Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Elena's in the kitchen baking 2 sets of cookies. Why 2? Because Sarah doesn't eat chocolate and I don't like raisins. Personally, my absolute, all time favourite cookie is anything Famous Amos. I like my cookies tough and with bite. None of that squishy, soft cookie thing for me, thank you. In Kuching, you can only get Famous Amos at airports so they're really special cookies for when guests come or leave or when I arrive home and want to buy a really nice present for my brother (or myself) or if I feel up for a treat.

I've got a tummy bug and have got a LOT to do this weekend which I'm excited about save one; the impending Soviet and Post Soviet exam looming. I've got to get visa details to the Japanese embassy by Monday so am emailing round the world for required documents. I still have yet to meet my travel companion, book my tickets, my stomach is aching with thoughts of Mongolian barbeque this week and Indonesian food next week, I've got to get a CV in to a few temping agencies and suitable work clothes - dire pumps and boring pencil skirt no doubt, although come to think of it, I have to write that CV first. I'm paranoid that I may fail my exams (as I do every year) not because I don't trust God but because I think I relish in the stress it gives me... masochist.

So God. Where is He in all this? If God didn't exist, there wouldn't be any point in me taking my exams at all. Forget larger things like murder, adultery and robbery, which wouldn't really matter either if God didn't exist cos if there aint no God, there aint no pont in living up to a standard. What standard I ask you. Whose standard? Why are our laws based on the 10 Commandments? Because the 10 Commandments are a reflection of human nature? Rubbish. If humans were to write out commands, there would just be one; I am God in my eyes and what I want, I take. So really, the 10 Commandments is hardly human nature. Why not murder if that gives you what you want? Why not sleep with your boyfriend's girlfriend if that fulfills you sexually? Why not? If there aint a God, why not? There wouldn't be any point to living so there would't be any debate over euthanasia or abortion. Each to his own. Sounds great doesn't it? No one telling us what to do with our lives. We want it, we get it. However, in this exceptionally parallel universe, there wouldn't be any law enforcers because they would be protecting themselves, there wouldn't be judges to pronounce a rapist guilty cos it's reach to hs own remember? If something bad happens, too bad. If there weren't a God who cared, why should we care? Point is, there IS a God, there is a Law and there is a reality that we live in; some choose to ignore it and hide behind sociology, biology and psychology to try explain it away (I'm not saying they're bad subjects, I'm just saying there are people who hide behind these categories as excuses not to see the world as it really is) and some are saved by revelation. Revelation is not a hard word to understand really. 4 syllables that echo a word that hints at mystery and wow factors. Actually it's really quite simple; like switching on a light, looking to the clock for the time, getting answers to the questions before the exam. It's what makes you go, "Ah!" rather than "Oh?" and "Wow" rather than "Huh?"

Anyway, I have wandered quite far from my cookie talk... I like cookies as sweet nuggets of pecan and chocolate rather than slabs of gooey melted chocolate. So remember that. And don't feel like you have to wait until Chritsmas to send them.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

I'm a marsupial

Deborah --

Like in nature to a kangaroo

'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Your Honour...

I pleeeeead INSANITY for b-a-b-b-b-b-l-i-n-g on about being a mail order bride. I just really want to travel across the world... and decorate.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Headaches and weddings

On a starting note, my headaches are still here ie they've not gone away, they're still bugging me, my head still feels like it's meant to be down the toilet - does that not sound simply delightful? I should write articles and columns and columns of travel satire. Why? Cos I like travelling, think I've done my fair bit of sleeping in tents and can write. So there. It would also help with the little no-money issue I'm having. Maybe I should become a mail order bride...

Having stayed with Eileen since Tuesday (she's getting married soon so wedding books and magazines galore), I would be the perfect mail order bride if my husband to be wants a wedding without using his 'creative' brain too much. I put creative in inverted commas because if he really were that creative, he wouldn't have ordered a mail order bride. I have decided on colour scheme, wedding theme, dress, rings, flowers, food, stationery, budget, numbers, and wedding crew - kind of... the groom is missing and so is half the wedding (his side). I'm not too sure about when, where, why or who but I'm sure those things will just fall into place. Horses will definitely feature at some point, live band and lanterns. I know what hair style I want (unless all my hair gets burnt in the straighteners) and what I want the place to smell like. Sad isn't it? Or maybe not so. Maybe I should ditch my law degree for a course in wedding planning. That way, I get to plan, plan, plan and experiment, experiment, experiment, without really, any cost to myself.

Anyway, I feel sick, have got a bbq to go to tonight and 4 days to revise for my last exam.

Monday, May 22, 2006

The Apprentice

For all it's rat race ethics, glamour-ridden prizes and dog-eat-dog self-reliance...

George: "Dog eat dog? Dog eat dog here? George never bringing Shep here! Uh uh! Never!"

George = George of the jungle
Shep = elephant with fleas

...the most important thing I took away from The Apprentice was not:

1) 100 pizzas do not require 100 chickens
2) that there are 6 million cat owners in Britain
3) Wandsworth bridge is not as close to Wandsworth station as Syed might have liked it to be
4) we can actually throw parties on Tower Bridge, in Tower Bridge
5) there are some people who would actually sell near rotten fruit to earn a profit
6) always read the instructions before playing the game

Rather, it was during the interview process when Paul Tulip was given an ear bashing for commenting that he hated people who came up to him on the street selling Big Issue. I guess we sometimes see homeless people as a bit of trouble (although if I don't find a housemate soon, I could very well be one of them!), but are they? I don't give them money on principle but I'd give them food. Even so, even if I had the time, would I sit down next to them and just chat? Or do I hold my nose and hope they don't see me? There was a time when I would happily talk to them - the guy on Waterloo Street was really nice to talk to when I was a fresher. I actually feel sad that I have been hardened by the world and by experiences that have happened to me over the last 3 years. It is strange that one incident can change one's viewpoint forever. I am so much more wary now... of everyone and am reminded that even when I stop to help someone with directions, there could be, behind a seemingly innocent, "Do you know where... is?" an ulterior motive. The world makes me ill, it really does. The words we say, the things we do... in the words of the Black Eyed Peas, "Where is the love?" We can see greed, selfishness, envy, malice, deception, arrogance, lust, pride, violence and abuse everywhere, everyday but where is the love?

Whose apprentice do I want to be? Do I want to revel in a world of business suits and briefcases? Does it matter? I guess it's different for everyone. For Christian 1, his calling might be in the secular world, earning lots of money to provide for others in the mission field. Christian 2 might have a calling to a rural area with bare ameneties. If Christian 2 looked at Christian 1 and felt cheated, he should question his motives of becoming a missionary in the first place. It's not for glory, not our own anyway, and it's not "Look at me, I'm h-o-l-y and p-o-o-r." His pride has gotten in the way of his service; injured pride in being less than when compared to another. If Christian 1 looked at Christian 2 and felt smug, "Oh look at all the blessings God has given me. It's because I've obeyed Him and walked in His way." Ok, not all rich or poor Christians feel that way but pride comes before a fall either way. You know what the fall is? It's not the Wallstreet crash for the rich guy or a hurricane taking away the tent the poor guy lives in. It's the disunity between Christian brothers and sisters, which hurts the church the most.

It hurts to give to others when we don't want to, it hurts not to give when we want to but can't. The hurt however, always starts with us.

Why can't I? I want to give so much but I can't! Why?
Why should I? Why not her or her or him or them? Why me?
I've given so much already. When does it stop?

I may be mathematically wrong in stating all hurts start with us, it may be that we feel let down or rejected by others. It may be that we did everything in the best way possible to make sure things turned out a certain way - the best way we were sure - but because of someone else, the situation turned out differently.

I have had (still having) a migraine for the last 2 days so if what I say doesn't make sense, I doubt I'll be able to make sense of it even when I'm better. Ideas and morals seem to roll and churn, trying to fit together whenever I'm ill. It's when my head is down a toiletbowl that my mind is at it's most clear. Let's just note that as the reason why I'm blur and clueless most of the time.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Mission Impossible


Mission Impossible 3; hmm... personally the best part about it was when Tom Cruise was on the wall of the Vatican, turned to the camera and said, "Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall," before plunging 60 feet (I think). The second best part was when Maggie Q emerged from a HOT, orange car (hot because it was awesome, not just because the colour was warm) in a sizzling, barely-there, red dress I wish I could look amazing in. I have just been all over google but cannot find a suitable picture to show you but it was slinky, sexy and I want it!!! More than that, I want to be able to fit into it... she must be a size zero... Overall, I liked MI3. However, grading and comparing it to the other two is somewhat difficult as there were too many CHEESY scenes in this one - his apparent intoxication with being in a relationship with Katie Holmes oozed in every scene he had with his on screen wife who herself looked very much like Ms Holmes - and the ending was barf-worthy. If all these scenes were cut out and replaced with typical male machoness of hyper insensitivity and well-placed 'kisses for closure,' I would place it first in line. However, because the cheese remains, I give it second place to Mission Impossible 1. Mission Impossible 2 was good - the rock climbing scene at the beginning was nail biting - but someone's got to be 3rd.

Today was James' birthday and he and Phil came round and we had cottage pie and birthday cake and homemade strawberry 'trifle' that I threw together. The quick-fix dessert, which I am proud to say went down well involved strawberry yogurt, strawberry jam sponge roll, strawberry preserve, strawberry pancake sauce and custard. We also spent the night watching Eurovision...

Anyway, the next few days I'm off and I don't know if where I'll be going to will have internet access so you'll probably not hear from me til Wednesday night or Thursday.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Pride and Prejudice; the battle

Conclusion, my heart in this matter belongs to Colin Firth.

Matthew did almost woo me over at certain points but somehow the passion portrayed by both he and Kiera Knightley did not quite suit the period it was in. To confuse me even further were the different period houses and clothing and the balls held looked more farmyard crawl in the movie than all elitist pompousness in the BBC adaptation. The movie failed to me partly because of the lack of time allowed for the characters to grow (Wickham featured disproportionately minutely) and partly because the words used did not match the body language and unspoken expectations held by the actors. The scene in the rain, whilst good (where she turns him down: "You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.") was, in my opinion, inadequate. The book should have been followed and the scene set in a room with Mr Darcy pacing up and down agitatedly, which involved a chair at some point. Also, no offence to Matthew, but his face did not show the obvious disdain and lofty disposition identifiable with Mr Darcy. His hair was (should I say this?), too floppy and his jaw line not hard enough. In short, he was languid. Nevertheless, if one watches the movie long and often enough, Matthew's Darcy does become more agreeable although he still retains a modern air about him, which is in conflict with the language and mannerisms supposedly adopted in that time. Another flaw in the movie is that the character of Elizabeth is given priority over Darcy, he seems just as likely to be cuckolded when he should give the impression that he is in control of his wealth, mind and position, whereas in the BBC adaptation, the two are equal forces providing the healthy tension that an audience would crave. Overall, whilst the movie is the shorter, it covers an hour of time that could have been better spent. I say an hour because there were 3 scenes between Darcy and Elizabeth; when she refuses him, at Pemberley and at the end, which were of relative value. Really, the two adaptations just cannot compare to one another and if you cannot make your mind up, I would suggest reading the book.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Head problems

Unlike my heart problems, my head problems are more complicated (if that's possible) cos I can't explain them, away or otherwise. I woke up with a sore head after a 13-hour hibernation, trying to outsleep the horror that was the finals of University Challenge in which Cambridge got beaten by Manchester; are city colleges the new Oxbridge??? No doubt after my dreary and unrelaxing slumber where I dreamt of John, John, John (hehehehehehehehehehe.... :) ..hahahahahahahaha... HAHAHAHAHA) and dance, dance, dance, I felt like a bear with a hangover. I was grouchy, growly, my throat was dry and my head felt like a moose... oh wait, it was a moose cos Chris Moose was sitting on my head and my neck was lost somewhere down by my ankles. I dragged myself out of bed when I realised I had to be awake and sane in time for CU in 3 and a half hours time and had to shower, eat and blog before that. My head went from sore to cold cos I had washed my hair, wrapped in up in a towel but forgot to dry it... I was too busy looking for food in the fridge so it didn't strike me as strange that my head was cold - this coming from a person who insists she can achieve a phD if she had the m-o-n-e-y. By the way, that thing about Goldman Sachs I mentioned earlier... on one hand I think I would like the job, on the other, do I really want to get caught up in a rat race? I was born in the year of the Rat but does that make me just another rodent? I don't even like cheese (that much).


I might be intolerant to the asparagus... had it for the first time today and am scratching all over. I'm giving myself red slashes with my own fingernails to rid myself of this ITCH!!!!!!!!!!

Iris, the theme song from the movie, City of Angels is one of those favourite songs which I can hear over and over AND over again, annoying everyone in the process...

Friday, May 12, 2006

Tattoo artist

I've had three exams so far, most of which I would like to forget, not that I would like to forget the information I tried to memorize, but the experience of tests. If animal testing is wrong, I wonder if there will ever be a human equivalent protesting against the horrendous acts of brain strain known to man - exams. Human testing.

Of my 3 exams, 2 were closed book. If I had the guts, I would have tattooed my notes shorthand on my forearms, hands and thighs. Do you think invigilators will throw me out if I went into a closed book exam with notes effectively published all over me? I guess it depends what is deemed 'material' I am not allowed to take in. What about pictures? If I transformed my notes into pictures; having pictures of judges and property litigation stories printed cartoon style, would that prove more acceptable? Hmmm.

On to more exciting news, I am in the process of applying to Goldman Sachs as a Global Compliance Analyst - I just think anything with 'global' in it sounds cool enough.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Halfway mark

As of 4.30pm today, I reached my halfway mark in this, my finals. After squaking through yesterday's paper, I glided tentatively over today's and tomorrow, one more and then rest for 2 weeks and then... the final of all final papers. London has heated up respectfully and hayfever is almost as catching as exam fever. Weight loss programmes, articles and advertisements on "How to achieve the perfect bikini body" are downright depressing; they should put a giant, mental heath hazard warning on touchy subjects like that. Do I want to parade around in a bikini? In London? Not particularly. But the jelly belly is starting to give in to gravity... As imminent as my Media law exam is, I find my thoughts trailing, desiring to darken the doors of Topnotch gym in London Bridge - for what the free publicity's worth, it is top notch - to tighten those abs (what abs??), flex those muscles (mussells?) and work that crunch (munch, munch, munch).

I would love to travel substantially this summer but I've no idea where the money's going to come from. If you're loaded and are reading this... I might have to do the graduate thing and work a job an undergraduate could get because there're too many people working in London.

Monday, May 08, 2006


Due to the nature of the varying computer systems around the world, my previous post did not come up as planned. the caption, ending with the arrow was meant to point to the picture. If your computer uploaded correctly, stay with it, if not, you might need a new computer, or if you're imaginative enough, then stay with the one you have anyway. N.B: Not dissing anyone's computer(s) here.

I have Tort tomorrow, which I do not feel prepared for, "Mayday, mayday, engine one down, engine two, can't restart, engine three's on fire, and engine four, well, we left engine four behind when we tried to leave the ground." My only glimpse of hope was Dangerous Animals Act cos it's about animals and animals escaping and animals causing harm to other people or damage to property - like a bull in a china shop - and anything about animals is SO much easier to remember than anything about humans cos humans change their minds too often. Only, I realised this morning that although it's in the textbook, my tutor didn't cover it in class and as I look back at past questions, guess what? No Dangerous Animals Act. Instead, they've banged animals in the middle of one of the 'natural' aspects in Ryland v Fletcher. WHY??????????? I have a good mind to learn about gorillas and obese pets and stick it in anyway. One more day... oh dear, one more day... I'm upset.

Confused and conditioned

Right now, I feel like this

I have been studying Tort the whole day ( watched Badminton horse trials in between though - Moonfleet, ridden by Andrew Hoy won). My brain is so crammed, everything looks a bit disorientated and nothing seems to fit right; not my clothes, nor my arms in their sockets. My hair is currently wrapped up in Tresume conditioner, the one thing that's helping make me feel like a human being and not a warped version of Odie, saliver and all. I have to leave in 20 minutes for church but by the looks of the grey matter above called 'sky' (it's blue in the rest of the world), we might be in for a downpour. Doesn't matter, I'm taking the bus today and not walking as I usually do cos by taking the bus, I get about 90 minutes reading time, including bus stop reading. My back hurts and if I had claws, I'd shred the cushions although they're not mine. Of all my third year subjects, I dislike Tort the most, partly because I blame it for not being a nicer sort of torte...

All of us in the house need to sort out accomodation next year, be it staing in the same house or leaving and the business of finding new housemates isn't that great either; once you get used to the ones you have, it might be a shock to the system teaching others that I like having the toilet seat AND cover down, can and will crack almost every bone in my body and don't like conversing at least an hour after I've woken up, morning, night or day. Unless I'm in a rush, then it's panic. Anyway, time to go to wash up, then church.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


"Yes Doctor, I was about to sit for my exam when it happened. The exam you know, it was a bit like this one, only without the jelly chairs covered in pink bubble wrap and my belt wasn't so high, I think I was wearing beige shorts. I was about to go into the hall, actually, I wasn't. I was sitting on a toilet, just the cover mind you, not right down it, and I was sitting there to calm my nerves because I was about to commit kamikaze-kawabunga suicide in the hall. Not that anyone would get hurt, I would just stare at the paper, I think I thought the paper, that it would be green, green is such a comforting colour don't you thnk, a bit like the walls of your clinic, only less dark and more light... anyway, I was wondering about what not to write because really, besides talking about the PCC and BCS and OFCOM and ITC and ITV and BBC, I wasn't sure how to abbreviate anything else. So there I was in the girls' bathroom, meditating on my lack of Media knowledge when it hit me that I actually knew stuff and I was so amazed that I leaned back to laugh but I leaned back too far and the toilet cover broke and I fell through and that's how I ended up this weird shape."

It's time for Animaniacs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You'll laugh 'til you collapse
We're Animaniacs!

Come join the Warner Brothers
And the Warner Sister, Dot
Just for fun we run around the Warner movie lot.
They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught
But we break loose and then vamoose
And now you know the plot!

We're Animaniacs!
Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.
Wakko packs away the snacks
We pay tons of income tax.
We're Animaniacs!

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.
Goodfeathers flock together; Slappy whacks 'em with her purse.
Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.
The writers flipped; we have no script
Why bother to rehearse?

We're Animaniacs!
We have pay-or-play contracts.
We're zany to the max
There's baloney in our slacks.
We're Animanie,
Totally insaney
Money down the drainy
Those are the facts.

Which Animaniacs Character are You?
You don't like to show your true self. This is somewhat understandable, considering that when you do, people often try to kill you! Instead of being open and honest, you tend to wear "masks," disguising the "real you" from almost everyone. You sometimes give yourself away to others whom you feel are also outsiders, though. Inevitably, someone will realize you've been deceitful, and then it's time to move on again. You don't like to admit it, but in some ways you are a giant chicken.

Monday, May 01, 2006

One week, one week, one week

Finals in one week. I am trying to avoid using words such as "Die!" "Choi!" (bad luck) "Ai si liaw"(want to die already) and "Sei ah!!" (die already) - it's not that my English is bad but there is something strangely refreshing using bad English, especially when it's a direct translation of another.

My mood is down,
my face is somewhere on the ground,
my chin is sad
but not as sad as the folicles on my head.

Chin up I say
And face the day,
The day's not gone
So don't you moan.

Read your Bible
and don't quibble,
Watch Q.I,
for intellectual stimuli.

Watch the news
To dig up clues,
To use in papers
about adjudicators.

And there my brain stopped churning poems...