Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Incapably Capable

Consider these four sentences;

Capable of failing
Capable of not failing

Incapable of failing
Incapable of not failing

Prima facie, the first and last sentence and the second and third sentence should tally hence,

1) Capable of failing = Incapable of not failing and

2) Capable of not failing = Incapable of failing.

Nevertheless, if we look at the second couplet closely, do we see a numerical probablility loophole? If someone is capable of not failing, does that automatically mean he will be incapable of failing? To say one is capable of not failing is to assume that while he is capable of not failing, there is a possibility that he will still fail. He who is capable of passing does not warrant an inevitable pass; he could still fail. The second half of the equation however credits to the person the impossibility of failing; he will always pass, there is no probability of him ever failing. So, the first and second halves of the second equation do not add up for while one could fail (although he has the potential not to), the other simply cannot fail, whether he wants to or not; it is outside his will.

Now, we shall look at the first equation to see if we get the same impossible answer. If someone is capable of failing, he could choose to fail on purpose or he could, despite his strongest and most ardent efforts, still fall short of passing. To be incapable of not failing; to be incapable of not being able to fail; to be incapable of passing. One who is incapable of passing will undoubtedly fail, using the same deduction put forward in the above argument. So, someone who is capable of failing, cannot be equated with someone who is incapable of not failing for where one could fail, whether up to choice or not, the other cannot possibly pass.

At first glance, it seems that just by placing double negatives and antonyms in certain places (see equation (1) and (2)), we can come up with sentences which match logically and truthfully. However, I think it's pretty clear that we can't.

Capable of failing = The ability to fail, whether purposefully or inevitably - subjective.
Capable of not failing = The ability to pass although failure is still possible - subjective.
Incapable of failing = No longer about the ability of the individual, the individual will pass; statement of fact and therefore both truthful and unquestionable - objective.
Incapable of not failing = Again, not about ability, the individual is incapable of passing - objective.

However, if I were to say, "The sparrow is incapable of flying," assuming I'm talking about a 'normal' sparrow and not one that is maimed, handicapped, hatchling or dead, my statement would be wrong as everyone else would realise that sparrows do fly. How can my statement be wrong though, if it is objective? The problem lies within imposing objective rules on subjects. The objective "Incapable of flying" would be correct in respect to cars, trees, cows (except in hurricane storms - even in The Cat and the Fiddle nursery rhyme, the cow jumped over the moon not flew over it). However, applied to simply any subject without consideration, makes it a subjective statement which will still need to be measured against objective theories such as the Theory of Gravity and of aerodynamics to prove its objective worth.

NB: I thought of the above while trying to understand the philosophy behind agnosticism but that'll prove too long a blog.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Cartoon life

Firstly, I've created a new family in Sims world - Sims is a computer game where you create people and make them into families and put them in neighbourhoods, where you can decorate according to budget and buy things and get promotions... yatta yatta yatta. So, who's in my family? There's moi, my Sim husband (Sully from Dr Quinn Medicine woman look-a-like complete with long hair), called Phineas, three sons and a daughter - Obadiah (who's dressed like someone out of The Matrix), Titus, Melchizadek and Melchizadek's twin, Phoebe, whom I occasionally forget while playing the game. Our family name is Ka so while my kids end up with names like Melchizadek Ka middle names non-withstanding, I get my long awaited Wong-Ka (Wonka; it's all in the name).

On another cartoon note, my life has just potentially taken a turn ala Beauty and the Beast style where Belle is trapped in the castle. Sounds melodramatic? Ah well, that's just me.

Friday, November 25, 2005

More quizzzzzeeees

Men See You As Understated
You are an intriguing mix of girl and woman.You're feminine, quiet, and a total mystery to most men.Yet they often feel the urge to protect you, even if they don't know you.You *are* a flirt, but you usually only flirt with those you know well

I think I can say quite honestly for all the guys I know that they do not feel an urge to protect me. They're just 'concerned' that they might accidentally (or on purpose) sit on me. Yeah, I flirt with my customers... old man with double espresso and japanese chocolates, Sam with a large mocha, Dan Joyce black Americano, American guy with long, curly, brown hair has a variety, Andrew Van Duzer, Ben Ayers - like the rock in the middle of Aussie, some ginger guy whose surname is Buttersworth, a Mexican who says he's not really there for the coffee...

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

To shrew or not to shrew

I told Elena I thought I was a nice person. She snorted. After a 9-hour work shift battling an inevitable onslaught of the flu, I was tired, grumpy and very much myself. Gone was the stick-on-the-happy-face "How are you?" and in its place was someone on the verge on becoming a shrew or am I already a shrew? It might be fun... A shrew, mind you is also an animal...

Read this - Shrew. the animal in you - it's absolutely brilliant. I felt like they were talking about me except when it read, "Cursed with an overactive metabolism." Egotistical and paranoid.

Or could I be a penguin?

But the test also said that I could be a wild dog.

It really should make up its mind.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

What to do? Who to be?

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)
You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced.You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.
What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Commitment Phobe

After taking a test from Beliefnet, I can officially confirm what I've known all along; I am a commitment phobe.

75 - 100(%)
Commitment-Phobic: Your fear of relationships is costing you happiness. You may want to take steps to break your pattern.

Elena said that it was true. Am I unhappy? I don't think so. Elena said that I'm in denial but the fridge is still full. I've not eaten everything yet so am not desperately unhappy. Can anyone tell me how I can break this pattern though? I don't want to be routine. Maybe I should go on a blind date. How's that for change? I might actually meet someone who wants an Alsation called Jerry Lee. Do I want to break this pattern? It might stop me from living in the dessert though... unless, I found someone who wanted not only an Alsation called Jerry Lee but also several hundred acres of space and separate bathrooms. Many people think wanting separate bathrooms and bedrooms an oddity but I think absence makes the heart grow fonder. Does anyone agree with me or am I just a random nutcase?

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Mushed up

The wayther is frizzing - my hends get cold ecily, I thingk Sarah and I both hev sow throts and I kant speel. tryed to compose songs today but they all anded with out ryming so I'm feruschrated with lines and oders and sistems and sistematic thingking. I jast want everithing to be kyos!!! M going to watsch a movi tonit with a feuw peepel but I hev no idia who's going. Shuld be fun. Hev aded Hugh Laurie to mey list of men whome I thingk ar fit. He has bean aded to the lykes of Gordon Ramsay, Gary Rhodes and Val Kilmer. He remines me of my old English Litreechure teacher, Simon Pearson, brown hare, blu ice and all. Cee hoe I speel peepels names okay? It is vari chalenjing to speel badli but I'm hoeping to get in toch with the child syde in me mine. Oso, it makes me thingk of lingwistic filosofy. Is it hard to read bad speeling? I hev to go nou but it has bean a fun day n I looke lyke a walking snoboll.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

On a mission

To buy a table I need.
Cos guests of 15 I have to feed,
Table for 10 I only have,
Fitting 15 in place of 10 is naff.

Do people mind sitting on the floor?
The answer to that I really don't know,
For a few obliged to squat last year
but what if this year's guests have less cheer?

On the floor I would willingly sit,
If 4 others would join me, there'll be a nice fit,
Everyone will get turkey after all,
And potatoes and stuffing and pumpkin galore.

Still, I wish I had enough seats and leg room,
Yet maybe one day soon (or not),
I'll have hundreds of guests in my ger,
And in the dust, they'd be slammin' their rears :)

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Fruits of the Spirit

I am always encouraged whenever I get the opportunity to talk to my friends/ bosses/ random people about Christianity. However, they're not blind to the ongoings in my life and it's frustrating to them and to me when I can't seem to live 'the Godly life' and yet am so passinate about the advancement of the Gospel. Had a chat to Sarah this morning about self-control and not having any rights (cos we've surrendered them all to God). In my first year, we always had application questions after a session of Bible study ie what does this passage mean to me in my life as a Christian, in my life as a student, in my life as a law student? Finally I can see the relevance of those questions! Finally I seem to be able to grasp what Christianity 'not just being a lifestyle' means; a renewing of the mind. A renewing of the mind!!!!!! All of a sudden it makes sense. As a law student, I learn about our rights; legal, moral, political, social bla bla bla... so in my mind, I have certain rights ie the right to be angry, the right to live in solitude, the right to exclude everyone, the right to sulk and brood, the right to deceive, the right to do just what I please, the right not to care, the right to do things the way I think they should be done, the right to worry, the right to want things ironed out... man, that's quite a list. and now I realise that all those rights don't matter, that thinking I have those rights and acting upon them, is actually sinful. Man, I could just be a Pharisee!

For example, something has happened that has mad me furious - I have to say, it doesn't take a lot to make me mad when it's the right person (or wrong person) but generally my threshold of tolerance is quite high. But anyway, I fuming and wondering how much damage I can do without going against the law when Sarah reminds me over breakfast that it's not a good idea because I don't have the right to be angry and so don't have the right to hurt. Strange how we view justice isn't it? A father runs the man who accidentally killed his son over with a truck and the jury gives him a lighter sentence even though his (the father) actions were tantamount to a harsher sentence. Our worldly sense of justice is peverted and as much as Christian lawyers and judges try, it will never be short of perversive and unjust. The funny thing was I woke up this morning and thought to myself, " I could actually go up to so and so and have a civil conversation" but I dismissed the thought because it didn't seem logical; one doesn't just go up to an enemy and say "Good morning." Or should he? I guess my very short conclusion to a very short expansion, is that that it's not my place. I've only just remembered the last line of a talk I heard on Friday, "Jesus in my place." Thank goodness! Jesus in the place of all the stupid things I've said, taking the blame for all my impure thoughts, cruel actions, malicious tongue. If Jesus didn't take my place, I would still 'have' my rights and what a price I would have to pay for them.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Producing productive productions.

I'm feeling quite 'pro' today as opposed to the antagonist roles I usually fill. Woke up bright and early to walk in to complete my first essay. Let it be known that it is now complete and I only have one more essay to write before 3pm this afternoon. My whole hearted zeal (hahahahahahaha) in my work should satisfy my 'student' qualifications. I received a love letter proposing potential marriage from an unknown person in Arab this morning which, can fall under 'random things that happened today' and I've had one pain au chocolat - so my chocolate craving is sated - for now. I could have had two but the chances of Andy's reprimand stopped me. He's my therapist - I have to be honest - there's no point lying to your therapist. Also, to move things along, my parents have decided to paint our house. Blue. Ocean Blue. On the outside. Great. No, I mean it. Great!!! The only house standing out like an iceberg in a row of warm, peachy coloured semis and detaches. And I don't mean iceberg lettuce. I mean proper, stonking iceberg. We'll probably adopt a penguin next or a polar bear. I never thought my parents were weirdos. Now I know where my genes come from. They live in self-denial, chide me for wanting to be over-the-top and then go off to paint our house blue. The other thing is that because my dad works 6 days a week, the house only gets painted on Sundays; when the whole family can pitch in. I think the neighbours will have something to talk about for at least the next month or so then hopefully they'll get bored. Having a blue house has many advantages. It wouldn't look so sad in the rain, it matches nicely with the green palms and it's a sure fire conversation starter... "You see that blue house. Yeah, the weird one standing out like a sore thumb... I live there. Boo."

So yeah, lots of stuff happening today. Dreamt about my friend Brian last night and guess what? This morning he emails and asks a bunch of us to pray over some situation. Hmmm... if my dreams tally with requests, I will be expecting several phone calls... Will be going to either IMAX or Wagamama with Vic today. Has been a long time coming. We used to have Thursdays as 'our' day but now it has shifted to Mondays.

Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm going to cook the biggest turkey I can carry in the supermarket. Or maybe I'll get Sean to come along cos he can carry more. Last year Elena carried the turkey and I'm surprised she's still standing. All I could do was roll in over the other dead birds, up the freezer wall into the trolley and up the side of the trolley onto the conveyor belt. I have a new jacket and have received mixed comments about it. One person said it made my legs look thinner... another said it made me look like an ewok. For those who don't know what Ewoks are, check out the Star Wars stuff - they're the short, furry creatures who are about as tall as they are wide (see above).

Friday, November 11, 2005

In all honesty...

I have been particularly stressed this week.
I have a Tort essay due tomorrow evening.
I have a Media essay due Monday evening.
I sing radio songs out loud whilst serving people at the union.
I use a 30 inch ruler with a piece of blue tack attached at the end to press the buzzer letting people into the gym because I don't want to leave my seat :)
I once asked a woman on the bus to ding the ding-dong bell.
The only person who has ever made me doubt chocolate is Andy Roberts.
I still think of Martin's green MG (sports car).
I will be making chocolate puddings with gooey centres for dinner tomorrow.
Fireworks have a sentimental value attached in my life.
I say "Thank you" and "You're welcome," more than a hundred times a day.
I think too much.
I fell in the St Hugh's (Oxford) dining hall. With my dinner. Twice.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


The print on the green wrapping of Always - women's essentials "hrummphh"; just prior to that 'special' time every month, a woman is more prone to 'speak her mind.' Either I should refrain from blogging during this sensitive time or I have permanent PMT and refraining isn't going to help. I wrote a brilliant essay for my Jurisprudence, quoting Aristotle and such... a phrase which also happened to feature in Legally Blonde. I wonder if my tutor will notice.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Growing pains (not pain au chocolat)

I'm halfway to midlife, have not shown any 'real' signs of growing vertically and yet 'growing pains' plague me wherever, whenever. Putting my migraines to one side (my mum has grown out of them so there's hope for me yet), emotional growing pains have left and are leaving scars that I doubt will ever heal. That old phrase, 'time heals all wounds' is true. However, the remnant of those wounds will always be there to remind, perhaps to warn against, falling into similar situations in the future. Unfortunately, I seem to have left my glasses at 'home' and forget the scars until new wounds appear and measuring them against old scars, I realise that I am, in fact, a serial, emotional masochist. I guess life is a learning curve and I think I learn new things from my 'thorns,' if not the same lessons but from a different, more 'worldly-wise' perspective.

Most people respond to emotionally-charged, negative situations by either becoming incensed or by crying. There are a lucky few who are able to remain static come hail or high water. As I come to recognise that being angry is wrong and that brooding harms only me and try to change, to my chagrin, now-a-days whenever I find myself in sticky situations, I find myself more apt to cry than to get angry! For someone who dislikes crying in private (horror of horrors if I cried in public!!!), I have to wonder, have I come far at all or have I just regressed? There was a time when I didn't have to bother with water-proof mascara and now I almost have to think to myself whether I need it. Awful stuff growing up is. I should just lock myself away in a cabin until I mature into a ripe 75.

My life is like a see-saw. At the point when my involvment with Gospel work seems most intense and when I'm most excited and encouraged and challenged, my personal life takes a tumble and drives me mad - not happy mad, not angry mad, consuming-my-life-heart-stuck-in-my-throat mad. And when I think my personal life is growing and fitting into place, my desire for evangelism grows complacent and dry. At what cost to myself to be Heavenbound? My heart, my future, my dreams, my comforts, my life. As Christian did in John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, with my fingers to my ears, I need to echo "Life, life, eternal life!"

Friday, November 04, 2005

Washing up

Last night during R.E.M, I dreamt that I lived in a dinghy flat in central Paris without a bathroom in it so I had to take my bath in a top-load washing machine. I leaned too far back (because it was cramped and I wanted to stretch my legs), it toppled over, the lid shut and I was trapped inside drowning... and then I woke up. Now I have a terrible headache.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


I have to tell you about this amazing massage parlour I went to. Okay, the room wasn't that great - it's a single room in the Columbo sports centre with orange lighting - but Andy was really cool/ sweet/ professional; not at all like the mentally unsound psychotic killer I imagined up AND he's Australian!!!!! No distinctly animal music although I heard birds briefly. Maybe I'll bring my own CD the next time. Yes folks, there is going to be a next time. Two weeks Tuesday, I'll be due for a Reiki massage. Yesterday I received some Japanese massage, which was supposed to alternate between light and deep massage. However, anything less than deep tissue caused me to laugh (cos it was ticklish - Andy commented that I was the most ticklish person he'd ever had to massage) so deep tissue all the way it was. I must be filled with toxins because I felt strangely woozy after, which he said was normal but three hours later and still feeling like I wanted to hurl, I rang him up to ask what I should do. I forgot to mention my history with migraines and he did massage my head quite a lot... I also rang Carly because a tightness in the chest made me think I was having a reaction to the oil/ massage bla bla bla. But I'm okay now and Andy suggested that I change my very pro-meat diet :)

As I prayed last night, I realised that I had forgotten how good it was to talk to God. I have been so stressed about nothing compared to the promises God has given me. Revelations speak of the blessings waiting for us; no more tears or curses or pain or separation from the one person (or should I say three) who matters.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Chocolate high

Lots and lots and lots of expired chocolate at the Union means for the next few days I will be a glazy eyed, finger drumming, knee jerking happy loopy. Imagine... a chocolate fix every hour on the hour... or actually before the hour. I have to say though, I can 'do' loopy without being on a chocolate high. Being on a choc fix also means that when I talk to nice people at the Union ie my 'customers,' especially those of the male sort, I get uncontrollably giggly and tongue tied (trying to think of something intelligent but when one gets to a certain stage of chocolateness, sanity is just a passing thought) then they think I'm weird :( I think weirdness should be credited anyone who headbangs to Abba's Mamma Mia. There're some guys who come in for the same drinks everyday and the same newspaper that sometimes I save one for them. Routine bunnies. I've been standing here since 6.30am, during which, I've spent some time doing star jumps and pretending I was a horse in dressage. Obviously, I'm not a morning person although it's another beautiful day.

Will be going for my first full body deep tissue/ holistic massage after this and I can't wait!!!!! My concern is that I'm ticklish so Andy might get mad at me for giggling and twitching cos then he wouldn't be able to do his job properly. Plus, I get it FREE cos I'm a loyal member of staff :)... who helps scavenge unwanted chocolate... and smoothies. So, I don't think he'll want to spend time on me when he can serve a paying customer. I've wanted a proper massage for ages - my back has been really sore lately and as a result I keep on cracking my neck, shoulder blades and backbone, which sends bullet shot sounds to the person sitting next to me or behind me in church... namely Alice Finch. The only other thought trailing in my mind is that after watching a trailer of American Psycho, I don't know if I really want to be alone in a room with a strange guy I've not met before. The aromatheraphy candles and calming music could just be another way to lull me into a false sense of security and then.... WHAM!!! Eee-eee-eee (sounds effects of blade being raised and slashing me to bits). Oh well, if I have to go, he'd better have lavender candles and animal related music.

Music inspired by George Stubbs and the horse would be good (you can get the CD from the National Gallery; it's got Mozart and Strauss I AND II on it) or any 'nature' sounds ie dolphins, waterfalls, blue whales or something like that. When I went to Aussie, I found several CDs on 'nature' music but didn't get any but I'll always remember swaying in the music store without a care in the world listening to the same sample soundtrack over and over again. Ah, good days my time in Aussie were.