Monday, February 26, 2007


I have been told I think too much and I agree. The problem is, at this point in my life, they're simply not enough people around to tell me to stop thinking. Of course, I don't mean to stop functioning, more to stop analysing and over-analysing. I analyse my past, present and future. I make A plans, B plans and C plans and then plans to cover those plans. I think (oops, I mean I feel) I have taken Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" a little too far by trying to take all the roads I want to take at the same time. I think about my future a lot, I think about my death a lot, but I don't really think about how I'm going to get there. If I want to live in a penthouse suite, how do I get there, but then should I work for the penthouse suite or come up with a breakthrough of financial genious that I cannot but have the penthouse suite, making my hold of my suite more secure than if I had just worked towards it. And dying. Do I want to live to a ripe old age of 42 or go in a storm? In many ways, I cannot control when I will die, but can I control what I have before I die? Has God decided that I will have 3 dogs, 4 cats and no car or should I come to that situation, would it have been a matter of choices made and circumstances being the way they are?

I like instant. I know I learn more from processes and being processed, but if I'm processed too much, will I end up like white bread? I'd rather be whole wheat/ grain bread, retaining all nutrients.Maybe I need a roadtrip. After living out of a barrell for a couple of months, I should see life with a different perspective and perhaps, may emerge less regressed than I think I am.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


Sometimes I dream I want a huge, duplex, open plan, penthouse suite somewhere posh like Regent Street, where I have my in-house plants and polished marble tables and champagne flutes even though I don't drink. I dream it's monochrome with splashes of red and wood and fluffy. I dream I have 2 dogs, preferably one German Shepherd and one Bull Mastiff who are immaculately clean and unbelievably well-behaved (with psychic powers and can sense when I'm upset or come before I call). I dream that I have some sort of money churning job in the city and that somehow all the big companies want me. I dream I'm about a foot taller than I am and a hundred inches thinner. I dream that I eat burgers and not gain weight and have an inbuilt studio for kickboxing. I dream that I have superpowers. One of those mind controlling ones that Jean Grey from the X-men have. So I dream I can fly and shatter glass and walk on water. I dream I can move furniture without lifting a finger and never break into a sweat. I dream that I can run for miles, not get tired, and go out partying incessantly. I dream everyone likes me and it doesn't matter whether I like them back. I dream I throw the best parties and all the whos who float in to get a bite of the apple. I dream I look amazing in everything I wear.

Time for the truth. I don't own a house, flat or studio apartment, let alone one in a posh area. I used to have vodka shot glasses but have left them in another country. The room I'm renting looks like a five-year old painted it because the bed spread doesn't match anything. I have one dog because some jerk poisoned my other 2 dogs and she's a Japanese spitz cross who's getting old :( I don't have a money churning job, in fact I don't have a job cos I'm still studying. No company has yet said they WANTED me and the only way I'll ever be a foot taller is if I stood on a one-foot high platform and if I lost a hundred inches, I might just be dead. I eat burgers and gain weight and don't have an inbuilt anything for kickboxing. I don't even kickbox. I don't have super powers although if you bug me, my pitch should deafen you. I don't move furniture because I'm too lazy to and I sweat even without moving furniture. I run for metres rather than miles and get tired going up the stairs. I prefer to stay at home to watch TV and eat crisps out of the packet with chopsticks so I don't dirty my fingers as opposed to going out. I know not everyone likes me and sometimes it matters that they don't like me back. I throw the occasional party but no one comes to bite the apple because I don't serve apples. I don't look amazing in everything that comes out of the catwalk. That's why shopping was invented.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Oral work

There's something about having a very fancy toothbrush that makes one want to brush one's teeth. Or maybe that's just me. I find brushing teeth a chore. My arms get tired, I forget which side I started brushing so sometimes end up cleaning the same side twice leaving the other side untouched (gross) and once forgot to put toothpaste on and wondered why the friction felt so weird. There came a time when I needed to change my toothbrush and I was in a bit of a 'mood' so I thought I'd buy myself a fancy toothbrush to cheer myself up namely, an Oral-B Crossaction Vitalizer. I thought the toothbrush I was about to buy would cost 2.89 or something around there but it came up to 13.99. I don't know how but because an invitation to treat is not the same as an offer, technically, what the store did was not illegal and frankly, I just wanted to spend money (although I would have spent it on chocolates or Famous Amos cookies instead of a toothbrush). But hey, so far, with this new toothbrush, brushing teeth has become more like a game than a chore. There's this light green rubbery stuff on the side that massages your gums while you brush and the tip gets into those nasty slits you always try unplug with your tongue or toothpick, hairclip, whatever. So far, I'm liking my new toothbrush and maybe, although it does cost a lot more than my regular toothbrushes, I'll buy it again. The only downside is that being a very non-morning person, wanting to do as little as possible, functioning just enough to get me through whatever I need to do, I have to open my mouth slightly wider to get this toothbrush in.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Days of the alphabet

A day - generic
B day - abbreviation for birthday, also Beyonce's new album
C day - sounds like die in Hokkien so 'die' day
D day - a day in history
E day - with globalisation escalating to scary heights, I'm sure it'll be invented soon
F day - things didn't go too F well for someone
G day - G.I Joe, G.I Jane or maybe a genetically modified day (more hours to sleep)
H day - either someone's on edge or has an edge
I day - eye care is very important
J day - street creed's jaded day
K day - everything's ok today
L day - Elle magazine would love this concept
M day - 'I am' day - just go to Harajuku, Tokyo. It's M day every weekend.
N day - wrong grammatical structure (see A day)
O day - possible brother of Odie (Garfield's dog friend)
P day - money, money, money
Q day - either a reference to snooker or the infamous 'Q' in James Bond movies
R day - the first words a pirate says when he realises he's still stuck at sea another day
S day - donkey day
T day - alternative to 'today'
U day - all for you
V day - too much money spent on too little
W day - double you, double choc chip, double pecan fudge, double serving of Belgium sauce
X day - not for children
Y day - why not?
Z day - the French way of end times; 'the Day'

Friday, February 02, 2007

In control, losing control

Iain and I looking like we were either drunk or had too much partying over at Phil's. Actually it was a very nice dinner of chicken stuffed with apricots, dates, nuts and thyme, wrapped in bacon served with potato gratin and kale. Absolutely YUM!

I had a dream that I completely lost control last night. I was driving an SUV (yes!!) but right from the start things went wrong. I slipped on a floor just mopped by someone just before reaching the SUV and fell down. Then I realised I had parked in a no parking line with my hazard lights on and so got fined. Then the handbrake failed and I had to keep it from sliding into a drain. Where I got the strength to do that I don't know. Then I started driving but the roads were jammed so I wasn't really cruising. I kept on thinking about something else whilst driving so had to keep pressing the foot brake really hard to avoid crashing into the car in front (which would have crashed into the car in front of it, which would have crashed into the car in front...). After a considerable amount of pressing my foot brake started to feel like it wasn't working so I had to rely on steering. Unfortunately my spatial awareness is so bad that I kept steering into other people's lanes without noticing. Made one lady crashed into another car on her right and drive on, not wanting to be caught. So hit and run it was. Nearly took a Mercedes down before a flyover. Wanted to exit left but was on the far right lane. Tried to exit anyway and caused a huge commotion. Woke up. Maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't drive, ever.