Friday, March 02, 2007

My stuffed up V-day

I wrote this about a month ago, meaning to post it, but being ever true to my procrastination society, I took my time.

So, the inevitable has happened, although pedants would beg to differ, stating instead that unless the supposed inevitability will take place regardless of cosmic powers or all the imagination possessed by Dan Brown, it cannot be considered inevitable. Fine. We live in a world run by such nauseating political correctness that another pool of vomit will make no difference to the stench already ingrained in our lungs. For want of the better word, I shall replace the previously used, disdained inevitable with the anticipated. The anticipated has happened. But then again, pedants would be waving their hands frantically in the air reminding me that not everyone anticipates the same thing and so the prefix ‘the’ is therefore wrong. As I flip through the dictionary, I come across another word and mentally double checking with my inner pedant, I type ‘expected.’ Expectations accept that they can be let down, fulfilling the ‘inevitable,’ or lack of, requirement and whilst not everyone may look forward to it joyously, the event, occasion or meeting is nevertheless expected, weeding out the complaints of, “I didn’t ask for it” that showered the candidate named anticipation.

Now that I have hopefully settled dispute within myself to make this a politically correct entry (gag; I believe free speech is a human right, whether or not the right itself is put to good use), I can begin. I wanted to celebrate (I use the word loosely) Valentine’s Day today by eating my favourite ice cream watching my favourite trilogy. But the nearest supermarket to me failed to stock up on Ben and Jerry’s ‘half baked’ and I really did not count it worth it to catch a cab to get a pint of frozen cow’s milk with solidified cocoa stuck in it although the frozen cow’s milk would still have cost more than the journey return. So I settled for a pint of Blue Bunny ‘cappuccino fritz.’ I’m sorry. I know that there are people out there who probably savour Blue Bunny as much as I do Ben and Jerry but frankly, Ben trumps Blue and Jerry trumps Bunny any day, everyday. Strike one.

The trilogy I wanted to watch revolves around a muscular, onyx-skinned, vampire slaying half-blood, called Blade (Wesley Snipes) who makes Colin Firth (whom by the way I think is dishy non-withstanding), look like a sack of potatoes. My friend PW, might interject that such a comment reveals the incredibly superficial nature of women who say that they look for qualities within a man and focus less on how the guy looks when actually they resound with ‘looker’ notes as well. A genie may well be sitting in a lamp for all I know but if the lamp just does not appeal to me or clashes with my general colour scheme of life (especially if it happens to be one of those self-help ones a vendor might persuade you to buy) or if the genie in the lamp does not call out to attract my attention, I will just walk on by. Secondly, it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m ice-creamless and trilogy-less, am in a very cranky mood as a result, so let me rant!!!

I entered V-Day watching the first of three at a bit past midnight. So far, so good. Went to bed, bought the tub of Blue Bunny in the afternoon and tried to watch the remaining two. Blast. The second of the three had a different area code for the DVD (strike 2) and the third disc just failed to play properly, stopping every 2 minutes or so and shuffling. Strike three. I was tempted to throw the Bunny at the TV letting it die under a mountain of ice cream. Killer Bunny on the loose… So am currently in anticlimax mood of non-Bladeness. Hopefully, my trip to the cinema to watch Ghost Rider on Friday night will give me that boost of “Grrrrrrr” I need at the moment. Until then, I’ll probably be a short-tempered, ill-mannered b****. You know I meant bunny, right?

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