Saturday, April 29, 2006

Being British

I'm politically ie passport international, my status is international and I could look British (Britain's cosmopolitan demography has made it ever more believable) yet I don't act international. In the words of James Jamieson, "You're the least Malaysian person I know!" and James knows a lot of Malaysians. I am kind of upset that I don't seem to have any roots anywhere although my mothership is Malaysia. I couldn't even write an essay on what it's like to be international in Britain because I hardly know what it means to be a Malaysian in Britain; to me, I'm just another person in London, actually no, probably another financial cow being milked by the government and colleges for being international, and I thought they liked hybrid cows who provided more and demanded less! Anyway, although I love Chinese takeaway (which Brit doesn't?), I enjoy being part of the culture I'm in or with, in fact I go out of my way to avoid making new Asian friends; Asian in this context means South East and East Asia ie Singaporeans, Malaysians, Chinese and not South Asia, which is where Indians come from, at least in that I still remember what Big Bird taught me on American TV... I know in this country it's the other way around. I speak hardly any Chinese except Hokkien which seems constrained to my city, I wash up 'the British way;' in a bucketful of soapy water as opposed to running it under a tap and I am starting to say 'film' instead of 'movie.' I have considered going on Weight Watchers about 4 times, think Brick Lane could be a symbol of Britain, am starting to like salmon and cheese and doubt that I could live without Jonathan Ross!!!

Surely being international means sticking to my roots and refusing to move one iota for anyone. Surely it means thinking huge tourist attractions like Trafalgar Square and Big Ben are the absolute in British culture. Surely it means sticking to rice instead of pasta and living in Chinatown instead of being next to the Oval (Britain's shrine in cricket besides Lords); I have even developed a liking for cricket. When hay fever becomes a norm and I no longer look surprised when some assume I'm local, in many ways I am, I guess. When does one start adopting the land in which one was adopted? The funny thing is the more I try to run or avoid a certain group of people, the more I seem thrown together with them. For instance, on any given day, the ballroom society I go to could easily hold more Chinese people than non-Chinese. I'm not saying I don't like Chinese or Malaysian people; they are some of the friendliest people around and I can always have a conversation with them about food and there is always that link of belonging that no matter how much I want to get rid of, I can't. Perhaps I don't like being reminded about how small the world is. If I can find 'my own kind' halfway across the world, the world is too small and my overidealised and romanticised sense of adventure dwindles away.

For me, only one thing reminds me of my international status; my passport and a stamped reminder of having to renew it every such-and-such a time. It is actually almost an annoyance to be reminded that although I think I'm free to stay in this country, I'm not. I guess that's the only thing that makes me international.... besides the fact that pigs' tails are one of my favourite dishes, as is tripe (the inside of a cow's stomach), chicken feet and my grandmother's cooking. But then, I'm sure some BBC (British born Chinese) feel the same way about food.

I can't say that I've been on the London Eye or seen the Salisbury rocks/ stones/ alien moonrocks from the sky either. That's something tourists do...

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Exams! Exams!

Exams are in less than 2 weeks, which means I have about 4 days left to prep each module!!!!!!!!!! Panic, panic, don't panic, don't panic.... I spent yesterday hacking off branches, wrestling weeds and trimming shrubery in my garden in an effort to feel in control.

* The sound of post slipping through the door has just caught my attention...*

My gardening 'fight club' left me with blisters, open wounds from thorny plants, scratches and bruises. When I had my shower, I wondered if it was all worth it but now, seeing my garden neat-ish with purple and yellow flowers blossoming everywhere, at least if I fail my paper, I can say that I've got a nice garden. Or is that not logical at all? As much as I want to say something ingenius and astound the world with my brilliance, I've got 3 modules to prepare for and too little time so toodle-loo and don't expect too much blogging anytime soon.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Finished! Finished!

My dissertation, yay yay yay! I've done it, this genius has cracked open the monkey jar and eaten the honey within, the honey,which is truth and that is correct because Winnie-the-Pooh says so. Anyway, I have to give it a few touch ups and tie up a few strings and cut away a few words and draw a few pictures and then I'll be done! Done! Done! Cool....

I'll be here forever

Third day into my dissertation and I'm feeling the punch. I've known what I want to say since I received my essay title; problem is, I don't know how to pen it down in a way the examiner will understand. I think my mouth is trying to keep up with my head. There're quite a few people in this room and I'm sure they're all nice (and panicking to get their dissertations done as well). There's this (fake) blonde sitting in front of me with her Evian and books and subtitles... ah, subtitles. Maybe that's what I need, at least for my own sake. I can always delete them in my final draft. At the moment I have 500 odd words left to write but it's all over the place. Moore is hanging my his thumbs, Walker looks like he's sucking his and Honderich has yet to make an appearance besides his name. Hart and Dworkin are in a bit of a scramble and I'm trying to pull them apart because we don't want to serve blood on a platter. I wonder if my other Law friends put as much thought inot their philosophers' unique characters as much as I do, namely God. Yeah, my stand is religious philosophy, namely Christianity and I have to say it works for everything and if I get a not decent grade, then I shall assume the 'wise' who marked my paper as foolish. Hah hah hah! Like I can write a stunner...

"I found Jesus *bdum-bdum-brrrmm-brrrm-du-dum!*"To be politically correct, Jesus found me.

Am listening to Delirious whilst trying to imagine myself an eccentric genius; sometimes, it's the only way I get things done. back to my dissertation.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Multiple personalities

Debbie: Deborah, you're in so much trouble!

Debibo: Twouble, twouble, twouble...

Debbie: You've yet to finish your dissertation, you haven't finished studying your Tort...

Debibo: Chocolate tort, pineapple tort, apple tort...

Debbie: You know, if you don't study soon, if you don't get your butt on that chair...

Deborah: But, but, but...

Debbie: Don't "But, but, but" me. Just do it!

Deborah: A little bit longer? 5 minutes more? (whinge, whinge, whinge)

Debbie: Think about it, all you have to do is study really hard this next 2 weeks - two weeks! - and you wouldn't have to retake your exams in August. You'll be free!

Debibo: Freebies, freebie, free-bee, buzy bee, buzz, buzz, buzz...

Debbie: Shut up, Debibo! You're driving me crazy!

Debibo: Crazy, I just can't wait... tumm-tum-tummee-tum-tumm-doo-doo-do.. dooby-dooby doo... yeeeaaahhhaaarrrr... heeya, heya!

Deborah: Debibo's making me scared. She thinks she's invinsible. Make her stop. I'll study, just make her stop.

Debbie: No, you're not supposed to say you want to study, I am the voice of reason. I am supposed to tell you to study but you're meant to say no, no, no.

Deborah: But if I say 'no' then I won't study and I'll get into serious trouble.

Debibo: Twouble, twouble, twouble.. hee hee hee hee. No room, no room.

Deborah: There she goes, going bing-bonging mad about Alice in Wonderland.

Debibo: And Dougal looked round and saw all the sugar...

Debbie: You're both driving me mad! Deborah, go to your room. Debibo, stop talking!

Deborah: Will you come with me?

Debbie: No, cos I don't have to study, cos I know everything or at least I think I know everything but that's nothing to you.

Deborah: Okay. But...

Debbie: But! But! But! What now?!

Deborah: But if you don't come along, I can't go cos you're in my head and if you say you won't come with me then my legs wouldn't move accordingly.

Debbie: Don't try to be smart with me. Just walk. Don't make excuses, do you hear? Don't make excuses!

Debibo: Aaaaaahhh - cccchhhhoooooo (bbrrrppppmmmbbb)

Debbie: Are you not going to say 'Excuse me'?

Deborah: But you said not to make excuses.

The workings of a troubled mind, what are footnotes? I don't want, I don't want versus I have to, I have to and I'm still hungry.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Hundreds and thousands

Well, not quite. But I have reached a 1,250 word mark. Oh, it is totally insignificant but it does feel good to have reached 4 digits and the little comma makes it even longer. You know how I said I would stay here til this dissertation is over? My tummy is rumbling for some hot food so... mmm... maybe I'll come back tomorrow to complete this.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Seven hundred and...

714 words and counting... yet to add bibliography or footnotes, names of philosophers, their arguments, why their arguments don't work, my opinion, why everyone should follow my opinion, 2 pictures (no, seriously, they count for a word each and graphs count for as many words as are in the graph plus one, in case the examiner gets bored halfway), connecting words like 'although' and 'nevertheless,' connecting phrases such as 'in so much as' and 'regardless of' and the all important, B-I-B-L-E verses!!!!! Yes, this is a law dissertation... but I am going to insert at least one 'Jesus' into it. Hoo hoo hoo hoo.

The girl who cried wolf

Okay, I admit that I have a tendency to overexaggerate and I did so concerning the extremities to which, my foot suffered as a direct result of my self-conscious vanity. I am now in the computer room in college and I am not leaving this place until I have completed my dissertation!!! I am armed (and dangerous) with a lot of sushi, salmon and a pair of chopsticks which, I will most readily use to defend myself in the event that some person or persons might foolishly assume responsibility and think it their obligation to remove me from this butt-supporting edifice.

If I write my essays at the speed I write my blogs or my emails, I could quite easily finish this dissertation in time for the Great British Menu at 6.30; Paul Rankin - aaaaaahhhhhhh!!! Unfortunately, the ever-creative side of my brain thinks up lots of excuses which the logical side of my brain agrees with and so, the person controlled by these two mighty powers wrapped snugly in grey matter as sushi rice is rolled in nori seaweed, sits slumped and wonders how birds fly like kites.. oh wait, a kite is a type of bird but a bird could be a reference to an attractive woman but attractiveness is subjective and the attraction may have nothing to do with the degree of attractiveness the woman possessed if the person who was attracted was drunk but a kite is not an attractive woman although it would not be wrong to incriminate the possibility of an attractive woman owning a kite into the equation. And so it goes on and on in the mind of this confused human being, this Homo sapien - referred to in the same double-barrelled manner as is applied to other members of the ecosystem (like Felis domestica, Orcinus orca, and Vulpes vulpes) and world full stop, indistinguishable as the superior created beings that we are, because some people actually think that there are other species who could very well fall under the genus that exists - who thinks she is both a genius yet a mussel, a sad excuse of a Mytilus edulis with vertebrae.

Cos at the end of my road, I have nowhere to go and have nothing to show and my 200 friends couldn't fill the void in my soul til the day that I turned to You, You got me trippin' on a vision of eternity - paraphrased DC Talk... Isn't it obvious why? I am a mussel. A mussel can't have friends because a mussel lives separated in a s-h-e-l-l sealed with it's own gunk - Great, I live in a dunghole!

Monday, April 17, 2006

Two left feet

I wore the wrong shoes yesterday to walk to church and as a result, am housebound for a week. I've had to cancel my dance lesson with John, cancel meeting up with people for at least a week and I don't know what I'll do about food shopping. I could eat rice and ketchup for a week I guess, or dry cornflakes. Elena will be back today from her weekend away so maybe she'll go to the supermarket for me... I can't put any pressure on my right heel at the moment so I've got to tip-toe on one foot so I'm walking with a slant and my hips are starting to hurt.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Jesus is A-l-i-v-e!!!

Rejoice, Christ is risen!

Luke 24:5-8

In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " Then they remembered his words.

So, if this Jesus dude is real, what are you going to do about that?

John 12:48

There is a judge for the one who rejects [Jesus] and does not accept [his] words; that very word which [Jesus] spoke will condemn him at the last day.

But surely God is a God of Love.

John 3:17-20

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

Can I not save myself?

Romans 3:12

All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.

Colossians 2:13-14

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.

N.B: Emphasis mine. If we are spiritually dead, we cannot save ourselves; if dead bodies could, on their own accord, come back to life, graveyards would be very active places.

What does God require?

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

How can be sure that if I accept God, He wouldn't turn me away?

John 6:3-40

For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."

* * * * * * * * *

The Road Not Taken
(Robert Frost)
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Whatever Robert Frost intended this poem for, it paints a picture about choices and the way they will affect our future. Whether we're interested in science, fine art, country and western, geography, philosophy, sports, anthropology or unidentified flying objects, the ultimate choice we have to make is whether we accept Jesus as God or whether we reject Him and the gift of Salvation He has to offer. In an age of pluralism, to say there is only one way to God sounds primeval, arrogant and maybe even naive. But check it out cos under all the mathematical complexities of life, there are only two ways to live.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Friday, April 14, 2006

What if I stumble?

GOOD FRIDAY - WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR YOU???

Thursday, April 13, 2006

I'm 22!!!!!!!!

This has been the nicest birthday-wise year.. only matched, I think, by my second birthday, which incidentally I don't personally remember but see through pictures in which, I had a Snoopy cake that was bigger than I was and there was fried chicken about on the table somewhere. It started at Word Alive where we celebrated on Friday with pizza, garlic bread and chocolate cake, played mafia and the animal game and had rice with chicken gravy for supper which sounds gross but tastes really good. It continued on Wednesday, my actual birthday, when Elena gave me a DC Talk CD!!!! Then Joe and Tara came round at 12 and they, Carly, Sean and I went to Live Bait to have lunch where I tried unsuccessfully to evade Sean's camera and then on to Haagen Dasz for dessert. Haagen Dasz didn't have the Tiramisu option which both Sean and I wanted so we both chose, totally separately, Midnight Cookie something...

After feeling incredibly stuffed, I went home to change for the party at the pub. Nearly took too long because I wasn't entirely satisfied with my shoulders and back showing but after some digging I found a cardigan which didn't drown the dress. Went to The Knights Templar carrying my heels (I wear my walking shoes until I get to the place any party's held) and Joe carried my birthday cake - a giant, layered, chestnut cream from Kowloon bakery. There were lots of people there and a big thank you to those who showed up to celebrate my non-21st birthday with me and also to those who gave me cards and presents; ingenious, some of them are.

Am ending my birthday celebrations into the next day with Elena, watching Beauty and the Beast and drinking tea masala. It is the best way to go.

On a more serious but no less important note, I look back and know and feel that I have grown much in Christ although many times it sure looks like I've regressed. I try not to take what I usually do or consider myself to be for granted or as the standard. I get annoyed easily and that is a terrible downfall for if I can't even get past getting annoyed over little things, there's hardly any hope for me to discover the deeper values or principles or worth about the people around me which would help me appreciate them so much more. One song we sang at Word Alive written by Chris Tomlin really stuck to me. It's called Indescribable and I know it's long, but here it is:

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Chorus x2

Incomparable, unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

So, I'm 22. In some ways that doesn't mean anything more than what it should mean when I turned 21 but in others, I hope that another year means another year laden with grace-given second chances to deepen my relationship with Christ and to cherish it because at the end of the day, regardless of how hardened my heart is or how stubborn my head, God knows the worst in me, even the worst that will happen and He loves me the same.

By the way, I left my high heels in the pub cos I changed back to my walking shoes. It seems like age is taking its toll as I left my umbrella in the Indian YMCA not too long ago...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Storybook Love

Storybook Love; The Princess Bride
By Willy DeVille

Come my love I'll tell you a tale,
Of a boy and girl
And their love story.
And how he loved her oh so much,
and all the charms she did posses

Now this did happen once upon a time,
When things were not so complex.
And how he worshipped the ground she walked on,
And when he looked in her eyes, he became obsessed.

My love is like a storybook story,
But it's as real as the feelings I feel.
My love is like a storybook story,
But it's as real as the feelings I feel,
But it's as real as the feelings I feel.

His love was stronger than the power so dark,
A prince could have within his keeping.
His spells to weave and steal her heart,
Within her heart but only sleeping.

My love is like a storybook story,
But it's as real as the feelings I feel.
My love is like a storybook story,
But it's as real as the feelings I feel,
But it's as real as the feelings I feel.

And he said:
"Don't you know I love you oh, so much,
and lay my heart at the foot of your dress."
And she said:
"Don't you know that storybook loves,
Always have a happy ending."

Then he swooped her up just like in the books
And on his stallion they rode away.

My love is like a storybook story,
But it's as real as the feelings I feel.
My love is like a storybook story,
But it's as real as the feelings I feel,
But it's as real as the feelings I feel.

Monday, April 10, 2006

New entries

I've entered a few new sites for you guys to check out which, I strongly encourage you to go through because they cover important issues. From human trafficking to the HIV epidemic in Africa and its consequences on children to Christian talks we can download on various topics. Do continue to look through them as they will be a permanent fixture on this site until they expire in themselves.

Be Thinking - under Investigate
Stop the Traffik - under Impact
The Watoto Choir - under Music

Also, I would like to make a BIG announcement. The swans did NOT die in England but in Scotland so we London folks are still okay. Very sorry for the release of wrong information and thank you Sarah for telling me.

Read Hoong Wai's April 2nd entry. Comment: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha :)

Sunday, April 09, 2006

2 sausage rolls and a movie

So, am back from Word Alive!!! Do not be fooled; Skegness might be a beach but it's VERY cold. I should have known though; I was there before and made the same mistake of bringing more skirts and shorts than trousers and not enough jumpers. Teaching was good and I learnt a lot. Now I need to put all that into practice. One of the big issues that definitely hit me was that all the passion in the world for God's gospel and the expansion of the kingdom was useless if I had no discipline. I get bored easily (maybe I've got a short attention span) and I move from one activity and/or one dream to another very quickly. I don't wait to be good or to perfect it, once I have it or have done it, I move on from it. So anyway, that bit of teaching has really challenged me. Hopefully I can apply it to my studies... Aaahhhh!!!!!!! don't panic, don't panic, breathe, breathe...

It's incredible what world-changing things could happen whilst one is secluded away in some Chritian camp. 2 years ago, we turned on the TV to discover that David and Victoria Beckham might split up (ooooh) and this year, avian flu. To think, I ran around the site looking for ducks to photograph when all along, swans were dying in England.

Actually, to be honest, I have so much exam on the brain that it's taking quite a lot to focus away from it.