Monday, April 06, 2009

Doctrine

Back to Theology class tonight for another semester inevitably capped with a never-failing, gut-wrenching, heart-rendering, "I don't know anything!!!!!!!" *sob* when exams loom round the corner. Compared to my uni days when I had all the time in the world to sit in parks and wonder why God created elephant-shaped clouds, I now rarely have time to chew on a good mouthful of Theology, let alone leave it to ruminate so Theology classes (and exams) despite the ego-whacking it gives, are definitely things to look forward to.

However, having less time to digest scripture doesn't mean it leaves the periphery. Every day I have to deal with inner prejudices and the practical side of living in a Christ-centered way; it is an actively engaging battle, not a perceptively passive one. When someone steps on my foot in the LRT I have to train my mind not to silently yell expletives. When certain individuals stir my irk, I have to grin and not just bear it but see the positive side of things. When someone scowls at me for no valid reason, I have to try see things from her point of view; she could after all be having it much worse than me. When timetables don't run smoothly, I have to remember that I love the person more than I love efficiency.

Often, there is a thrill of being challenged mentally; to push the constraints of my mind as far as it will go (or as far as my companions' minds will allow!) and to strain to understand God better because it excites me to know more about the Almighty Awesomeness whom I love. However, when push comes to shove, there really is no use in me knowing so much and practising so little. I'd rather know little and practise it all than know a lot and practise none of it.

Having said that, the battle rages not just on the outside with external factors beyond our control but on the inside too; morality declaring warfare on the petty whims and fancies of our heart. I'm sure that even as "decent" human beings, let alone Christians, many can identify with the desire for betterment or improvement, whatever form it may take, be it righteousness or self-righteousness.

Possibly the only difference (if there is one) is, I know what I'm living for. In the words of Meredith Brooks:

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint,
I do not feel ashamed.

2 comments:

smart[a]lex said...

hi~ haven been to ur blog for a long time~^^

u studying theology?

Debibo said...

hey YT :)

studying theo part time. working full time! will you bring kimchi back the next time? i want the real deal not all this fake stuff lying around haha!