? I'm all in black. There's no colour.

Person X: Yes, it's nice! You're wearing all black and then you have these *touches* earrings and your gold shoes match the black. And you've tied your hair up. Very nice.

Debbie: I just pulled it out of my cupboard cause I couldn't fit into anything else. This is comfortable. #tugs to show ample room - emphasising that I wear clothes that are tent-shaped#

Person X: No, you haven't put on weight! You used to be chubby when you first started but now you've kurus badan (lost weight).

Debbie: No-lah, no-lah. I weighed myself. I'm heavier now than I was before the accident.

Person X: So how heavy are you?

Debbie: XX.XXkg

Person X: Nooooo!! Can't be. I'm XX.XXkg and you don't look like that! Your weighing scale must be salah (wrong). I use the digital one.

Debbie: Is it? (knowing I also used a digital weighing scale)

Later that day..... in Chief's office.

Chief: Nice earrings!

Debbie: #holding files and wondering if it's a decoy comment for somethng else# Oh... ok.

~ I think I want to slap myself. I have completely forgotten how to say thank you. ~

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Twisted aid

Paranoia helps when you think everyone is so free to sue you over every little thing. Even grammatical mistakes.

I had to make a decision call for someone else today. Still shaking. I wonder if mum thought that when she signed me up to school.

Monday, October 12, 2009

All I need...

It takes very little to tip the scale.

Finding only 6 dollars in your wallet.
Not having feet that smell like roses.
Feeling like a rolly-polly.
Answering one more thoughtless query.
Stepping in another dirty puddle.
Realizing that realism is overtaking fantasy.
Standing up for someone who you knew betrayed you.
Sleeping in fresh sheets.
Knowing that friends really do care.
Even though they get annoyed when you turn up an hour late at the station.
And reduce you to the Hufflepuff clan of Harry Potter.
Friends who organize dim sum brunch.
Or remember to keep that magazine with pretty pictures in it just for you to see.
Or call when they see you on MSN.
Or look after your other friends.
Watching long-lost cartoons you thought you'll never see again.
Because someone created YouTube.
Looking at old photographs.
Hearing someone's voice on the phone.
And wondering if your own has changed as much.
Wondering where joy started.
Realising it was probably always there.
Remembering that I am about you.
Because "U" is ace even when I am feeling like "U" is an "S."
Saying sorry.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Elena's Legacy


What?? No gum-drop buttons?? Shocking. I'm sure Simon could take him down easily :p

Friday, October 09, 2009

Having Fun Sleeping In

Yay. Work was not completely awful today even though I had a splitting migraine and was trying to draft an advisory with my hand cupped over my left eye trying to suction my eyeball out.Will have to go in tomorrow which is a Saturday (dang!) and have put on 5kg as of today since the the beginning of June this year (boo!!) but will smell like aloe and kenzo tonight as I snuggle into bed. Yay.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Unwell

Migraine. Joints cramped. Fingers cramp. Ankles hurt. Shoulder blades ache. Area between shoulder blades aches. Pelvic aches. Neck strained. Eye balls popping. Jaw stiff. Hard to breathe. It hurts when I stand. It hurts when I sit.

Trying to diagnose myself online. It could be :-

Dehydration
Diabetes
Tiredness in the muscles
Pregnancy
Lead poisoning
Excess intake of alcohol
Medications
Decrease in the potassium levels
Neuromuscular disorders

There's a reason I'm in the most comfortable baby purple (instead of baby blue) fleece and look like I belong in a psyche ward instead of an office.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Rebuilding

Sometimes it's tiring to try look for silver linings. Just ride out the storm and stop being so bloody cheerful all the time.

Picture courtesy of Imageshack.

Friday, October 02, 2009

No Eat Crow

"When all the cows were sleeping
And the sun had gone to bed
Up jumped the scarecrow
And this is what he said!

I'm a dingle, dangle scarecrow
With a flippy floppy hat
I can shake my hands like this
And shake my feet like that

When all the hens were roosting
And the moon behind the cloud
Up jumped the scarecrow
And shouted very loud

I'm a dingle, dangle scarecrow
With a flippy floppy hat
I can shake my hands like this
And shake my feet like that

When the dogs were in the kennels
And the doves were in the loft
Up jumped the scarecrow
And whispered very soft

I'm a dingle, dangle scarecrow
With a flippy floppy hat
I can shake my hands like this
And shake my feet like that

I'm a dingle, dangle scarecrow
With a flippy floppy hat
I can shake my hands like this
And shake my feet like that!!!"

I had to sing this song in kindergarten (pre-elementary). I remembered wearing this pink frilly thing. I remembered that my competitor jumped all over the place. I remembered my competition was a boy. More importantly, I remembered not winning.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Time to deliver

A lot can happen in 9 months...

The end of my tri-semester hits tomorrow.

And then comes the long process of s*** in your face, negotiation tactics and realizing you're even less than less prepared for what you signed up for, with the occasional proud moment when your little monster receives an award of some sort to help the Principal promote himself to the Education board.