Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Bad dreams

I dreamt there was a snake in my bed last night; a brown and yellow boa constrictor. The fear I had in my dream transferred to reality and I jumped out of my bed literally, trying to run away whilst looking for the snake at the same time. I hate dreams that affect me in real life. It feels bad enough in the dream without me having to deal with the consequences when I awake.

People sometimes comment that I look nice. Usually, the nicer I look, the worse the dream was the night before or the more stressed I am. I can't remember the last time I woke up remembering a nice dream... Contrary to popular opinion, or some opinion, I do not dress up to impress (except when I go for interviews or 'official stuff) and I certainly do not dress up to attract attention from the opposite sex. Elena would then say, "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much!" If I can't control my dreams, at least I can control how I look to everyone else.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Shall we dance?

'Shall we dance?' is by far the best film on ballroom dancing I have ever seen. Not only is the dancing absolutely fabulous (Waltz, Quickstep, Paso Doble, Tango, Rhumba, even hip hop), it stars Richard Gere and the storyline has to be one of the most romantic I've 'experienced.' I think that while a good movie is one you can watch again and again and never get bored of, a great movie is one you live and experience. Throw in the awesome bonus material and exceptional deleted scenes (why ddn't they just leave them in as well????) and I could watch this movie every night. I don't want to give anything away but I'll say this much, the relationship between Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon (who plays his wife) is so beautiful and delicate and true, I think we will agree, if you've seen it, it's more than a 'chick flick,' to use a very cliche phrase. Words simply fail to express the emotions evoked when I watch this film although the lyrics from 'Sway' by the Pussycat Dolls come very close. Lines such as,

"Other dancers will be on the floor, dear, but my eyes will see only you"

really capture the essence and mood of the movie both on and off the dance floor. Despite Richard Gere's reputation for movies such as American Gigolo, the movie contains no nudity or scenes of a sexual nature (trying to sound like the voice before a movie) so we can all watch it together as one, big, happy family without the risk of anyone cringing or squirming uncomfortably. However, the guys might like to know before hand, that there will be scenes which will undoubtedly make girls go "Awwwww...."

Editor's note, posted 30/02: I watched it again and have decided that while there is no nudity, there are 'sexy' scenes so maybe not appropriate for those under ummmm.... 12? Have no idea what certificate this movie was given but personally, maybe 12(A)?

2nd Editor's note, posted 02/02: Or maybe 15...

Sunday, January 29, 2006

New skates test

I tried out my new hockey skates today and boy, did I get a shock. They have rounded blades in front and behind instead of the more straight and longer blade of figure skates. On one hand, this was good for me cos it made me lean forward into my skates a lot more (which I'm supposed to do) but on the other hand, I had to lean forward substantially more than when I wore figure skates to avoid falling backwards, which has given me a backache. But hopefully, with good posture, I will correct it. For instance, I have learnt to skate on the outside of my foot instead of the inside, which has greatly reduced the pain in my arch. I think overall I like my new skates. True, it feels like I've got to relearn how to skate, but the toe is wider and the shoe is generally more comfortable than figure skates, or at least the ones I've tried. The skin on one of my knuckles split from the cold today. Thankfully it wasn't serious, although it bled slightly, but it was enough to send me right into the arms of Monsoon where I found the most perfect little dark blue top, lacy, sequined all over with gold and 70% off!!! It's only downside, which is probably the reason why it got lumped in the 70% off section, was that it was UK size 6. Size 6!!! Here I was thinking that size 8 was bearably normal and the fashion industry decides to backtrack a number. The top was gorgeous though. Really, really. I was SO close to buying it (hoping to one day fit into it even though I might never come close or just to have it) but I decided otherwise and that took a major effort on my part. Sounds silly doesn't it? I have decided not to buy a top I cannot fit into and that was a hard decision. That doesn't make any sense.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Thinking versus talking

I am on a blogger roll!!! When I blog, in a way I'm talking to you my dear reader, but on the other hand, it's just my internal monologue gone crazy. So, for a few brief moments, through a few glimpses, if one is lucky or knows where to look, the very rawness of my being is exposed but where, is up to you to find out if you want to :)

Gave out Identity flyers whilst working behind the counter. At times like these, I'm glad that I'm as brazen as I am. The character in me that causes me to flirt unabashedly also eases me into inviting random and not so random people to Christian events. I work so often at the Union, I have become a familiar face to most students who come in regularly and as we all know, familiar is good and not scary. I also emphasised the free pizza... I want to ask my boss to go to these events but cos he's my boss and if I turn up too... I don't want a conflict of interests... know what I mean? Don't think I should say anymore cos my WORKMATES READ THIS TOO!!!!! Hah! Hehehehehe....

I think my saliva glands are over reacting. I drooled onto a bar of chocolate before I bit into it. Not a pretty or refined sight at all! Urgh... so not girlfriend material hahahahahaha. Dreamt I got married last night. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Poor guy... whoever he was. I can't remember his face. After the "I dos," from the corner of my eye I saw the guy I really wanted to marry so I pretended to be distracted when the groom bent in for the kiss so only my forehead got brushed lightly. To top it off, the vicar was a woman. Oh dear.

DebFacts - taken off Cryst

[] Debs likes fireworks
[] Debs likes to sniff people although she doesn't anymore cos it freaks people out
[] Debs likes chocolate... a lot
[] Debs thinks that horses smell great (and thinks that whoever thinks otherwise is odd)!!!
[] Debs' favourite season is winter
[] Debs likes BIG cars
[] Debs likes fast cars
[] Debs can get to 90 km/h in 3 seconds
[] Debs flirts with cute waiters
[] Debs can do a 'teapot sit' with her right leg
[] Debs likes ice skating
[] Debs likes shopping
[] Debs' spatial awareness (or lack of) is dangerous to herself and others
[] Debs doesn't like getting up in the morning - try afternoon
[] Debs takes 40 minutes to walk to work
[] Debs has 3 real dogs at home; Troy, Deuce and Sally
[] Debs has one toy dog; Chewbacca
[] Debs likes being awkward and mysterious
[] Debs doesn't like being forced to do things
[] Debs makes faces at people she likes and doesn't like
[] Debs likes being unique
[] Debs misses carefree days of old
[] Debs finds most things funny
[] Debs is extremely ticklish
[] Debs likes the soundtrack in 10 Things I Hate About You
[] Debs wanted to be a horse jockey when she was 14
[] Debs wanted to be a fireman when she was 3
[] Debs has burned her hair before
[] Debs has shaved her hair before (only the back and side though)
[] Debs is not even 5 feet tall!!!
[] Debs flirts with her customers who buy things at the shop
[] Debs' favourite subject at school was English
[] Debs gets headaches often
[] Debs gets engrossed easily
[] Debs likes indoor rock climbing (as long as she doesn't have to look down)
[] Debs is a 'banana;' yellow on the outside but white inside
[] Debs' favourite subject now is not Law - oh no!
[] Debs goes to St Helens church in London
[] Debs has 3 CDs - The Horse (classical music), Craig David + Beauty and the Beast musical
[] Debs needs to wear glasses but doesn't like to
[] Debs likes guys to have strong looking shoulders
[] Debs' mum read her 1,500 Fascinating Facts when she was still in the womb
[] Debs hates snakes with a vengeance
[] Debs tries to be nice
[] Debs has been to Australia, France, Hong Kong, Wales, Singapore, Malaysia and England
[] Debs is scared of heights
[] Debs goes to Kings College
[] Debs likes travelling
[] Debs likes watching cheesy chick flicks and gory films
[] Debs takes 20 minutes to cycle to college
[] Debs like dancing
[] Debs was sub-editor of her school mag when she was 16 and editor the year after
[] Debs has a sister and a brother
[] Debs lives with 2 other girls
[] Debs likes to read the Psalms
[] Debs gets intensely jealous
[] Debs empties the trash every Monday night
[] Debs' favourite cartoon is Beauty and the Beast
[] Debs can be sarcastic but she doesn't get it when other people are
[] Debs likes designing patterns for shirts etc
[] Debs likes to be right but can admit when she's wrong
[] Debs likes black and white photographs
[] Debs has dreams that don't make sense most nights
[] Debs likes keeping things to herself
[] Debs owns a Motorola V something...
[] Debs likes going against the grain
[] Debs' text messaging tune is 'Under the Sea'
[] Debs' ring tone is 'Winter' by Vivaldi
[] Debs likes baking
[] Debs was born in the year of the Rat
[] Debs likes eating
[] Debs got bitten on the cheek in the girls' toilets when she was 8
[] Debs wanted to be a nun when she was 16
[] Debs has burnt books before
[] Debs likes Malaysian food
[] Debs was sports editor of ROAR for a year even though she knew zilch about sports
[] Debs is incredibly paranoid
[] Debs is not very sympathetic
[] Debs represented her school in debate when she was 16
[] Debs eats or shops when she gets upset
[] Debs glares at people for no reason
[] Debs likes seafood
[] Debs likes boots
[] Debs likes adventure
[] Debs likes candles now but used to be scared of them
[] Debs nearly burned the curtains down once
[] Debs was the food coordinator for her youth group in church when she was in high school
[] Debs hid in the dog's kennel during a game of hide and seek
[] Debs hid her diary in the ground behind her dog's kennel (too inconvenient)
[] Debs had paper bats hanging from her ceiling when she was 12
[] Debs likes to acquire animal books, toys and paraphenalia
[] Debs fell into a drain backwards on her bike when she was 9 cos she didn't know how to use the brakes
[] Debs fell forwards into another drain when she was 14 because she forgot to use the brakes
[] Debs has fallen into drains more than 5 times
[] Debs got lost in a local supermarket when she was wearing a blue dress
[] Debs was sent to the disciplinarian for skipping Maths in 4th form/ 10th grade
[] Debs likes sports but doesn't think she's very good at it
[] Debs once got lost in Sydney's Darling Harbour cos she went off in a strop
[] Debs likes writing and blogging
[] Debs likes guys who lead
[] Debs likes to be in control
[] Debs likes sushi but not the hot sauce that goes with it
[] Debs likes to stay warm in winter
[] Debs likes guys who are witty
[] Debs likes dressing up when she's feeling rubbish
[] Debs' hands and feet get very cold easily
[] Debs is very grumpy in the morning
[] Debs doesn't have a great immune system
[] Debs thinks her IQ is over 130 but hopes that it is at least above 120
[] Debs is very forgetful (for certain things)
[] Debs is efficient and organised and likes things done NOW
[] Debs thinks classes are boring
[] Debs mentally doodles a lot
[] Debs likes to sit on the upper deck of the bus, right in the front, by the window, on the right
[] Debs dislikes brussel sprouts, kidney beans and peas
[] Debs demands loyalty because she gives it
[] Debs likes to sit and ponder
[] Debs likes the smell of Hugo Boss and Hugo Boss Blue (on guys)
[] Debs used to be a big fan of Lynx (again on guys)
[] Debs is long winded
[] Debs is impatient
[] Debs wants to have at least 6 children (if she has any) or 6 dogs
[] Debs wishes she could fly
[] Debs doesn't think she will ever be vegetarian
[] Debs prefers smart guys to pretty guys
[] Debs would like to travel round the world
[] Debs played softball in high school
[] Debs gives up easily
[] Debs likes the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice
[] Debs has 4 piercings and wants more
[] Debs really likes thick passionfruit smoothies
[] Debs is currently using Molten Brown Heavenly Gingerlily bodywash
[] Debs used to eat a packet of Cheezels and a bar of Picnic when she went to the cinema
[] Debs' James Bond will always be Pierce Brosnan
[] Debs' Batman will always be Val Kilmer
[] Debs' Mr Darcy will always be Colin Firth
[] Debs likes chunky guys who give good hugs
[] Debs has size 3 1/2 feet
[] Debs likes routine but likes spontaneity too
[] Debs likes lists :)
[] Debs loves Jesus
[] Debs wants to be more Christ-like everyday
[] Debs can't wait for the New Creation
[] Debs hopes there'll be chocolate and horses in Heaven

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Bound... but where to?

Why is it so hard to evangelise? Why do I find it hard to say to my friends, "I am a Christian" and yet speak of crude jokes or the latest political mumbo-jumbo quite freely and openly. Perhaps pride wants a piece of the action. Perhaps self-righteousness wants to be made known. Perhaps self-reliance wants to strut around on centre stage. Or perhaps it's easier not to say anything at all that will rock the boat. When as Christians we spit and spat about our non-Christian friend's ability to see the truth, are we truly concern for their future or do we just want to have a religious-jargon-based bitching session?

The reality of life is that human beings don't want to be relieved of their frustration. In some strange way to be frustrated means that one still has some sort of say in one's life. Some sort of right. It makes it justifiable for us to be frustrated when plans don't go our way; when our plans are frustrated. Maybe that's why people don't want to give up not knowing. Maybe that's why non-Christians would rather say "Maybe" than "I know." To know implies believing in something and usually believing in one thing means believing that something contradicting it is wrong. If it means believing that what we want to believe in as true to be wrong, people would rather give up knowing than knowing what to give up. It is so much more convenient to claim ignorance and to live in bliss than to face up to reality and accept responsibility or to accept that we have no say in our own respective destinies (here I am not condoning fatalism).

I have non-Christian friends who claim that I am living in fantasy; that science has disproved the Bible, that it doesn't matter whether I follow Muhammad, Buddha or Jesus, that there is no God, that morality is subjective and hence, subject to social norm. I wouldn't go into the many loopholes in their various arguments at this point but I wish I could peel away the membrane that blinds them from realising that it is not I living in fantasy, but they. I am living in reality and as much as reality stinks so often, although many parts of it are rightly called amazing, shouldn't we yearn to know what is real and live and do what we were made for than settle for fantasy doing what we think we ought to be doing? For a world obsessed with knowledge and power, we hardly embrace the knowledge of knowing God; we try to create philosophies without God, spend our lives trying to disprove God and try hubristically to overcome any religious connotations to life, all to avoid knowing the one thing that is priceless. Ironic isn't it? When we can't put a value on something, we assume it to be worthless, and not priceless. For example in The Matrix, there is a scene where the traitor tells Mr Smith that he would rather live within the Matrix, thinking that steak tasted good when in actual fact, it was just a manipulation of brain nerves telling him that the steak had taste at all, rather than living outside the Matrix knowing the truth that the Matrix was just a computer programme.

I think we are cowards. I believe that the human race only has the potential for evil at our very best. Although I am a pessimist and a morbid one at that I don't think I am wrong or even off the mark on this point. What makes 2 random people friends? It is what you can offer me and what I can give you in return. True, we were made for relationships and because of that we do seek others out to form friendships and loves and seek out and give in return, affection, but do we really appreciate the friendships we have or are they mere stepping stones to pass the day by? An intellectual pursuit, a getting together of brain cells and impressionable minds... a frenzied inflation of our godness. Some people would say I should focus on God's love and His mercy. It is true that too much one way or the other would compromise the gospel; too much Hell and we might forget grace, too much love and we might forget justice, but to know what we have been saved to, we must never underestimate the depravity we have been saved from.

The King's Christian Union will be having mission week next week. Perhaps during that time we might have bouts of anger or frustration or disappointments or discouragement. We might be encouraged, uplifted, united or hopeful. But we must remember, I must remember, that I once stood where the people I am trying to reach out to stand, I once lived in fantasy; I once was an object of wrath but as I have been shown mercy, so I must show compassion. For I am not greater than my master and there is much to learn. I may be more than an infant in terms of my walk with God but I will always be His child. There will be times when I am old and grey or even before that, that I will stumble and I will fall and bruise but my walk with God would never have started if I had never been born again.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I forgot to eat breakfast...

I am feeling groggy and hungry cos I popped a bit of chewing gum in my mouth this morning and then forgot to eat breakfast... I don't think I would have had time anyway. I need to buy (buy! buy! buy!) a new skate bag, which is thick enough so my skates don't cut through the bag. Have been having really, really strange dreams of late - even for me. My dream last night appeared to theme around 10 Things I Hate About You; but I guess my sub conscious would be affected since I've watched that movie everyday the last 3 days. My dreams the night before centered around me running from bad guys through restaurants, leaping out of windows onto broken giant air-conditioners, trying to misdirect them and running as fast as my little legs could take me. Halfway through, my dream changed and I was feeling guilty that I had run away from my dad, so I went back in our old car and picked him up (didn't want him stranded in the bakery although WHAT he was doing in the bakery I don't know). I might have a sandwich after my shift at work but I'm paranoid about keeping my weight down...`


Unfortunately I have neither turned into a vampire who can walk in the daylight (who by the way has very cool sunglasses which don't shatter despite the big guy being thrown around a lot) nor do I own a sword, extreme arson or a fab bod. I am however, the owner of a new pair of ice skates! Went to Decathlon with HW and bought a pair of ice hockey skates; they had run out of figure skates. I think I am quite happy with them... I haven't tested them out on the ice yet, I think Thursday'll be the day. Now, I need a pair of ballroom dancing shoes... where can I get a nice shiny pair which I can wear to other ocassions too? I really should stop at the retail therapy - I can't afford it! There is the slight problem that it is therapy though but I could sit and read Philosophy of Punishment I guess or The Case Against Christ...

I have been thinking a lot about the renewing of my mind over the last few months. There have been events and circumstances that have gone on/ been going on that have grated my nerves considerably and I need to remember and be reminded that more often than not, my initial reactions are hardly Christ-like. In fact, many times I try justify why I shouldn't be Christ-like. Many times I wish I could just go on a rampage, claws extended, teeth barred and lip curled. Like a little wildcat... Maybe it's just another defence mechanism I need to get rid of. Gradually rewriting my defence systems goes against every natural instinct within and yet it is the right thing to do. Everyone has defence mechanisms but when they get in the way of one's relatonships, emotional, psychological and spiritual health and become a hindrance and stumbling block rather than a help or shield, one needs to rethink strategy. Anyway, enough about war plans and mind mapping, sometimes I think that I think too much. Hahahaha.... get that? I think that I think...? I need to carpe diem a bit more. Do I need lessons in that?

Monday, January 23, 2006

Broken elbows - landed on them when I fell

I might be going skating on Tuesday afternoon before going to buy my skates and then Thursday before going to My Old Dutch and then on Saturday and then maybe Sunday... thing is, if I go on Sundays, I would go before evening service and then the ice would be too hard and not easy to skate on cos the weather will be colder than in the daytime. Did that make any sense at all??? I really want to be good at skating; coming from Malaysia, the only ice skating experience I've ever had was through watching TV. I landed with a huge *splat* yesterday on the ice - almost like the time I fell on Waterloo bridge with a giant firework in tow. Laughed (cos that's better than crying) so hard I think my stomach hurt more from laughing than from the fall. Sometimes I think that I could do with less padding around the middle but at times like yesterday, I wished I had something to cushion the blow... never mind, I'll still have a toned bum :)

No news concerning my application for the BVC; I haven't sent it off yet. I think next year I'll still be in the UK... I think. am really unsure. All I know is that I want to ice skate and ballroom dance for as long as I can. Tried to rope in a few guys I know to dance - cos there's always a lack of guys to be partnered to (except last week) - but they're all extremely reluctant. Even a free coke doesn't seem to help... am thinking of buying a pair of dancing shoes - shiny, silver and chunky heeled - but I havent's seen any I like yet.

So, is my spiritual life heading towards the same 'toned' outlook? I hope so. At the moment it's a real struggle to discipline my mind and prioritise, to actively think, "I will not think about that" or "I will not put myself in way of tempatation" and to focus on eternity rather than what I want for myself tomorrow. Every morning I wake up, I think "How long will it be before I sin today?" and usually before I've even left the house, I 'do' a Homer "Doh!" because I realised I did/ said/ thought something I shouldn't have. It's very frustrating to realise that the more I realise my downfalls, the more miserable I become. If I didn't realise how horrible I am, I wouldn't feel half as bad but then it wouldn't change me being horrible, I just wouldn't realise it.

Ice ice baby

Went on the ice again today!!!! Fell down - hard :( - and took Sarah with me cos she was trying to teach me how to skate properly. Apparently I've been putting my weight on the wrong end/ corner of my foot and that's why they hurt so much. And I realised today that the ice is harder at night and so harder to cut and therefore harder to skate on. I'm going to buy new skates on Tuesday!!!!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Back on the ice

Went ice skating with Tim and James today. Wheeeeee!!!!!!! I didn't fall although James did whilst trying to scare me into falling. Am going tomorrow again with Sarah and Victoria before church. I did the backwards 'lemon' today - will try again tomorrow. Tonight James is cooking me curry :) and he wants to buy Perudo on Ebay tonight in an hour's time. Ice skating, ice skating lalalalalalalala..... now, can I justify eating a whole packet of Kettle chips?

Friday, January 20, 2006

Stuck on you

If I have to be stuck on anyone, let it be God although why God chose to be stuck on me, I might never know. I was talking to a few friends about the Richard Dawkins programme and so many of them agree with him. God makes wise men appear foolish and foolish men appear wise. Do we as Christians fight enough? To we fight to proclaim? To we fight, to use Robbie Williams' words, for advertising space? Not that we want God to advertise anything except Himself. Can you imagine God endorsing Coca cola? Badger, badger, badger, Hallelujah. Elena and Sarah didn't believe that this song (below) existed so here it is!

by Chris Rice

I was thinking the other day
What if cartoons got saved?
They'd start singing praise
In a whole new way

Yea, I was thinking the other day
What if cartoons got saved?
They'd start singing praise
In a whole new way

Fred and Wilma Flintstone sing

Scooby-do and Shaggy

And the Jetson's dog named Astro


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
cowabunga-lujah, dude

Then there's Kermit the Frog here,
singing hi-ho-la-lujah

And that little bald guy, Elmer Fudd
hallelujah, uh


Oh that big ol' Moose and his friend Rocky,

And our favorite bear named Yogi,

And There's all those little blue guys
And they'd sing..

Oh, how 'bout Beavis, and that other guy


Now there's a point to this looney tune
I'm not an animaniac, but there's a lot of praising to do
And cartoons weren't made for that,
It's our job. Oh, yeah

So let's sing hallelujah (hallelujah)
hallelujah (hallelujah)
hallelujah (hallelujah)

Let's sing hallelujah... (Let's sing hallelujah)
hallelujah (hallelujah)

I think when one gets to a certain age, thoughts of settling down (or thoughts of not settling down) become an inevitable part of everyday life. The best thing to do in such a situation is to think about it through God's eyes. Hey God, I'm stuck on you.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

More dancing

Am in the middle of completing my BVC application form; I've never had so many doubts as I do about this but hey, the worst that could happen is I get rejected right? There are 3 boxes of expired chocolate in the back room and I'm making up for my 3kg weight loss while I was ill - will be plumped up in no time! Had so much fun dancing yesterday - got 'reunited' with Ming... hehehehehehe. He taught me new waltz moves, how to put the waltz steps I knew together, as well as the jive and salsa. Have yet to write everything down on paper...

It was Sarah's birthday yesterday and her mum brought up her ice skates! I like my housemates... Elena let me use her bike, introduced me to tea marsala, got me semi-hooked on msn messenger and let me know that Hoong Wai was into ballroom dancing too (which has led to many happy hours dancing). Sarah let me into a world of giant pancakes, will teach me to ice skate, was my cycling buddy, let me have her mum's recipe for brownies and flapjacks and the both of them are ever patient... and our time together is almost up!!!! Aaaahhh!!!!! Will I ever find a pair of nicer housemates? if i did stay in London another year or two, who would possibly want to live with me? Maybe I should come up with a housemate CV to let people know what it could be like living with me...

Have been looking out for non-Christian friends to hang out with to make use of my 'mission field.'

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Fast food

You Should Drive a Saturn Sky

You're sleek and smooth, and you need a car to match your hot persona.
Besides, sometimes you want your top up - and sometimes you want it down.

You Are a Powdered Devil's Food Donut

A total sweetheart on the outside, you love to fool people with your innocent image.
On the inside you're a little darker, richer, and more complex.
You're a hedonist who demands more than one pleasure at a time.
Decadent and daring, you test the limits of human indulgence.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Bed rest

After staying in bed for (more than) the better half of the last 3 days, I feel slightly recharged... and hungry. Had peanut butter on toast while watching Jackie Chan in The Tuxedo last night - felt like giving myself a treat after my illness. Will continue to receuperate but can hardly wait to get back on the ice, expecially now that I've discovered my housemate Sarah can skate - in house tutor - great!!! I've also eaten enough seafood too last me a month but I still have quite a lot left :( There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Am very sick

This is my third flu in approximately 2 months. Slept 15 hours last night in an effort to combat a throbbing headache, blocked nose, cough and fever. My body was going hot and cold all night and in a feverish daze I kept on peeling my socks off and then trying to find them to put them back on. My hands were icy cold the whole night too, which contrasted with my 'boiling' head. I slept for an hour, turned to the clock and thought I'd already slept til 8am the next morning. Thankfully I hadn't. Tried cooling my head down by putting my hands on my forehead and heated up my hands at the same time. Come to think of it, I didn't even have dinner. I think the reason my illness got so bad was because on top of contracting the virus during TASC (olly and Gwilym are both ill too) while I was still recuperating, I went ice-skating without my coat on. Perhaps I didn't generate as much body heat as I thought I would. As Kat said, "Cari sakit ja."

Burung Kakatua,
Ada anak dua..
. how does the rest go?

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Numbers and ice skating

Number of Michael Jackson songs listened to - 5
Number of times I fell - 1
Number of hand protection items I wore - 0
Number of months I signed up for - 3
Number of pounds I payed - 70
Number of hours I walked - 2
Number of hours I skated - 1 1/2
Number of kids who could skate faster than me - 4
Number of kids there - 4
Number of 'friends' made - 1
Number of coughs/ colds/ sore heads/ sore backs contracted - 1 each

The feeling that I might make ice-skating an official hobby - indescribable.

Tried to remember all that Hoong Wai taught me but since he wasn't there the second time around, I had to convince myself that I remembered the right thing even though I was sure I hadn't. Ice skating is not for tortoises - although I think they would do quite well as pucks. The slower one goes, the more one's feet ache. The only way to soothe the ache (besides taking of the skates) is to skate faster. Ironic isn't it? So it was either be scared and not skate fast and so (hopefully) not fall or skate faster, nearly fall too many times to count and feet ache less. I chose the latter but next time I will bring gloves. I am aching all over but I want to get back on the ice. My next session is Saturday if anyone wants a laugh.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Crashing waves, surfing waves

I am glad that objective truth is not rooted in me or anywhere near me or in anything about me. Mornings up, evenings down, mornings pretend, evenings succumb, mornings disdainful, evenings contemplative. Am at several crossroads of several decisions as we all are... who knows, I might be a crossroad in someone else's life. To apply for the BVC, I would have to pay 40 pounds, and that will be before I know if my application has succeeded. I like success, I'm used to it, so if there's a chance I might not succeed, it's a hard decision, a gamble, a risk, and I only like risks I know I can win. In addition, before joining the BVC, I need to be part of one of four Inns of Courts (Lincoln, Middle Temple, Inner Temple and Gray's) and that costs 85 pounds. Admittedly that's a lifetime membership fee. Elena thinks that I should join Gray's Inn because they have an advertised vegetarian option for banqueting. To think, if my parents never brought up the notion of me becoming a barrister, I wouldn't have all this to think about. However, all of a sudden I have taken to going to seminars so surely something good has come out of it... it must be said that this is just the first week. Ask me again next week.

Will be going ice skating tomorrow; signing up for a one month membership and I'll see how it goes from there. No big or ambitious plans - getting my butt or knees off the ice would be a good start. I tend to day dream when I skate. It's only been twice in my lifetime but I always think I'm a dolphin jumping and diving in front of a ship. That is, until someone shouts "Coming through!" or I see a teeny weeny kid plonk in my way then I lose my focus, get disorientated and spin and stumble and... and... no more dolphin. Trepidation spiked with eager anticipation, madness almost, is the feeling that swells up in me when I see water or ice. When I went to Word Alive in Skegness two years ago, the smell of chlorine and the gushing sound of water slides nearly sent me into hysterics. I wanted to jump in and swim and dive... and I would have, held back only by my refusal to swim in the deep end - childhood trauma you see.

Watched 'The Weeping Camel' just now and it has made me even more eager to definitely live in rural Mongolia one day. Just be patient; a virtue I know I lack in large quantities. I want everything NOW and if it's not now it's not good enough. Need to change that. Need to change amongst other things, treating friends like boxes that can be opened and shut at my fancy without any thought to consequence whatsoever. It's easy when one is highly individualistic, secretive and defensive. It is unfortunate and a shame that I have almost perfected my emotional defence system, even worse that I am proud of it. Also watched Richard Dawkin's 'The Root of all Evil' on Channel 4. Before the starting credits ran, I was already seething but part of me pities the guy at the same time. So brilliant yet so foolish. So decided yet so futile. Maybe I will yet be able to get through reading Dan Brown without feeling like I need to fling his book across the room. I think someone once said (and I can't remember who so if it's you, pray tell) that we don't have to defend the Gospel from claims against it, just as we don't need to defend a roaring lion. All we have to do is let it out of the cage, to preach and tell and proclaim and the Holy Spirit will do the rest. I have been praying for irrisistable grace for a few people.

Another bla-di-da thing that happened over the last few hours - either funny or tragic depending on how one looks at it - was that pre-TASC, I completed one of the quizes (You Ideal Relationship Is...) below and post-TASC, I thought, being silly, that I'd show Elena that I was still the same. Instead, apparently, my 'ideal' relationsip is now 'Marriage.' Yowzers. Well, I can always put on an air of spiritual confidence and say we were made for marriage, indeed the church will be the bride of Christ so the very general quiz was not totally wrong if only ridiculously funny. Hahahahahaha. By the way, my 'mission statement' for the blog has changed - I change it every year. It's the white, wordy bit uder the title.

Monday, January 09, 2006


Came back from TASC (The Annual Student Conference)yesterday. What did I do there? Gave Tim Sheppard a new name (Tim-Tam), stayed indoors 95% of the time, saw Marcus hit Naomi(!!!), played giant Jengga, played the Beauty and the Beast musical score over and over and over again, was well fed and overslept on my last day missing breakfast and Bible Review... We studied 1 Corinthians 12 -14, did a Bible overview, saw what unity should look like;

* We should all do things for the glory of God and not for our own glory
* When we use spiritual gifts, we should use them to build others up not to show off
* Speaking in tongues works best where there are people to interpret it - otherwise, at worst outsiders will think we've gone loopy
* Contrary to what Mariah Carey believes, the hero does not lie in us, but in Christ
* Propesying is ace (courtesy of Tim)
* Genealogies are interesting!!!!!! It's like a horror film where we're looking for a prototype of the Christ through generations and generations
* The body of Christ is not 'somewhere out there.' We are already in the body of Christ. We are the body of Christ. So act like it!

This is not sentimental mish-mush. It's better. It's true! Woo hoo.

Anyway, to update you on my BVC stuff, I think my parents left it a little late for me to apply to both an Inn of Courts and the BVC for this first round. However, I can still get my foot in the second round of applications in a month so that will buy me more time. The last I heard from my folks, they're considering the LPC for me as well. I think it's just a ploy to get me to stay in London although they've always given the impression that they want me back home.

So why am I frustrated (see passage heading)? Because division is still rampant. I am still learning to practise renewing my mind. Trying to apply Godly facets to my character and my attitude is like (and will be like) trying to square a circle; fruitless, futile, foolish unless I renew my mind and trust that God is getting rid of my dross.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

More quizzes...

You Are Comet

A total daredevil, you're the reindeer with an edge!

Why You're Naughty: You almost gave Santa a heart attack when you took him sky diving

Why You're Nice: You always make sure the sleigh is going warp speed

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.
Shy and private, you yearn for security.
You take relationships slowly.
You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

Your Ideal Relationship is Friends Only

Honestly, you're not really ready for a relationship right now.
And you prefer to keep things platonic, for now.
That's not to say that one of your friends could be dating material.
You're just taking a break for now.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

From Hoong Wai's blog...

Your Dating Purity Score: 100%

You are an innocent dater.

You're either lacking in dating experience or have had a long serious relationship.

Either way, there's still plenty of fish in the sea out there for you to sample!


Faith - less

My parents want me to apply for the Bar. If a fellow law student said he was applying for the Bar, I would automatically assume he meant the BVC - an extra year for law students who want to become professional barristers (the wig wearing kind). However, there are times when I wish that such 'knowledge' was never disclosed, when the 'bar' meant pub work and bolshy boozers. Ironically, when I 'see' a barrister in my mind, I think of a middle-classed, pompous, gout-ridden man, renown for drinking, prejudice, ill-manners and hanging jowls. I know my radar is 'off' as Sean would remind me, and I do know (of) several really committed Christian barristers who hardly reflect the comical picture I just painted. Perhaps it is my misconception of what being a barrister is that throws me off but as much as I think this is the wrong path, maybe I should trust history and dive in. Afterall, if my history serves me right, the more I don't want to do something, the more God will pull me into it so I might as well surrender now and 'go with the flow.'

Although my parents want me to do the BVC next year, nothing is confirmed because my application could roast on a spit, my CV could burn (in your-CV-is-unimpressive Hell) and my interview could go to pot. What will I say to,

"Why do you want to become a barrister?"
"My parents wanted me to."
"I like to pick a fight."
"I think I'm always right."
"I thought it might be fun."
"I wanted to upgrade my skill levels."

"How long have you wanted to be a barrister?"
"Well, my parents dropped the bombshell the day after Christmas last year... Before that I was preparing myself to go to baking school."

Personally, I think the path to becoming a barrister takes more faith than becoming a missionary in Mongolia. I have butterlies in my stomach.

Monday, January 02, 2006

The inevitable

I made a mental list of New Year's Resolutions but none of them really work because I can't stop being me.

Had dinner with Sean, Victoria and Tristan before heading off to watch the fireworks at London Eye. I never know whether I should join in the noisy festivities or stay away from rowdy people to avoid getting stabbed. It started raining lightly and the tubes were on strike but that did not stop thousands from flocking to see the fireworks around London at different venues. The firework display was as amazing as always and I got right into the celebrations by getting sprayed with champagne. I like this year. So far.. hehehehehe.