Saturday, January 31, 2009

In the face of fear (Part I)

Fear paralyses.

Fear robs. Of Peace. Security. Trust. Joy.

The cruel irony about fear is that it isolates...

when the thing you need the most is company.

At times like that, all the knowledge in the world becomes a blank disc and all the experience, useless.

All the lyrics you can sing by heart, just refuse to unfold from memory.

All the friends who you laugh with, are unavailable.

Fear kills.

I will trust You in the darkness.

Often all that is needed is something larger than our fear.

Something worth living for.

Someone worth dying for.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Ryl tagged me - blame game

Ryl says I have to write 25 random things about myself. The most random thing about myself would be when I'm not random.

#1: I had briyani chicken and fish and potato and cucumber salad for lunch today.

#2: I'll be going for a Fraser Hill picnic this Monday but we don't have a car or a driver or know the way.

#3: I'll be going ostrich rising next Monday.

#4: A fly dropped into my coffee today and drowned.

#5: I have plans for Valentine's Day.

#6: Sometimes I forget to eat. Really.

#7: I have almost no spatial awareness but want a big car.

#8: Hearing Sam Loh talk about men who actually want to "demonstrate higher value" was very refreshing... not to mention funny. Very good combo.

#9: I can't see the first letter 'E' on the chart with my right eye.

#10: I have a Theology exam on 23 February which I haven't started studying for yet.

#11: My 'short-call' is on 24 February.

#12: I have a Civil Litigation seminar to attend on 25 February.

#13: I once asked Elena (allegedly) if white babies were born black. Of course I vehemently refute this.

#14: I THINK I talked to Prince William without realizing it during my A-Levels, in college, by the computers and locker room and told him "No" when he asked me if I was considering going to St. Andrews.

#15: I told a college friend, George Graham, that he should have a hotel named 'George' and a bar within named 'Graham' - The Graham Bar. George Graham looked like a young Hugh Grant.

#16: I have many good-looking male friends.

#17: I have many good-looking male friends who cook.

#18: I have been stood up twice. Both times I coldly snubbed the perpetrator(s) in hot anger when I next saw them.

#19: I think no kitchen is complete without an orange teapot.

#20: I have a friend called Shahrul, who is a friend of a friend who is a manager at the Elephant Sanctuary in Temerloh.

#21: I will try to get Shahrul to be better friends with this friend of a friend so that I can go and clean the elephants one random day.

#22: I was on the train into work with a woman who wore a purple, buttoned-down shirt and black slacks. I saw her again when I exited the train on the way home.

#23: I think I have developed a burden for a country I thought I would never care for.

#24: Unlike a pimple, I don't think it will go away too soon.

#25: I think I get my randomness from God.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


In one of those 'curiosity killed the cat' moments I admit that I googled myself today and found out that the story - *cough* essay - I wrote over a year ago has finally been published, albeit in an E-book. Hee hee.

Click here if you really want to find out.


I say that my favourite horse is the Gypsy Vanner.

Then I see a Percheron and I get distracted.

I see an Andalusian and my heart skips a beat.

I see a Lusitano and I stop breathing (almost).

I see a Carthusian and my knees buckle.

I touch any horse and I turn to jelly (which makes for AWFUL riding by the way as one must be alert and in control when one rides).

It's like everytime I see a horse I fall into the mad gibberish of falling in love and leave my good sense behind.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Not Bob

Regarding my previous post, don't anyone worry - it's been fixed and not by Bob the Builder, may I add. I may not be very good at playing damsel-in-distress but now have a beautiful 6-minute presentation, complete with background music. It was very tricky trying to make the photos fade in and out according to the rhythm of the music for emphasis, but it has been worth it.

Now it is 4.10am on Chinese New Year day. Happy year of the COW. From where I come from, that is the abbreviation for "Company Witness."

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Video links

Anyone know how to put a bunch of power point slides, photos, videos and background music together for a seamless presentation for this upcoming Saturday? I think I am getting the hang of it but have little brain space allocated for worrying.

Please let me know.

I'll buy you dinner.


On the condition that the end product is satisfactory.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

If I were a car...

On one of those days when I had nothing better to do, my mind started wandering away and narcisistically dreamt of what kind of car would best represent me. I happened to do this bit of day-dreaming aloud.

I always thought, rather cheekily, of myself as a Lamborghini Murcielago pictured below.

Tyng said, "No" outright, dashing my half-wit hope of being some 'arrogant arse.'

Tyng then suggested that maybe, I was more like the VW "love bug" 2000.

After some bickering, I reluctantly conceded.

And then...


at the Phileo Damansara intersection...

we saw...


The Peugeot 308!!!!

We both instantly agreed this was FAR more me. It's got the angsty side of the Lambo and the compact, non-threatening side of the VW. I was so excited I wound the window down to get a closer look at the car and then realized that the guy in the new Saga next to me was looking slightly irritated. Tyng and I gathered that it was because he had an inferior complex and thought we were only hyped up over imported cars which is very untrue. We had earlier concluded that if I were a Malaysian-made car, I would be the Satria.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Queen D

Since before I can remember, the following words have been associated with me:


Okay, so bubbly and moody don't seem to match but in any case, since I would rather attain to the following:


I tried to mimic various people I thought fit the bill.

So began the imposition of the 'new and improved Debbie' on Tyng in the car on the way back from Ikea which included smiling what I thought was a cool, calm, poise and collected smile. Please note that only unrefined bumpkins (such as yours truly) guffaw and grin til cheeks are stretched so in order to counter that, I practised (in the car passenger's mirror) my self-contained, lady-like smile. I even included the royal hand wave and motioned to a lucky few in PJ that day.

Apparently, now I'm just scary and Tyng said if I smiled like that again in her car, she would throw me out on the street.

A better explanation

I've recently started doing the Kairos Course. As is the case with most things, the decision to join up was made impromptu, on a full stomach followed by promises of chocolate; not that the two were directly linked but favourable circumstances did play a part in swaying me to say, "I'll give it a go."

Admittedly, I'm a pessimist (it helps when one is looking for loopholes in legislation) and especially tread warily in the unknown, so the first session was spent scrutinising the passages and Bible verses and making sure nothing heretical screamed, "Red Alert!" at me. To be honest, I know the person running the course and frankly I shouldn't have had any reason to be paranoid but regardless of how well I know (or don't know someone) God's word spoken (through speakers, writers etc) must always be weighed against... well... God's word. Actually, the last time I heard one of the speakers on the Kairos programme preach was when I was a teen and not very interested in sermons at all.

Much I have missed! Good speakers are hard to find and faithful speakers, willing to preach against the grain of conventional Christian thought, even harder.

So far, I would highly recommend the course to be run in your own church. However, it does require dedication twice weekly for about 4 weeks, as the impact of the course is not strictly academical and the aim of the course cannot be achieved in D-I-Y study. To some it will completely change your mindset, whilst to others, it will help to enhance and make more coherent any conception, idea or venture of 'mission work' one might already have. God's word however, is always fresh, always renews and always reveals no matter how well we assume we know it (if we even dare make such an assumption).

As part of the programme, we are divided into groups based on different religious blocs over which we are to lead prayer for. Some over-analytical side of me wondered if I had been put in the Hindu bloc because I had told one of the facilitators that I had no intention of going to India. Rather tongue-in-cheek, I say this.

The very fact that I have said, "I have no intention..." means that in the next year or so, I will probably write an entry entitled, 'God's Sense of Humour.' Great. Must start learning Tamil or Hindi and eat more chili.

Kairos has definitely helped me out in one way though; tomorrow I teach my Sunday School about Abraham offering Isaac on Mount Moriah. It will prove a much more Christ-centered study to show that Isaac typified Christ, the ultimate promised offspring, offered as a living sacrifice to redeem us from our sin than it would to try to explain to the children why it was ok for Abraham to nearly kill his own son 'just because God said so.'

Just for those who don't know, Isaac wasn't killed and God is not a megalomaniac.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Market nights etc

It appears that the group dynamics of my various hangout buddies are about to change very soon... if they haven't already. I usually do one of several things when it happens.

Ignore it and hope it'll go away.
Begrudgingly accept it with resignation.
Lift a brow and smirk.
Blow raspberries at it.
If it encroaches on 'personal' territory, engross myself in some random activity to take my mind of it (and develop skills in the meantime :p).

As Michael would say, I still have my books, of which I bought 10 more today;

3 being about dogs,
2 on horses,
1 on feminist legal theory,
1 being classical literature,
1 on business sense,
1 on publishing and
1 being a true story which, in the movie version, starred Hilary Swank and Clint Eastwood. Go figure.

Oh, and of the 10,
1 was a copy I already have... in softback. The importance of a book is defined by whether you have it in either multiple copies, commentary and annotated form or hardback.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


My brother in Malay costume (right) playing with Chinese lanterns last Mooncake festival. For some reason I felt awfully proud when I saw this photo (not that it takes much for me to be proud of my not-so-little bro), perhaps more so because of certain people making race a dumping ground for politics and an excuse for ill-thought-of legislation. I believe that our racial identity is something we ought to be proud of, by which I don't mean succumbing to xenophobia but rather in embracing that we are different we find a common goal to contribute constructively to this country of many skins. Having said that, I'm still a banana although, having moved to KL, I have picked up the following Cantonese words:

Kau tim - done. Kan chiong - frenzy. Any amount prefixing 'poon' - whatever and 50 cents. Mm koi - thank you. Kai fun - chicken rice. Kai chee peng - Chicken Biscuit.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


I suppose there is some wistful wonder whether I'll ever share this undiluted passion with someone else, but it really doesn't matter; riding, like solitaire, is a game best suited for one.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Planned randomness

I wanted to have some planned randomness yesterday but the plan fell through so I randomly took an early night's rest.

I wanted to have some planned randomness this evening but my chill out gang(s) are ALL at Bible studies around KL and PJ so now I'm having a random conversation with my friend Phil about Syrian food.

I was randomly sick yesterday so headed to MidValley to buy medication, randomly found out my friend Jay Mi was going to have her short call today, so randomly called Tze, picked up a huge box of chocs and got him to put it on her desk at work so she would have a surprise. Flowers that wilt after 4 days cost like RM125!! Totally not worth it.

Tomorrow, more planned randomness. I'm going horse riding.

I like planned randomness. Plan some for me. If I can make it, I'm game.

Thursday, January 08, 2009


Ah, it's been a week and I am sticking to my New Year's resolutions so far. Little wonder I fell ill *ah-chooo.*

It's not worth anything if it doesn't cost, eh?

Having said that, I muttered, "Stupid Guardian," when the lady at the KL Sentral Guardian pharmacy told me that their pharmacist had gone home at 5.30 so I couldn't buy my meds. If I were in a worse condition, I would have just sat by the main stairs in the station hub, looking mournfully at passers-by, as if doing so could turn them into Guardian pharmacists.

I need a hug but at risk of contaminating my virus I suggest you keep away.

Don't worry.

The smell of Vicks vapour rub and hong iu and tiger balm and incessant and perpetual pout will remind you I'm around.

In any case, horses can't catch a cold and horse riding this Saturday is what's keeping my sponge brain together. Others would say it's Jesus :)

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Labour of love(ly chocolate)

The last time I started work, coloured paper and highlighters got me in a frenzy. Click here to hear the chagrin in my chirp. So the shirts and slacks and heels and polite smiles are not as bad this time around as it was the last time and highlighters certainly don't excite me as much as they used to. Embarrassingly today I was too busy in the library to collect the weekly supply of stationery from HR so we in the pen will have to make do with what we have for another week.

I still wish I could go to work in pyjamas, wake up at noon and feel like my work is impacting something, someone, somewhere, somehow. But because none of the aforementioned has happened yet (or not to my knowledge anyway), I'm sitting here... eating... a lot... of chocolate. Oh dear. Oprah's personal trainer says that people like Oprah (and I) only eat when something in our life is unbalanced... because we're addicts... addicted to food.

Crikey it'll be awful to be disillusioned at 25...

*Ahem* make that 24 and a bit.

Haiya, so little faith!

Monday, January 05, 2009


On a recent visit to Kuching, Wai Peng and I stopped at the Jalan Tun Jugah-Jalan Song-Jalan Laksamana intersection when he spotted this scene and caught the moment with my camera.

In KL, the car far right of the photo which had stopped about 4 cars behind the car in front because he wanted to enjoy the shade from over-hanging branches instead of baking in the afternoon glare, would have been honked at like crazy and some angsty gangsters would have probably accelerated straight into him.

But it's Kuching. Not KL.

And in Kuching, on a lazy Sunday, you can do things like this and still make other people smile.

Awesome, eh?

Friday, January 02, 2009


This is a friend's chihuahua mix. At first glance she looks okay... then you notice that her teats are huge...

They look really swollen don't they? But there're not like that cos she's got pups; she's got a tumour and it's massive. Almost the size of her head.

My friend has taken her to the vet who says operating could kill her (I don't know why) but surely there must be a way? Anyone have any ideas? Suggestions? Or pass this on to someone who might find a solution. I touched her 'sack' and it's soft and cold but if you press a bit harder it hurts. And it's heavy. My friend's wife will have to make her a pouch so the tumour won't be dragging along the floor.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

My funny friend and me

This is one of the many people... who keeps me... of all things... sane.