Friday, June 26, 2009

So not ready

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere ~ Psalm 84:10

I used to think I could take anything thrown at me; now I'm not so sure if I'm ready for anything. Yesterday definitely set my personal precedent for being an emotional wreck, startling people who knew me as a stoic (and I'm not talking about Michael Jackson's demise). Even now the remnant of emotional resurgence threatens and listening to Jacko on the airwaves reminds me that even genius is temporary and what counts is deeper than what can be tangibly calculated and measured.

Imagining what could be is never the same as having to go through what is and yet what is now is more that even what I imagined now would be. I had always thought that cracking was a sign of weakness but since this pot finally cracked, I realise that strength lies not in the absence of imperfection but in the face of it. If anything, I wear my battle scars with pride; I have endured and I have resolved to continue persevering.

Maybe in living through all the doubt, I might be more ready than I give myself credit for. Now, if only I could make sense of what I just wrote...

No comments: