Sunday, May 29, 2005

I have puppies!

I will try put up pictures soon, but let it be known that I have 2 new puppies; one male (Troy) one female (Deuce). They are 3 weeks old and have the fluffiest fur and I'm going to make sure they get the whole pampering package of baby oil after a bath. It makes the fur soft. Their mum (Sally) is doing well although she's far more hungry than usual which is expected and their dad (Bobby, neighbour's dog) looks a bit dim and marks his territory everywhere which is... a bit dim :) The puppies are both white and are the cutest things ever. Deuce keeps on falling into the drain though... I'll take pictures but as I have no digicam, you'll have to wait until I get hold of a scanner to show you. I do have a scanner but as I am BACK HOME (woo hoo) my scanner is in London.

The weather is boiling here and I didn't get much sleep on the plane firstly, because I had a very bad headache and had to take the 'emergency' 1000 mg paracetamol that I got off Sarah and secondly, because this little girl who sat behind me kept on kicking my chair. I took the window seat on my flight to KL and then again on my flight to Kuching. As a result, the airhostesses kept on passing by without my being able to catch hold of them so I couldn't get my full course of pineapple juice and peanuts galore. The airport here is under loads of scaffolding but I guess it'll be worth it as when it's finished, it will be the second largest airport in Malaysia, or so I'm told. I've been here a few days now but I'm still jet-lagged. Last night was the first time I slept through the night relatively well. The night before that I woke up at 2am and couldn't go back to sleep so I just wandered around the house and my bedroom and did my nails...

I know I've been away too long when...
1) The sales girls do not understand my English.
2) My expectations of customer service is ridiculously high.
3) People are no longer sure whether I've put on weight or lost it.
4) I do not understand (or I have forgotten) why showing a little bit of skin is wrong.
5) My brother is almost as tall as I am and he's only 8.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Pigs and clouds

Through the air,
peach coloured pigs flying,
saw I.

Had turned grey,
when up again
looked I.

To a crisp
were barbecued,
think I.

But hard to find,
peach coloured pigs
and barbecued greys,
know I.

I'm trying to talk like Yoda :) cos I think he's ultra super cool.

Friday, May 20, 2005

...

Was chewing on a bit of nail I ripped off my index finger. Am listening to Jars of Clay over Windows Media. Will be going to watch Stars Wars 3 tonight.

Had a 12 hour long sleep to recharge. Currently having a bad case of dry skin. Will be eating the remains of a mango I left in the fridge. The remains of a mango... I make it sound like a carcass. or do I want it to sound like a carcass.

"I'm the king of the swingers,
Oh, the jungle VIP,
I reached the top
and had to stop
and that's what's bothering me."

He had reached the pinnacle of what he could be and yet King Louie from The Jungle Book was not satisfied. It could be because progress is important in everyone's lives. A river is steaming with life because water flows through it; into it and out of it. A lake is stagnant and eventually dries up as dead animals rot and disintegrate and become soil to fill it up. Although the lake will one day become another form of life ie plants and trees and in all honesty, will itself give life in the form of oxygen, food and shelter, even the trees will need water. If we're not bothered to progress, we have, indirectly, chosen to rot in stagnation. Maybe that's what King Louie was talking about.

"Oh doo bi doo,
I want to be like you ooh ooh (doobi doobi doobi),
I want to walk like you (you)
Talk like you (you),
Ooh ooh ooh bee doo,
You see it's true - ooh ooh,
An ape like me - ee ee (doobi doobi doobi),
Can learn to be - ee ee
Hu (you you) man too ooh ooh.

John Stuart Mills said that it was better to be a human dissatisfied than a pig satisfied. Voiltaire spoke of the wise Brahmin who rather be discontented and unfulfilled as a 'thinking' person than be a simpleton ignorant yet content. God says that His grace is sufficient for us.

Is it possible to be sufficiently satisfied in God's will, power, grace, mercy and love for our lives yet still be so discontented with what we have done and what we have that we strive to extremes to avoid complacency? I am worried that if I 'settle down' I will forget to strive, forget that there is another battle to be fought, forget that contentment can too easily be replaced by forgetfulness. sometimes as I live each mometn I think to myself, "There, that moment has passed! What have I done? What did I think of? There, another moment has passed! Was God my joy then? Was He my everything then? Is He my everything now?"

"And oh I feel like dancing,
It's foolishness I know,
But when the world has seen the light,
They will dance with joy like we're dancing now."
(I will sing of Your love forever)

Are we dancing? Do we dare be humiliated or do we just wonder why others don't dare? Isn't it British not to care what other people think? Isn't it British to take pride in not caring what other people think as long as we know in ourselves that it is right? Whether or not it is objectively right is another question and yes, I believe there is such a thing as objective truth. If we can be as daring, as bold, perhaps even to the point of recklessness in our faith, or pay as much care to it as we do our dressing, should we not be the most vibrant people around? Are we ashamed to be called Christians? Are we ashamed to call our brothers and sisters to accountability? If the church we recognise today ie a large congregation gathered together at one place at one time should one day no longer be allowed, will we casually accept that 'church' is dead and so need no longer make the effort? If we are ashamed now, if we do not stand up now, if we do not account for things now, when will we? Later? It does not get any easier. When we have more time? We have less and less time each day we live. "Am I bothered?" is one of the saddest phrases around unless the answer is yes. I have a lot to learn and I know the road is long and dreary and that I will feel like quitting. The road has been long and who can say it will be longer? At the end of the day there might be even less of me than there already is. I count my gain as loss, I count my crowns as rubbish, I sacrifice anything that might make me feel empowered by my own hand and by my own works to the cross. Naked I came and naked I will leave. I do not need saving from fashion disasters or too much kebab or even the sickness that injures me. They are but products of a world whose problem is much deeper and fuller than that. If I think I need saving from frock ups or the flu or could-be-better hand-eye coordination, I should ask that all that, even the little that I have, be taken away from me so that I will be aware that it is only my desperate state I need saving from. Sometimes I wonder whether I should contemplate as much as I do. Maybe it's not healthy, maybe I should just get on with it, after all, I will never be able to contemplate fully the one thing I desire, to see God face to face. To hear His voice unquestionably, to know and be known not just in my heart but with all the sense and senses in the world.

Disillusioned

I had fun today taking Yvonne all around London to the parts we could carry our little feet to. Went to Covent Garden, Trafalar Square, the palace etc etc and did all the usual touristy things. Also took her to see St Helens cos I needed the toilet and we went to Tower Bridge and etc. Also did quite a bit of shopping, I kissed a few horses and went to the Christianity Explored dinner where I've met some people I definitely want to keep in touch with.

However, all the hectic stuff aside, I am feeling disillusioned and detached from the world I am living in. I guess one problem is I don't want to make the effort anymore. I don't want to conform, I don't want to be who everyone thinks I am, I don't want to pretend that I enjoy everyone's company, I don't want to pretend to be optimistic or to be an optimist for that matter. I don't want to pretend that I don't care when people don't care but when people don't care, I don't want to care either. A lot of stuff back home has changed and have been changing and I will have to go back and face a culture shock. A culture shock in my own hometown. How am I supposed to react to it? by being oblivious? By not caring? Why should I be angry? Nothing is as it seems to be. I dislike half-hearted attempts and forced obligations. I'd rather not do it at all. I dislike 'airs and graces' and pretentiousness and people being 'fake' whatever that means. I dislike people who can't make up their minds and who live on not making up ther minds. I dislike people who pretend to care but only to gratify their store of gossip and 'educated' opinion about how the world and the people living in it should be. I'm disillusioned with a lot of people and a lot of situations right now. The person whose job description includes things like 'warm and welcoming' can't wait to shut you up and kick you out. Back home, life is simpler and there are knobs and knocks that get to me but life is simpler. The church may not have the best teaching but the people are sincere and welcoming. maybe today just happened to be a bad day for everyone. Maybe this month just happened to be 'let's all be grumpy and moody and standoffish' month. Maybe this year just happened to be 'let's just act like last year' year. Mabe it's just me. But if it's just me, maybe I don't belong here. I don't belong back home anymore for reasons X, Y, Z and I don't belong here for reasons A, B, C. I am looking forward to going home but I know that my life has uprooted from there. I am looking forward to coming back next year and to tell more people about the gospel and to do it with zeal and renewed energy but I know that I have yet to put down roots. There is a certain mistrust I have with places with too many people in it. There is a certain mistrust I have with people who are 'too nice.' More often than not, they are not 'so nice' but I would rather get to know the not so nice and know who I am sharing my life with than being given the smoke screen package all dolled up in cotton wool because 'no one can handle it.' But then, who am I to complain? Does anyone really know me at all? It's so easy to define me isn't it? Dogs, horses, chocolate. Or that's what most people think. Or maybe everyone has wonderful insight and I'm just thinking what I think other people think. Some know better.

Maybe my restlessness is good. Maybe God will turn it into a strength. Maybe I need to learn something from it before He can use it, use me. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe these words don't really mean anything at all. Maybe.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Cuffs and Co

Today:
Cooked Tom Bolster lunch. Made the mistake of saying 'Tom Bolster' instead of 'Tom Hutton' whilst ticking off names of people getting married this summer and got a response accordingly. Also found out that Tom will turn 20 on 31 May, and not 21 as I previously thought. Will see him again on Tuesday before I leave and never see him again(?)

Met Jo and Priss after their exams. We went to Covent Garden cos I wanted to buy my dad some cufflinks. I think they both got a bit bored after an hour... the shop was so exciting! I think I will start buying guys cufflinks for their birthdays/ special occasions although I have a vague suspicion it is not proper etiquette. I saw this set of cufflinks that had a black and white photo of a horse on it. I sooo wanted to get it but I don't think my dad's a big horseperson. If you're a guy and you like horses or are somehow, in my mind linked to them and is reading this, guess what I'm getting you for your birthday? I settled with a pair of stained glass red ovals, which I hope he will wear, if he has a shirt with cufflink holes...

Haagen Dazs next and we all had smoothies.

Walked Priss to Charing Cross then Jo and I went to Waterstones as I upgraded myself with intellectual stimulation from very dry and witty conversation. We then went to Diva - coffee bar - and sat and drank and discussed multiple personalities and nervous systems and whether it was possible for me to become a genius.

Tomorrow I'll be bringing Yvonne sight seeing and I'll try do all the 'tourist stuff' we're meant to do when guests are around. Another visit to Bertorelli seems appropriate. In the evening, the CE dinner at Katy's should round the day up nicely.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Full moon, half moon, total eclipse.

I have completed all my exams and today's exam (Moral Philosophy) was great! Or maybe I shouldn't say it with such gusto in case but no matter, God is good. The three questions I spotted came up:

Abortion, What makes a life go best and Survival Lottery.

Was mumbling all 9 points of Thompson's defence for abortion to myself on the bus cos I couldn't make up a suitable story for them and Feinberg's 5 criterion and the 3 'personhood' test. I didn't get to use my Frankenstein, Milton's Paradise Lost or 'I, Robot' analogies because there just was not enough time. Although now that I think of it, it might have made my arguments more 'me' and less from the book. I had to jot down all the stories and mini stories I created to remember philosophers' names and where they feature and what their theories mean on 2 A4 draft sheets cos there were a lot of stories but I managed to get all my points through and I used 4 booklets in the exam in total (about 32 pages) and wrote til my hand was frozen in a clench and I had to take time out to flex it. Yay! Yay! Yay! I only managed to talk about higher primates, cats, jackals, giraffes, worms and pigs because the animal morality and sexual morality did not come out but I managed to insert it under the abortion arguments and John Stuart Mills. Other sub stories I created this morning in desperation were:

Watership Down Lost Control
Puddle Duck
Phyra Realised God Existed and
Don't Choose Lust.

The one thing I'm truly happy with in this exam is that I got to talk about God! In the abortion question I brought the sanctity of life into the argument thanks to Dworkin and I added Jeremiah 1:5. In 'What makes a life go best?' I put the gospel in and why as Christians we believe that the best way to live is God's way and in the Survival lottery, which talks about killing one person to save two or more, I spoke of redemption. I'm not an official theologian so my points might have been jumbled and not particularly eloquent but I'm glad I put down what was the most important thing to me - my relationship with God. This whole exam period, I've been waiting to get into the exam hall and write what I truly feel and am convicted of instead of quoting laws that I might never use again. I actually thought to myself this morning, in a moment of weakness, as to whether it was worth it to write down a very vigorously pro-Christian perspective as the ultimate answer to all my questions. I thought maybe if I answered one question the 'Christian' way, that would be sufficient to show the examiner that I was a Christian because I didn't want to seem too 'full-on.' To me, it is not sufficient just showing that I have knowledge of Christian values and principles, I have to show that they work, both personally for me as a Christian and socially, else it will just be another empty argument. But in the end through God's grace, I came to the conclusion that it's not about the mark I get, it is about a time in the future when I will stand in front of God and we will look through my life and I want to be able to say that at least at so-and-so point in time, I considered knowing and being known by Him and not being ashamed to stand up for what I believe in even though it happened to be the least popular argument that would deliver the most ridicule, more important and more precious to me than anything in the world. We never truly understand or know why or what we believe until we are tested by it.

Anyway, after exams, I met up with Victoria and we had a very nice Starbucks chat and went shopping! Tonight CU, tomorrow Jo and Priss and possibly RML; I haven't made up my mind yet because of the things I have to do which sounds almost hypocritical after I've just mentioned that I want to stand up for Christ. The Bible says that we are saved, not by works so we can boast, but through Christ on the cross, the only thing we should boast in. I boast in my failures because in my weakness he is my strength. I boast in my ignorance because in my simplemindedness, he is my truth. I boast in my pain because then I have something worthwhile to surrender to him.

Before I forget

Yes, my last exam is tomorrow morning at 10 but until then I still need to maintain information in my overloaded brain.

Voon, my mum looks too young, don't I know it. Some might even think she were me. In fact, some did, when I went back to Marudi 2 years ago. I guess that's one more thing for me to look forward to and another incentive to pack full of fruit and veg. Calling all good genes...

Everyone go to Leo's page! It's under Homies.

I took Wai Nyan to Bertorelli last Friday and then on to his first experience of LUSH! Was trying to persuade him to pamper himself a bit more and in the end bought him a 'Honey I washed the Kids' soap bar to last him a year and a 'Blue Skies and White Clouds' bubble bar.

Went to Deaney's house, after I left Wai Nyan, to see him for the last time :( until I return to London and he returns from Essex. Watched 'The Mission' - brilliant film and made me think more about what could be expected of me in the future as a possible rural missionary. Met 4 new people, one of whom is a certain Tom Trump who makes the yummiest home made doughnuts I have tried to date, glazed with coffee or chocolate. Numbers are all in my mobile to invite people round to dinners when I get back to catch up.

I have decided to do any 3 of the following out of 10, which in turn is out of a possible 17, in my exam tomorrow:

Anything on animal morality.
Anything on sexual morality.
Anything on the ultimate good.
Anything on abortion.

Possibly on Kant and the Categorical Imperative.
Possibly on Consequentialism vs Deontology.

I've also decided that I'm definitely going to insert the following animals into my argument (as appropriate): chimpanzees, prairie dogs, pigs, dogs, horses, flies and giraffes. I might think of other animals along the way.

I've even made up stories to help me remember my points:
Cuckoo, Insane, Emanciated Nutcase.
Be Dirty So Duncan Smells.
Loopy Kangaroo Played All Summer Polishing Rabbits.

There's even stuff about mouldy cucumbers, Einstein's sister, violent Bill murdering someone, a Tyrannasaurus' aunt and nosing for potatoes, not forgetting D-O-H. I've gone slightly loopy myself. Can't wait to get home. Can't wait to see all my homies. Can't wait to see all my peeps here after my exams and can't wait to go shopping.

God is good.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Question spotting

Moral Philosophy. 5 topics, 7 seminars. Memorise. What?
Abortion.
Ultimate good.
Morality: Is it all Relative and The Role of Reason.
Free will, Determinism and Moral Responsibility.
Deciding what is Right: Consequentialism and Deontology.

All with very simple answers but hard to explain because the silly subject prefers to make my life difficult by requiring hard, and intellectually confusing answers. As long as I can insert all I know about Chimpanzee incest, social anomalies using prarie dogs as an example and the genetic basis of kinship or anything about sexual morality... Sexual morality will probably crop up in any topic I choose. Almost everyone if not everyone finds some sort of interest in it so if my examiner is happy, he will be apt to give me more marks if only for ingenuity and amusement.

I think by the time my examiner finishes reading my paper, he will come to the conclusion that I know quite a lot about animals but not much about what he taught in class. I also hope to somehow point him (or hope that the Holy Spirit through my writing will - that would be a miracle) away from his agnosticism by refuting anti Jesus-is-the-only-way and the distinctly distasteful we-evolved-from-apes philosophies vigorously through sound proof and Christian philosophy. Urrrrhhh..... or maybe I could just waggle my tongue and talk nonsense as most philosophers seem to do.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Uneasy

The eeriness of a situation... that I need to be on the alert for some prowling menace, which may turn out to be not the green, fanged lipped monster with 300 eyes and gashing wounds that I am prepared to do battle with but rather, a cloudy sea frog, clammy, sinister, slippery and so slipping through my grasp. Am I no longer in control of the situation? Some things just have to be done. Pretence must be embraced as though it were real in order to fool the eyes and blur the minds of others but can the game be played? If the game were to be played, it must run accordingly and so smoothly that no hint of disarray be seen by the opposition. However, if the game were to be played so well, so aptly, so perfectly, the question then will be, would the game become reality? The more I say I do not care, the more I believe I do not care and the more I really do not care. In fact, I do not care is not even the tip of a giant ice berg. I do not care has broken off and floated away to be melted by warmer seas and how I did not care ever arose, I do not know. And the more I say I do not know, the more my mind believes I do not know and so at the end of the day, when my consciousness bugs me and my morals try to sting me, I would have forgotten what I claimed not to know as a result of embracing the fiction that became reality... that I do not care. And without any recollection, which is also my consciousness, a moral vacuum exists. So now, do we want to play the game?

We do don't we? We say no but we mean yes. Again, communication has no meaning because signals are mixed and no one means what they say anymore. 'It's okay" means it is definitely NOT okay and "Whatever" means it means a lot. The chance to change who we are and to redefine the way people see us is enticing, it's desirable, it's so ingrained, it's almost lustful. Narcissistic love. Narcissistic hate. They are both separate entities without a single defining source. Rubbish. One cannot live without the other. If one does not have the ability to love, can it be possible that the same person hate? Both are strong emotions that feed on and produce emotional energy or letahrgy. The new creation. Will we lose our ability to hate or would it be that we would not want to hate anymore? Love or hate is only expressed in the varying quantities of love and hate there is within a person but the other is never totally extinguished. Enough said. I don't really want to say anymore anyway. I miss the days of brooding in my room with the airconditioning at freezing point and music blasting in my ears from my walkman. I miss the days of shuffling my feet and not needing an excuse to be moody. I miss the days of cutting people out of my life because they meant too much to lose. Ironic isn't it?

Am I who I really am
or am I who I think I was?
Am I who I think I am
or is 'I am' my past?

Am I wanting something more
or just a chance to blast?
Am I striving for a goal
when it is easier to rust?

Do I know who I am,
is 'I am' today,
the same as 'I am' tomorrow,
the same 'I am' yesterday?

Or maybe I don't care.

Shopping

I bought:

An umbrella for me.
A pink skirt for my sister.
An orange and green skirt for me (that I've had my eye on for 3 months).
A blue netted thing to wear over the shoulders.
A pink netted thing for me.
An 'Incredibles' T-shirt for my bro.
A straw hat for me.
Deodorant. That smells. That smells like washing powder. That smells like very strong washing powder. What was I thinking?

Tom and Sean told me yesterday that I looked like a girl. Great.

Have to start studying again. Moral Philosophy is next Tuesday and this time it aint open book so I need to know stuff in my brain. I want some chocolate... RML tonight. Will sidle over after my shift and do some reading in between. Maybe I'll read Peter Singer's views on animal Morality to disagree with it. I really want chocolate. I wonder if cigarettes taste like chocolate.

Currently reading: Where is God when it hurts? (P. Yancey)

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I've lost 3 pounds!

Body weight, not money.

Had half a mango for breakfast and pesto, bacon, spinach, pasta for an early dinner. Bought a scarf for my sister (and one for me) and will be going to buy her (and myself) a belt and maybe another skirt or dress for me... and if Whittards is open, more shopping :) She wants bags as well so I'll have to go look for something that looks like it could be worn on a decently fashionable human being.

Property exam over!

3 down, one last one to go. Today's exam was the hardest I ever took. All the questions I spotted came out in a weird way. That's the best way I can put it so I had to answer the three questions I did NOT spot or expect to put much hope in. My fourth question was on Property Registration from 1017 (Domesday) to current law ie Law Property Act 1925. I spent the whole of Sunday just reading and reading and reading until my eyes started welling up for no reason (I was NOT crying) and I felt like my body had lost its osmosis control ie the pressure inside my body was the same as the pressure outside my body and so liquid just flows from one to the other... spreading out, if you like. Whatever. I had already read 3 thick photocopied lots of property history and I had 15 to read so that was, like I said, a LOT of reading. Yeah, yeah, I should have read it earlier but hey, it's over now. Anyway, with all the knowledge in my head, I went and did the exam. I felt the slightest twinge of a headache as I sat down but dismissed it as stress. Prayed (as I always do before exams) and opened the paper. This girl sitting next to me started highlighting her paper in bright yellow - it would not have surprised me one bit if several of us were chucked out of the exam hall for 'looking' at her - the yellow could be spotted a mile away. I rubbed my forehead in semi-amusement and proceeded. I wouldn't go into too much detail the horrors I had to endure (except to say that I nearly threw up when the exam was over because the intense stress and pressure on my brain was suddenly relieved) but I know now three things:

1) All things done for God's glory is indeed not done in vain. I really do not know what I'll get in my exam but I sat for it to the glory of God. It's not in vain because I spent time with Him, I sang, laughed, depended on Him even more. Some might say that it only happens during exams and that we should do that all the time. Indeed! But we are weak creatures and in our weakness, when we recognise that our Heavenly Father is above all things, we glorify Him. Therefore, if exams bring me closer in my relationship with my God, then let my days be filled with the toil and labour and possible 'meaninglessness' of exams as long as that time is spent with God; they will not be in vain. Just to remind you, I have one more paper, so am not gloating nor am being sado-masochistic. In my weakness, He is my strength; His grace is sufficient for me.

2) ...

3) Always answer questions on animals. In Trusts I answered the question on the horse painting by Stubbs. In Property I answered an easement/ leases/ restrictive covenants of sort question on horses and sheep, which also featured Crabb as one of the cases. All things great and small, the Lord God (my God) made them all. If anything, they made me calm down as I could picture them in my mind and I was actually starting to wonder if it made much difference in the law whether different species of sheep were involved as some sheep have apparently higher IQ than other sheep and so much more effort would have to go into making the sheep do certain things, highlighting the fact that the guy was determined.

I know I mentioned that I know three things. In all fairness, I know more than just three, but in context, I have forgotten the second one.

I have to go to work tomorrow at 1.30pm. Will walk in after a long lie in. Will possibly buy a skirt after I finish work to cheer me up or a chunky belt or Whittard's chocolate covered coffee beans for my mum.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Tax exam over

2 down, 2 to go. I now know everything I need to know about Income Tax and Capital Gains Tax, although other people might like to know more.

Salutations and acknowledgments to:
Joe for notes, sticky paper, a study table, neurofen, banana smoothies, Bible verses and loads of patience.
Tara for lunch and dinner and lunch and dinner and lunch and dinner... having someone to laugh with at the study table and to eat strawberry laces and dried apricots with and cutting up the pineapple...
Sean for looking after us while we study and washing up after us and helping me destress by playing football and doing the occasional chicken and vegetables with Chinese sauce.
Tom and Jamie for letting me crash at your place and Tom for feeding me Montana triple chocolate bars and Jamie for chocolate digestives.
Sarah for letting me use her Internet connection to print out past year questions, without which, I would be in a lot more trouble than I already am and for letting me eat her Shreddies for 'slow burning carbohydrates' necessary for exams.
Everyone else for praying very hard that I didn't panic and didn't just sit there in the exam hall laughing. I rang my dad today and all I said was, "Pray very hard."

2 to go. It's not over yet. I shall report next week when exams are over unless something funny comes up that I have to tell you guys. Am going to Tesco now for fruit and veg.

Other things on my agenda besides studying:
Wai Nyan is coming to the UK for a week and I'm trying to fit studying, work and seeing him at least once.
Yvonne is coming the day Wai Nyan leaves but I shall only see her after my Moral Philosophy exam.
But not on the 17th cos I'll be seeing Victoria and not on the 18th cos I'll be seeing Priss and Joanna. Not the 19th cos I'll be going for my go-karting that I was supposed to go to for my birthday and dinner after. Maybe the 20th or 21st but not the 22nd cos that's Sunday and I have to say bye to everyone at church. Not the 23rd cos I'll be running around China town buying preparations for dinner whilst at the same time shopping for presents nor the 24th cos I'll be at another dinner and I'll be leaving here, 7am on the 25th. It looks like you won't have much of Debbie anymore. Aren't we all happy?

Other things on my agenda besides those already mentioned:
I'm trying to get Holty to buy me Dover Castle and fill it with Belgian chocolate fudge like the type they sell in Windsor where Tara bought some and it was yum.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Trust exam over

My Trust exam is over! I did better than I thought I would but as I thought I wouldn't do well at all, the better that I did was not much of an improvement. I used up all three and a half hours of the time and managed to draw a horse's head as well to remind myself that one of the Trust fund property was potentially a picture of a horse by Stubbs. Tomorrow morning I have Tax law and have yet to prepare for it. Bright highlighters and 5 years' worth of exam papers to practise my technique is a strategy I exercise on all my exams, starting this year. I also exercised my right to vote today for the first time in my life. Fun!

Monday, May 02, 2005

Fruit basket

In Malaysia, I am known as a banana. A banana is not someone stupid that, given the current situation I am in, you might think I am talking about. Rather it is a Chinese person who is more Western than Chinese. I look Chinese and am fortunate enough to inherit a very rich Chinese heritage but everything else about me is not. I am also known as an apple. Not only am I the apple of whoever's eye, I say whoever because I don't want to assume that I actually am the apple of the eye of the person I am assuming... Sarah is sitting here helping me with my fruit dictionary. Anyway, I am also an apple because I am apple-shaped and am red (or green with jealousy, ooooh....) and grow on trees. However, I think I also fall under the category of peachy. I can also turn green and mouldy and be sour but that's another fruit story. Sarah on the other hand, is pear shaped. Before you think I am nuts, she has consented to the aforesaid statement. I also happen to be sour grapes and am seedless. Sarah says that makes me sound infertile so maybe I am not as seedless as I think I am. What I meant to say was, that there isn't a bitter bone in my body and we all know that seeds are bitter, except the few who just swallow them and let them entertain their bowels. I don't get very orange a la David Dickinson, as I am proud to say that I have a NATURAL tan. At the moment, I could be a watermelon, and if you wait for me to explain without laughing too hard, I will. Exams equals drinking loads of water and as I have mentioned many times before, I drink like a camel. We have also established that I am red and green like an apple and am no doubt round. Therefore, I think I am a watermelon. Plus, I wear stripy socks.

Adam occasionally mentions that I am a star, as he does a lot of people. Since we are in this whole fruit business, I am claiming status as a starfruit as well. Pineapple; I wear my hair up with a pen to keep it from falling into my face and more often that not, the results make me look like an extended pineapple. We all know I'm a lemon or am I? Maybe I'm just pretending to be a lemon whilst you're all trying to be oranges so that in the end, I'm the orange and you're all stuck being lemons. If you did get that, you really are a lemon. So, from bananas to lemons, whether you are the fruit or you eat the fruit, or in some cases, wear the fruit, just remember that fruit is good for you and you must eat 5 portions of fruit a day and drink lots of milk with vitamin D3 to retain calcium as the peak for bone density growth is 25 years of age. Eat tofu and salmon and blanched vegetables and Jamie Oliver will be happy with you.

This has been a production of the Healthy Television Workshop (not) but as most people are hypocrites, I might as well admit that I am going to have yet another giant, spring roll, deep fried in oil, dripping with animal grease, tonight for supper. Thank you God for giant spring rolls.

I'm just fine

It has been a week since my last blog - I have been studying! A good sign, no doubt, although I still claim to know almost nothing Law related. Trust exam is tomorrow and I think I'll pass. Oh yeah, I'm fine. Not panicking, no need to call David Beckingham to calm me down with understated words of wisdom, no need to call my parents to talk about "What if I fail?" although I had that chat already with Katy Bentley-Taylor and we found many many jobs I could do. waitressing, bus conductoring, theatre person selling pop corn and drinks... I think they call them ushers, selling tickets at the train station... i mean people in these jobs see thousands of other people each day and the thousands of other people would like to see a friendly face now and again. I mean, who wants a grumpy waitress serving you and banging down your plate of precious French cuisine? Perfect job for me :)

The progression of my bruise was as such that Sean willingly paid for my medication - which was really kind of him. He was worried people on the streets would assume that I was a victim of domestic violence. [He] bought Arnika; I'm going homeotherapeutic! Made from diluted pine etc etc. Last Saturday I fell down, by Wednesday the little scratch on my left knee had impressively grown in size and by Thursday, I had a full fledged bruise of green, yellow, purple, blue, black, red, orange... the size of my hand. Not just my palm, my hand. In fact Sarah thinks it was bigger than my hand as it passed the tips of my fingers and she reckons that in proportion to my body size, the bruise was halfway down my shin. During that time, I also managed to sleep on my finger, causing another bruise on my outer left thigh and I banged my hip apparently, although I cannot remember (am putting it down to traumatic memory loss) and now proudly sport a BLACK bruise on my left hipbone. What's it with the left part of my body? Being the hypochondriac that I am, with too many people mentioning that my bruise was the biggest they'd ever seen and asking me "Do you bruise easily?" and "Do you drink a lot of water?", I have started recollecting thoughts of back when I looked through health books which provided various symptoms for everything from diabetes to meningitis. When I was much younger I strongly believed I had diabetes but my dad said no. Now dad's in Malaysia and my thoughts are running wild again. I bruise easily, I drink like a camel and I had an ant crawling over me this morning... I could have diabetes! No joke for those who do. I'm going to see the doc after my exams to get it sorted once and for all. By the way, I have ruled out meningitis, malaria and brain tumours...

So, exams start tomorrow and I'm fine... except that I think I have diabetes and am a possible candidate for a heart attack soon.

Slightly morbid thoughts I have been having of late. I put it down to exams and me trying to find a mitigating circumstance substantial enough for me to not take my exams. It will never happen, I will go into the exam hall clutching my examination passport and praying really hard, "All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him my every need." It doesn't matter. God knows everything and even if I do fail, hey, I would have enjoyed some time back home anyway. I hope I don't, my brain hopes I don't, I think a lot of people are rooting for me that I don't. I don't believe in karma, I think it's silly. I don't believe in coincidence, I think it's a cop-out. What I do believe in is God's power. What I do believe in is His resurrection. What I do believe in, is that no scheme of man, including exams (ESPECIALLY exams), will ever pluck me from His hand :) So, now I can go and study.