Wednesday, June 21, 2006


After 2 posts on life and death, I thought we should traverse a path less morbid lest the heart fainteth and the soul dwindleth. There, does that sound more cheery? It's about 3am now and I'm still on the computer. And why am I on the computer? Is it because I am researching the next cure for obesity? No. Am I delving into the crevices of knowledge to unleash some quantum glorific, news-worthy announcement? No. Is it because the sweet sound of the humming of micro-pieces of copper brings joy to my soul? No. I am sitting here by will and nothing else. Alas, I cannot even accept geek-status for myself for the time spent in cyber space. I've checked Hotmail 15 times in 2 hours. I have made 2 new friends online in 3. I have corresponded with people who are celebrating mid-morning and I have eaten a whole tub of Ben and Jerrys... that by the way, wasn't a cyber experience. It sits content in the folds of my flesh, flourishing as only ice cream can and it laps gently over my stomach walls, duodenum, ileum, colon... I have long forgotten that I'm wearing green eyeshadow and mascara and now resemble something of a gecko in the middle of a desert.

I was looking through some pictures of me when I was 17 or so. I thought I was fat then. Looking back in the contented body I have and comparing the two, I was not bad... not bad at all. Hehehehehehehehehehe. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Insert Guffaw. You know, we're always told to love others. I think we need to love ourselves a bit more. So for me that means stop moaning to Elena that I've got 2 tyres and feel blessed I don't have to shave or wax (thanks to my genes). Stop moaning that I'm not tall and feel blessed that I can walk. If we lived several centuries ago, I'd be moaning that I was too skinny cos the ideal woman then would be voluptuous signifying fertility and maternal credit. However, thanks to women's lib. movements, the thought of looking 'fertile' is horrific.

Oh, let's just all get rid of any body fat that will lead to successful pregnancies and smarter brains (because brains feed on good fats).
Let's put ourselves in clothes resembling straight jackets so the clothing industry will make more money using less cloth.
Let's take pills to stop children becoming the natural product of sexual relationships so that when we do become pregnant, we can point the finger and say "It wasn't my fault" and abort.
Let's blame the men for every ugly thing in this world so that we don't have to take responsibility.


The ideal of the above would then be skinnier (more beautiful) women who looked like they'd been peeled of the ironing board, no eyebags, smudged makeup or blotched skin at anytime of the day, could outsmart men ad have children when they wanted to. The Superwoman-supermum-superwife.

Reality check. Obesity is on the rise. Probably because women can't really be bothered to work to stay fit even if they all dream of it. Clothing sizes are going up so the clothing industry has to up their prices to avoid financial loss which means women have to work harder for longer or go into major debt. Because they want to work a man's shift, they eat a man's meal- that is, a man without a wife to cook for him - so in goes the fatty acids, high GI rebels and hyped up E-numbers from ready-cooked meal packs and frozen food. As a result of this food, splotches show, acne, rash, poor cardio rate is the norm, come bad memory, tiredness and low immune system. The 'magical' pill, while a success to medicine is a failure to humanity. Abortion follows suit. As women age, their biological clock suddenly goes clanging wildly and all of a sudden a child becomes the ultimate necessity. Mortgage the house twice, sell the car, divorce the husband. I wanted a career. Now I want a child.

Sometimes I wonder whether life will be easier to just return home to Malaysia. I think about a lot of things and fair dos, hands up, I'll admit I think of children. I don't mind adopting but when is the right time? Next year? When I'm 25? 30? When? In terms of education, the Malaysian system is the system I know. Sure it's not great but if I stayed here, I'd probably send my kids to public schools or surburban state schools and it would depend where. If I had my own, all the post-pregnancy 'rituals' I know are Malaysian. How would that fit in if I lived anywhere else? I'm glad I think about these things because then I am aware of the weight the responsibility carries. I'll never be fully aware of it til I have kids but thinking about it is a good start.

How did we go from geekiness to kids? Will I be a geeky mother I wonder...

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