Monday, March 26, 2007

Irony and defiance

If I didn't mind it raining on my wedding day, it wouldn't be ironic although Alanis M thinks it would be. I always think that I might die in a plane crash so that isn't ironic either.Neither is having 10,000 spoons because at the moment I only have chopsticks and everyone knows that chopsticks solve most problems. What represents the ironic in my life is wanting training but finding out that the training school wants me trained beforehand. It's being in my homeland but feeling like a stranger. It's being stressed because I am bored. It's in friendships dying because all that was wanted was friendship. Sometimes I think "Screw everything, I'll do things my way" and then realise that I already am doing things my way and that's how things got messed up in the first place.

As I examine my attitude towards 'authorities' no matter how seemingly unimportant, it is with regret that my attitude reflects man's defiance to God. When I get angry at being caught out doing something I wasn't meant to in the first place, when relationships get twisted because someone who cared asked a question he has every right to and when I have to apologise. Those are three things all men face with their creator God, Christian or non Christian. Christians have no glowing halos or invisible wings or magical harps to get them out of trouble. If anything, such images are binding; the halo akin a straight jacket, the wings are clipped and harp, produces a noisome discord. We all want to walk in the darkness because the light exposes us and none of us want to be exposed; we get angry when God catches us out doing something we knew was wrong in the first place, we refuse His grace and refuse to acknowledge that only He can save us thus, refusing His rule and wrecking that relationship and we hate to apologise. Christians don't escape these feelings of rebellion either, falling time and time again into temptation and sin, ignoring God's wisdom and authority, but the difference lies in God's attitude towards them. Where all have sinned and deserve to burn consumed yet unquenchable in Hell, yet God chose to grace a few with Salvation, to rescue them on absolutely no merit of their own, from an undying death worse than death itself. So if a 'Christian' says they have been saved by their own merit, whether by the physical of bread and wine or any spiritual hocus pocus, I will seriously doubt that that they are aware of man's original state, the consequence of not being redeemed and the cost of our Salvation.

I went to see my dad yesterday at a conference. And as I walked by receptionists, hotel staff and conference coordinators, it struck me that being a daughter of my dad, I had more claim to see my dad than anyone else in the hotel. And that confidence was backed subconsciously by the knowledge that I was the person my dad would give priority to. I think that's what childlike faith looks like. I've never known my dad not to help me when I was in trouble or even when I wasn't, he would make sure I was fine and I could go anywhere with him even when I had panic attacks because he knew what to do and he would make sure I would be safe. I suppose as we grow, we doubt that our parents know much about the world today and to a certain extent, we disrespect their opinions and dismiss them as old-fashioned or impractical and then as we age a bit more, things they said in the past that we considered rubbish suddenly makes a lot of sense. I came up with a poem from the top of my head;

When my dad is boss,
I don't have to give a toss,
About red tape or queues,
I just walk straight through.

The same confidence I have that my earthly father will see me, that he doesn't require me to go through secretaries or receptionists before seeing me translates to my heavenly Father. I don't need holy water, bread, wine, fire, bankable hours of Bible study or cleansing rituals before seeing Him. I can go straight to my Father without first seeing a row of bishops, priests or pharisees, to ask for forgiveness, to say I'm sorry, knowing that He has already forgiven me because I am His child. Yet how did a sinner like me, so completely depraved, enter my God's throne room with confidence? How did I manage to persuade God in any way that He wanted to give me this relationship with Him? I did not and would never have been able to, had He not reached out to me Himself. The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ has to be given absolute power, honour and glory. Anything claiming that we need Jesus and something else or that the cross was not sufficient for us to have a perfect relationship with God, is heresy, no matter how intellectually put, no matter how believable.

Only through and in Jesus Christ am I able to say God is my Father. Nothing more. Nothing less. Absolutely nothing else.

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