Tuesday, April 26, 2005


It has been 6 days since my last post and I have bucket loads to tell you. Started intense revision (feels like the first time I've actually read anything seriously legal this last year - newspapers do not count) last week and now I'm nearing the home run, the last few furlongs, the end of the race is approaching... am I going to get through intact, a winner? Or will I turn round in glee only to discover that my jockey was left at the second jump with half a dozen broken ribs, a pulled hamstring and his feature crooked nose, already broken in four places, broken once more? I'm pulling on my bit, I want to run and go faster but I have to take things as they come, it's not time to break free yet, the eighth furlong is still ahead. I have been doing my revision, don't fret although at night I do dream horsey dreams of hay and sun and sea. I probably neigh in my sleep and two nights ago, nearly fell out of my bed.

Saturday: Spent the whole day at the boys' house revising and after a good few hours work, we went to a nearby basketball court, Joe, James, Sean and I to shoot some hoops. First game, Joe and James were on one team, leaving Sean and I on the other. I complained about the drastic height difference but the game went on regardless. They won first round. The real action only happened in the second game. James and I were up against Joe and Sean. I was tired right out; my little legs couldn't really keep up with their strides and I took my frustration out by being really aggressive and stuck to Sean, 'scaring' him, as he put it. Somewhere in the middle of the game, I was trying to block Sean again when either he tripped me up or I fell over his feet. I fell flat. Not graceful, not on my rump, not on my side. Flat. Nearly cried cos I was already so frustrated and it seemed a relief to be able to but we were all brought up with playground rules, "If a boy pushes you, don't cry. Boys don't care. Boys are mean... bla bla bla." So I didn't cry. But the skin on my knee was scrapped and my hands were blistered and sore but I continued playing anyway. Yay!!!!! I was properly furious by the time I got back into the game and hey, if I fell once, the humiliation is over and done with so I can really take it out on everyone especially Sean :) Pushed, shoved, growled, teeth bared and and eyes blazing. We won! We won! I didn't shoot any hoops but it doesn't matter. We won! WE won! In all fairness, we won one each so a tie it was. Continued studying til about 10pm. Went to bed.

Sunday: I was supposed to help look after Charlie, who can never sit still cos he's got ADD. But with my bruised knee, I just couldn't run. Luckily there were 2 other helpers that day so it was okay in the end. I was quite upset cos my knee really hurt but again, rules rule, "If you feel down, dress up. The more down you feel, the more you should dress up so that people will not notice how down you feel and everyone will treat you like a normal person and won't be over sympathetic and cooey and etc." So I put on some pink and orange, clashing, stripy knee-length socks, folded my pink trousers high and donned a red ruffled top. Clashing indeed. I received an email from my friend, Sarah, back home who said that the first thing Mac remembered about me was my stripy socks. Another friend of my dad's, upon seeing me in a short, black skirt, purple and white striped knee-high socks and a matching purple top, asked my dad if I were taking part in a concert. Do I care what people think? No! Woo hoo! Not arrogance, not disdain, not pretentious. Just me. If I have to call it anything, I call it artistic temperament.

Went out to lunch after church with a few peeps to this sausages and mash place that I told housemate Sarah I would take her to one day. The same old (musty smelling) conversations about gimps were carried out and between all that we managed to tuck into a pretty good meal. Duck and cherry, Cumberland, lamb and mint... Those were my choice of sausages. Dessert - I thought that I would give it a miss but then my saliva glands started chanting "Chocolate sauce" and I gave in. With two bites left to go, I stopped cos my stomach was full and my abdomen, swollen but Chris Dudley said I had to finish it and so began the brief but funny, 'How to make Deborah finish her chocolate pudding' session. Chris cut up my chocolate pudding and pretended to be an aeroplane to 'coax' me to eat. I initially refused but eventually trussed myself up and Anna Freeman tried to make me eat. Something along the line of, "Oh the train is coming, the train is going into the tunnel..." I laughed. I laughed so hard I was gasping for air. It was good to laugh. I never thought that Freeman and I clicked and I doubt we will ever be buddies but for that brief moment, it was good to laugh.

Monday: Studied the whole day again at the boys' house. At the end of that day, I realised that I had finish half of my Property law revision and one third of my Trusts. Good news. Had my fourth giant spring roll, which I introduced to Tara. After dinner, we had pineapple, mango, passionfruit and guava smoothies. My bruise had swelled up to the size of my fist and looked quite threatening with it's purples and greens. I think the guys were taken aback and Sean just stared at it with his mouth open (like a goldfish). Shock tactics always work.

Tuesday: Today is all about Tax, Tax, Tax. Met Tara at the library at 10am. Before 10 minutes was up, I had talked to three people I knew. The library is not the best place to study. You meet people, can't leave your things alone in case some one nicks them hence, can't go to the loo unless you bring everything with you, the windows leave you feeling trapped and so you lose concentration, the air is heavy and you can't fill your bottle up with water easily (have to go to LG to fill it up and I usually study in T4). As I drink like a camel (I finished half a 3-litre jug on Unregistered land alone), especially when I'm studying, both the toilet and a source of drinkable water are very important and the library makes it a most inconvenient place for me to study. Well, better get back to studying. Sarah has returned from Guilford, apparently Sean will be able to take his exams in august and I will be going home in less than a month.

Currently reading: Hebrews commentary (Walter Riggans)

Friday, April 22, 2005

Adrenaline rush

Have just been speaking to a guy who's from the OTC, in layman's terms, a potential, if not already, soldier person. Asked him loads of questions (and I mean loads) about overcoming fear and how parachuting was like and walking on a 50-foot high plank whilst people chuck rocks at you, and artillery and rope climbing and breaking wrists in two places and getting plastered with pins sticking out and rock face climbing and free scaling and illogical extreme sports and bungee jumping.

I am not a very brave person; I consider crossing the road when the red man is 'on,' brave. I do less than basic horse riding but always choose jumping off the horse when it goes too fast, no matter how tall or wide the horse is or how dangerous the surface, over trying to rein it in. I freaked out when I 'had to' go on the waterslides at Butlins for crying out loud! I don't dive and the only (three) time(s) I learnt how to, my friend Joe, who was teaching me, was badly kicked. I shut my eyes whilst singing 'Jesus loves me this I know' and 'God will make a way' and prepared myself for Heaven when I had to go on the only rollercoaster I've ever been on in EuroDisney (Indianna Jones something something) and was really mad at my sister for making me get on it. Freak accidents happen. Could happen to me. Going on the bumper cars is my idea of 'adrenaline rush.' I don't take kindly to ghost trains or horror movies or anything that goes faster than slow. I don't like anything that goes higher than 10 feet (ferris wheels are the exception) even if they are slow ie cable cars. The last time I went on one I refused to look out of the window or even talk, once again preparing myself for ceratin death. That said, I am a reckless driver, partially because I have yet to manipulate the controls in the car and I can't do a three-point turn without serious consequences. Go-karting is an updated version of bumper cars. When my uncle tried to drive me around on his very, very nice motorbike, which I wouldn't mind having, only I cannot reach the ground, I made him go at 20km an hour, that's less than 10 miles an hour. I gripped the bike so hard I had cramps afterwards.

So, we've established that I don't like fast things. The problem is, I do like fast things and I wish I would dare go as fast as the fast things I like. Maybe one day...


Yes, brain food has been on the rampage; King sixe Twixes, cappucino flapjacks, (so far) one chocolate rabbit, lemon chocolates, tiramisu chocolates,coffee chocolates, chicken crisps, cheese and chive and etc snack-a-jacks, beef stew, extra portion beef stew, giant-deep-fried-Chinese spring roll, blueberry muffins, bananas, lots and lots of Peppermint tea and thoughts of home cooked food seem to be the main culprits. as a rsult, I have, according to the scales at K4 gym, which I believe were wrong in the first place anyway, gained 5 pounds in the last month. Bad start for someone who wants to lose weight cos going home would mean putting on weight. Being the ever so slightly paranoid person that I am, this morning I put on my pair of magic knickers to give my body, in particular my bloated stomach, the temporary sense of 'closure' that it needed. After touch-down in Kuching International Airport and saying 'hi' to my parents, the next thing on my agenda will be to find a gym.

I have been reading seminars 13 and 14 of Tax law for the last week! Am stuck somehow, in a mental rut that I can't get out of, reminiscence of History in 5th form. In an attempt to let it 'settle' I have taken to reading Trust law the last 2 days and have gotten through reading 4 or so seminars. All I need to do now is memorise them. Bought 2 more books yesterday.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

My dad is brilliant

I called my dad yesterday in a fit of panic; exams are in a week and a half away and I still think I know noting, nada, nil, zilch, zero, otak sotong. My dad knows more than I do about Property and Tax law and I'm the one who's supposedly the 'lawyer' in the family. He's a pharmacist but he knows all about the law I'm studying plus Pharmaceutical law, which I have no idea about, plus his own 'specialist' or graduate degree subject; I don't even know what his specialist subject is... Medicine? Chemistry? Biology? Pharmacy? Perhaps a mixture of all the above. Not to mention more IT stuff than I can ever dream to know, plus bulldozing along all the additonal projects he's undertaking and helping mum at her specialist subject, economics, and serving in church as an elder. He's even written a book as thick as the height of the heels I wear, which I think he should send in as a dissertation for a D.Phil or phD or one of the other 'D's available. I can only hope that I accomplish as much or know as much as he does when I'm 50.

Had mixed emotions when I got off the phone to him. On one hand I think my dad is the most generous, most caring, patient, hardworking person I know. He taught me about chlorophyll and worms and would sit up way past midnight with my mum doing my tedious artwork for me while I slept (this was when I was much younger obviously). He also took me for my first horse ride in Buntal beach. Sunday afternoons were either filled with 'collective' gardening, house cleaning, car washing or swimming. Although I've inherited his temper, he almost never shows it. If there were any example I wanted to follow, my dad would be it and I doubt there will ever be or ever was another person in the world like him.

However, while thinking about it in front of a blank TV screen, I realised that as much as I love talking to my dad, as much as he makes me feel like I can do anything if I want to, as much as he encourages, helps and loves me, my Heavenly Father loves me more. If I enjoy talking to my earthly father, I should desire to pray to my Heavenly Father ten thousand fold, if I believe that my earth father desires the best for me, I should be convicted that my Heavenly Father will pour out everything for my best and indeed He has. God poured out himself into the body Jesus bore and died for me that I may be brought in glory, in Christ, to Him. To be united with Him forever. As I sat there, I remembered snatches of verses from the Bible; which father, if asked for a piece of bread, will give his son a snake? How much more will your Heavenly Father give you if you ask Him? I cannot wait to go home to see my family. In the same way, as a Christian, I should exhibit the same zeal and excitement that I am going home to my Heavenly Father soon. As I am sure my dad will ao anything to the best of his ability to see me succeed in life, I should be even more sure that God, with His legion of angels and omni-everything power, will see His sovereign will and plans, be it mission work, a career in law or talking to a random guy at a bus stop, fulfilled in my life for the glory of His name.

I was also thinking about money matters. The whole 'If I become a missionary, I will not be able to support my family' debate has been going on in my head since I thought I wanted to have a career in missions. But yesterday after hearing all my dad's plans for the future, I thought to myself that maybe the money issue wasn't that big an issue after all. In fact, I think my dad will actually do well enough to support me in mission work. Only a thought. Obviously I will not make him spend his money on me but it seems logical. God has always provided for me and He has always seen me through even though the situations sometimes seem impossible.

Quite a few thoughts are jumbled together at the moment including my exams and the all important question; What is more important?

Friday, April 15, 2005

Silly quizes

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

You Are a German Shepherd Puppy

Intelligent, quick witted, and a bit aggressive.
You've got the jaw power to take a bite out of anyone you choose.

You Are 80% Extrovert, 20% Introvert

You are as outgoing as they come

The life of the party, you're friends with everyone

You're a people person, and you are quite the entertainer

You love being around a crowd and acting spontaneously

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability.
You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea.
Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion.
You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone.
If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

You know exams are near when...

1) You start eating food you don't like for 'health' reasons: salmon quiche.
2) You start discussing 'brain food' with your customers.
3) You ring your RML (Bible study) leader to ask if it is wise to miss RML during this time of intense revision only to be persuaded that it is even more important to continue going to RML during exams to keep focus.
4) You start dreaming that characters from Friends are taking the same exams you are.
5) You plan your airline ticket home in such a way that you will not lose too much money on the return flight to retake exams.
6) You try to relax by browsing in a bookshop only to read books on the Tudors, the process from Domesday to Magna Carta and Bleak House (all books that revolve around Property law).
7) You actually use your files.
8) Casual chat with fellow lawyers include reciting names of judges like Wilberforce and Nourse (like horse but with an 'N' and a 'U') and actually remembering that Wilberforce is featured in both Tax and Property law.
9) Your health regime includes studying (because it burns calories).
10) You have a law dictionary.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Something serious

Is there a definite definition between the frivolous and the serious? Do I care that the words on my blog can define me as a person in the eyes of others? If that is the case, I can play pretend and double bluff all day and no one would really know me. A glint in the eye as I speak of the future, a twinge on my face as I share of my brother, an abdominal spasm as I try to relate stories of what happened the night before. When this world is all about our senses, can we possibly relate with the absence of one or more of our senses? Are the blogs hitting you the same way they hit me or are they affecting me the way they might affect others? Is there an emotional block between reader and writer? Do I read into the lines in a way I cannot explain or describe. Are you reading into lines that are not even there? If so, then maybe what I'm trying to say is not really getting through; I am saying one thing and meaning it whilst you are receiving something else and responding to that. Is this world really 3D? Or is it more than that? Or is it a 3D x 3D world?

Do we want to try mix up signals? Maybe it's all a game to be won; trying to confuse others with lies and double bluffs, saying what people expect us to say, toeing the line, falling into place, whilst all the time expanding and developing a totally different character within. Are there two people within each person? There are always two or more roads and multiple choice questions wherever we go but do we choose the roads we choose and express ourselves the way we do because people expect us to or because we innately desire to do so. Perhaps it's a question of nature versus nurture (I am not approving of nor supporting the argument that gender can be decided according to how the child is brought up; you cannot change genetics - doh).

When we were kids, grown ups were always telling us to 'be on our best behaviour.' Whether it was at a dinner function, friends' birthday parties, school, when relatives came round or in church. What exactly did best behaviour mean? No whinging, no whining, no spitting, no petty brawls with siblings, no fighting, be polite, no fidgiting, be sociable, no shouting, don't pull one another's hair, be nice to other children, the list went on and on and on. I think parents all hoped and hope, one way or another for perfect children; the girls that every mother wants to have round for tea parties cos they behave so well and look like girls (and not mud smeared tom-boys) playing with their Barbie dolls in the corner and the boys every father wants to go to games to and hope to one day play rugby and discuss scores with. Or maybe I'm absolutely wrong. Anyway, as we grow up, are we still on our best behaviour? Do grown ups still have to be on their best behaviour? Why is it that the old rules from kid hood no longer apply to grown ups? It's perfectly 'fine' and 'normal' to have catfights and to bitch about one another, it's macho to not hang around with 'losers' and to get as many girls as physically possible, it's acceptable to stand up for your rights, even if it means bringing your parents to court. Are we on our best behaviour or have we gained a right not to be on our best behaviour?

Growing up in a Christian family and becoming myself, a Christian early on, it was natural to read the Bible, natural to pray, natural to go to church and later youth groups and Bible studies. Saturdays were reserved for youth meetings and even family lunches were postponed for Bible study after church. Putting on my best behaviour for God because He was watching, even though it seemed to contrast with back-biting, sibling rivalry and anger. How have things changed? I claim to know more than I ever have about the Bible but Bible reading is a struggle. I've read piles of books about having a relationship with God but praying is done out of guilt and is more aften thinking out loud rather than talking to God, church is so far away and RML is often compromised. The two-pound return journey to church is too expensive but a 30-quid stuffed dog is a comfort. The time spent at RML is too costly because I need to study for my exams but the 12 hours a week spent working at the Union is worth it because it brings in a cash flow. I feel I am growing but my life has so little to show for it and if anything I seem to be detracting into myself. I feel I am more mature but less grown up. More knowledge but less wisdom. God is still watching.


That (above) is meant to be a caterpillar with a big bum. 21 + 2 days old and I still dribble blue, toothpaste froth down my top when I brush my teeth. Capital Gains Tax revision is going slowly but at least I know more today than this whole year. Gave a movie at TCL tonight a pass because I really need to stick my butt to the chair and study. Emailed dad and he suggested that since it was cheaper to buy a three month flight ticket, I should buy it. That would mean returning to London (if I don't fail) at the end of August instead of mid September. I'm not sure... should I spend that extra 100 odd pounds to stay an extra three weeks? But I have not seen my family in two years and I want to spend as much time home as possible. Hmmm... will have to give Roberta a call and see if I can weasel my way into free flights, extra mileage and upgraded seats. I have to work in half an hour (am still maintaining work and study but will stop working a week before exams start) and am already thinking that I want a hot chocolate for lunch. These keys on the keyboard are a bit sticky - don't like that at all.

Last night, Elena took me to see the Lion King. My second time, her first. We sat in the Royal Circle under the stalls on the left (if you can place us) and as we were closer to the stage than where I sat the last time, I noticed things I never did before. For example, there're gaps in Pumbaa's flank, Banzai has a permanent wink and I could see skin colour and muscle definition more clearly. Simba was the same dude who played Simba the last time I was there and I have half a mind to find out his email add/ contact details etc just to get in touch with him. I guess that's good news for the production and for Simba's 'aim' as a performer - he has successfully 'pulled' another light headed female into the realms of stage world. He did have very nice skin although generous slabs of L'Oreal could be the culprit. I clapped and screamed til my palms were swollen and my throat was hoarse and after a year and a half, I still like Scar and the hyenas the most and Ed definitely reminded me of myself a year ago.

Seneka sent me a very nice Hallmark card and I thought he should get a mention.

I have put on 4 pounds in the last month! Let's all hope it's muscle and not fat.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

A little bit of grey... not so bad

I'm officially 21 although when I was unofficially 21, I do not know. Hmmm... do I feel any different? After last night's lunch, dinner and snacks in between, I guess you could say I do. Strangely, I feel I have a 'right' to do certain things now and a 'right' to expect certain things from other people. For one, you taller people can stop the patting on the head now... my hair will be inclined to fall out now that I'm 21.

I was talking to Jo the other day - I'm now halfway through to having a midlife crisis and a quarter way through before I die, assuming I die aged 84. Awesome, I can live on the edge now :) and become a real terror since I have nothing to lose although I should always be living on the edge for Christ cos everything in this life is rubbish anyway. We were talking about living the last 5 minutes. What would we do? Stop talking to one another and scurry after a Bible to piously pray our way into Heaven? I don't think so. I think, if Jesus had come back within 5 minutes of us starting to have our 'last 5 minutes' conversation, we would have been caught up in the rapture, as I think it is known, and continue our conversation somehow, one day, when we meet one another - cos she was in Rainham and I was in Oval so we would have to find one another geographically - in the new creation.

What else did I do on my birthday? Woke up at 9.30am, cleaned the dishes, watched the dvd Priss gave me - the best BBC wildlife moments, Elena cooked me lunch, Tara cooked me dinner, Carly gave me more presents, I received more cards and other presents from Tom and Sean, and Ozzy hit my head 21 times with a balloon and then tried to make static in my hair (Sean said I looked so funny cos I wore an "I'm not impressed" look on my face). I was believably tired at the end of the day.

Tonight I am going to watch the Lion King at the West End for the second time (birthday present from Elena).

Currently reading: Passion and Purity (Elisabeth Elliot) and Capital Gains Tax (seminar 13 + 14)

Monday, April 11, 2005

Holy Alphabet

Sarah forwarded this to me and I just want to share it to encourage us as Christians to hold on and look forward to glorious days; we're heavenbound!

Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in thanksgiving
Do not begin to blame
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know
Imagine life without His love
Joy would cease to be
Keep thanking Him for all the things
Love imparts to thee
Move out of "Camp Complaining"
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Praise can do alone
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To "thank" is a command
Until we see Him coming
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
Xalting God most high
Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

A blog gone

On the 8th, random thoughts aflowing, I was prepared to post a 1000 word++ blog when the comp crashed on me. I'm going to take that as a sign that what I said before should not be made known(yet). My birthday is tomorrow but 'celebrations' have been going on since Saturday and will probably 'continue' somewhat until April 18th. However, I will study in the meantime, like now, because I have 3 weeks to my exams!!! So, my birthday itinerary:

Saturday - I woke up at 7.30am and saw the sun shining. I wasn't sure whether to be happy or anxious as if it had been raining, the 'picnic' I had arranged would immediately be held at my place but if it wasn't, that it would be held in Hyde Park. The sun held up and we all went to Hyde Park. Although it wasn't raining, it was freezing! The cold north wind just blew and blew and blew but we stuck it out like the troopers that we were and forced ourselves to sit in the park for a whole hour before packing it in and retreating to my place. As Lauren put it, "If it weren't for Debbie, we wouldn't be sitting out here." Aaah, it's nice to be loved :)

We continued the picnic at my house for the next 3 hours or so before dispersing. My birthday cake this year (which I have already had a slice of) is a Dougal victoria sponge cake. For my homies, if the movie hasn't arrived yet, Dougal is the long haired dog in Dougal and the Magic Roundabout. It is always very embarrassing when people start singing 'Happy Birthday.' The glow of the candles + my furious blushing + the orange decor of the house made me look almost purple I believe so I hid under Elena's jumper. 21 yeah right. All in all, it was a very enjoyable, laid back time but the party had not ended for me yet.I then went to Schmoward's house where he cooked a little group of us a nice and steamy, Lancashire hot pot. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Went home about 9.30pm because it takes about an hour to get home from his place and I had to get up for Sunday school the next morning.

Sunday - Sunday school came and went and after that Carly and Daniel took me out to lunch with a few other people. We walked to Ask and stuffed ourselves full with pizza and pasta. I discovered that Ozzy's real name is Richard William Kenneth Osbourne. Wow. He sounds like some sort of explorer now. Will I ever look at him the same way again? Is it all in the name? I started laughing... We wanted to do something random after our meal so we went to Harold Wood where Ozzy's friend lives (and Pete Myers goes to church to). A 20 minute journey later, which included me running to catch a train in my heels (a very painful experience, need it be known) and we were out of busy London. The houses were so nice; big, grassy gardens (we could see kids jumping on a trampoline behind one of the houses), non-homogeneous houses, quiet streets and a huge park round the corner. We chilled and chatted whilst I pulled at the grass, pretending to be a rabbit eating it. What did we do that afternoon? Tree climbing, although sadly I had to let it pass with my heels and all, admiring the vicar's (Ozzy's friend is a vicar's daughter) library cum study - I want a library like that! - and a piggy back ride for me by Ozzy back to the station.

Sunday evening service and I was so tired but Daniel was quite relaxed. Decided to sit right at the back and be 'anti-social' because I just wanted to sleep. Schmoward said the prayers last night and I was so proud of him *beaming* and told him so. I spent 30 quid on a few books for my dad and myself from Phil last night as well. I have to stop spending so much cos it's slowly tunneling holes through my pockets.

Today not much is going on besides studying, working and getting my head together again.

Tomorrow, my actual birthday, Victoria is taking me out for one part of the day and Carly is taking me out on the other. I still do not know where to.

Wednesday, Elena is taking me out at night but again, I do not know where to.

I have opened all the presents that have been given me - I'm not one to wait - and have received, among other things, a dvd on wildlife, a saxophone book, sweets, lots and LOTS of chocolate, a steamer, lots and lots of mmmmm-smelling bath stuff and candles, not forgetting all the meals and time spent and good laughs and fellowship. I am enjoying all this and my birthday isn't even here yet! Thank you so much to everyone who has made the last few days amazing; I'm still trying to take it all in!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

One more thing...

Apparently, a healthy person needs to break wind/ gas/ fart... at least 17 times a day to keep from exploding. So next time when some tangy odour comes your way and you feel like gagging, as you die from lack of oxygen and your brain goes to sleep, remember that it was a necessary evil so that the culprit will not explode. for instance, ages ago, it was thought that when a person sneezed, their soul might fly away with the polite Atish-choo or the hearty AAAAHHHH-CHHOOOO... hence, the phrase 'Bless you.'

Into the land of the strange

On my walk into college, I found 3 curious shops; one was a vintage circa 50s, possibly 40s (they all merge in my head prior 1984) shop, the other a weird incense smelling shop and the third, a jewellery shop, which at first sight looked like a tattoo parlour. I went into all three.

Vintage shop: It had the strangest things in it, which were all really nice. Trinket boxes covered in sea shells, Indian style turbans, white golves that reminded me of Audrey Hepburn and at the back, row upon row of vintage dresses. They all needed a bit of stitching (I guess that's why they call them vintage) but they were so pretty. Not very practical, but pretty. It looked like the backstage for TV adverts or magazine clippings titled Good Housekeeping or How to be a Good Wife(this will really make you laugh, it's so silly) around the 50s probably; the era of some time ago when the norm for women was "[Your husband's] day is more important than yours, don't question him when he comes home late at night and dab a bit of perfume on your neck and put a bow in your hair to welcome him home." Polka dots, tulip/ buttercup/ any other flower skirts lots of lace.

Smelly shop: The first thing that I disliked about it but had attracted me to go into it in the first place, was the smell. Weird. The best movie to describe the smell would be The Wicker Man, if you have seen it. It did have some nice statuettes of dancing ladies in it though...

Potential tattoo shop: I went in thinking that I could buy my sister some jewellery, seeing as she wanted more 'eccentric' stuff. The first thing(s) I saw when I walked in were several jewelled frogs. I only like frogs when they are cut up, unrecognisable and in soup. Okay, fine, eccentricity is 'like that.' The second thing I saw was a curled up, jewelled snake at which point I glanced nervously around the shop wondering if the owner kept a horde of icky reptilians at the back, the only thing separating me from them - a bead curtain of the Mona Lisa. I escaped the horror as fast as my legs could carry me without losing my cool.

Saw a fourth shop, which I shall return to after this because it had a very nice ornament of Anubis, which I have wanted for a very long time. It was slashed to less than half price so a definite bargain. Anubis was considered to be the Egyptian god of death and had a head like a jackal. More about it here. Will also buy Gray's Human Anatomy and several classics.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Deluded law sudent

Pretending to be hard at work in the library while sitting next to an obviously keen Welsh Rugby supporter who is typing up notes/ essay on War and Peace is no easy task. Sure, my book is thicker than his and I can probably type faster with my two fingers than his 8 (and two thumbs) but at the end of the day, who is getting their work done? Surely, surely, not everyone is pretending to be hard at work too? But if we let our stony-faced mien fade, the game would be up. The game, the game, we must not stop, not stop. Am listening to Usher's 'Caught Up' again - brilliant song - will put a link to its lyrics under Hakuna Matata. Am I the only one paranoid that I am doing no work? Why would anyone else visit this place called the library? The only reason I venture into this gated area is the thrill of going up to the tower (yes, we do have a tower) to sit and rock in a chair in a teeny cubicle, pretending I'm going to be executed (and in a way I would be if I don't study while sitting there) and in the meantime, nibble on a little something as though it were my last meal. Or admiring the architechture (is anyone else that sad?). Every moment is an adventure and I like to live it that way (or maybe I just think I do because I've had almost only chocolate in the last 48 hours); psyching myself out with pretend schizophrenia with supposedly shifty-looking people who are out to get me. So the rugby fan is not just some clean cut, sporting personality with a graze above his right eyebrow and the girl who is sitting diagonally opposite me to the left is not just some very pretty brunette who happened to glance my way when I looked up, causing me to notice her very striking brown eyes and the Asian dude who just chewed on his lower lip... that meant something, right? Oh, he's chewing his little finger now. Ooooh.... wouldn't you like to sit next to me? They're after me I'm sure or am I after them? After me, after me, moi, moi, me, I, myself, I, I, I... why? Maybe Leslie Turano my Trusts and Property tutor sent them. Hee hee hee...they don't know I'm talking about them. Read something interesting on serial killers yesterday but because it came from one of my tabloid magazines, I don't think I should internalise the information that soon. Must get back to my law, law, law student? #Sing-song, hum-hum, oooo, wooooo-ooooo# Stuttering is apparently a sign of g-g-g-genius :)

More than chocolate, more than conquerors

Zaid said that even the sound of my chocolate 'addiction' makes him ill. We both love dark chocolate but he thinks Cadbury is not real chocolate. Had Cadbury bar for breakfast, two more Cadburys at break, half a Divine chocolate at lunch, a few Cadbury Heroes when I went home, another Cadbury bar for dinner and a plate of celery, beef and rice for supper at 11.30pm. Also made myself some 'dosa' that is, Indian pancakes; in Malay, dosa means sin. Oh dear.

Blustery day. I don't mind the rain, I don't mind the wind but when rain and wind come together, it's hard to walk in with an umbrella. Wondered what it would feel like if I had flown away in the breeze. No more picnic. Lauren came into the Union for a while and I will be going to the library later to study Trusts.

Crackpot, black pot, jack-in-the-box.
Tingle, mingle, Mr. Pringle.
Racer, tester, Dr. Foster.
Goo-goo, ga-ga, my Chewbacca.

Am smittened by my dog. See my dog, smell my dog, hold my dog, hug my dog.

Did I tell you that a guy with one eye (he got shot through the head) came into the union yesterday and tried to persuade me that Christianity and religion wasn't real and that it was all man made and that God was not at all what we made him out to be? For example, he kept on insisting that God didn't have a gender: "Why do you call him a 'he' and not a 'she'?" was one of the questions he asked that I couldn't really answer because God's 'gender' never struck me as life-changing. He also thought I was a half-blood Japenese and tried to tell me about the law and how it affected him... When I told him I was a Christian, 'pure' Chinese (I put it in inverted commas because like pure bred animals ie dogs, our genes are a mixture of our predeccesors' genes. This is not to say that we evolved from dogs.) and studied Law, he sort of back-tracked his arguments and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise to give him my opinion. We also briefly discussed the crusades (thank goodness I watched Channel 4 the other night) and he kept on talking about how black people were 'put in a box' like crabs in a barrell.

Zaid said he visited him this morning as well and during our conversation, I found out that Zaid's parents go to an Assyrian church! That's sooo cool. Assyria was a powerful kingdom and one of the armies that attacked the Israelites (God's people in the Old Testament), which I thought existed then but no longer roamed the earth. I was so wrong and I'm so glad that I was! To know that Assyrians worship God is really exciting and echoes Jesus' words when he said that his true followers would worship him in Spirit and in truth.

The weather forecast predicts cold weather this Saturday so my birthday picnic may be held at my place instead.

Have to stop using the adjective 'bloody' to go with everything.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Customer service

It pays to be nice to customers; one of my 'regulars' who comes for a large latte followed by a large cappucino and The Independent just split half a Divine white chocolate bar with me (my lunch). I always remind him to get his voucher stamped so that he can ask for free coffee in the future. Besides lots and lots of water (I drink like a camel) I've only had chocolate today, which is not healthy. I will be off my shift in 2 and a half hours time. I wonder if Elena has woken up yet.


One of my favourite books of all time: Elvenblood; all about magic and wizards and people changing into animals and dragon fights; it has some of the best description of dragons ever. (I still remember one of the dragons had blue scales with gold dusted over it.) I set it ablaze with kerosine in the back garden along with 7 of my other favourite books when I was 14 because I was going through a phase (for about 2 years) where I considered all dragons and imagery of dragons and magic,sorcery, horoscopes, astrology, vampires and werewolves, other mythological creatures, references to the devil etc as evil, and that my deep fascination for them was temptation and that I had to flee physically from it :) Pretty radical I was... those were the days of teenage-hood when my hair was short and brooding was long. Was quite worried that my mum would find out that I was playing with a relatively dangerous substance (and burning books - something I was convinced witches or 'evil' people did - and I didn't want her to think I was involved in an occult or anything like that) as the charred pages of the book were fizzing out in the wind. It was then that I realised that the neighbours had just done their laundry and their white bedsheets, flapping furiously in the wind would no doubt get blackened with soot so in desperation to hide the evidence, I threw the (empty) dog's bowl over the very sad-looking book to hide the flames.

It might have seemed crazy to burn the book. Why not give it away? It was great story telling at the end of the day. Because I was determine to exterminate every bit of tangible 'sin' I could. Giving it away was worse; like giving someone else over to sin. Even with hind sight, I'm glad I did what I did because it helped me to grow (in whatever weird way that might have been) and I gave up something I adored cos I was so sure that it was wrong even though I wanted it not to be so much although looking back, if the 'I' now knew the 'I' then, I would have said something like, "Oh ye of little faith..." It might not have been perfectly reasonable or necessary but at that point in my life it was better to do away with whatever was causing me to stumble than to look for reasons to justify keeping it.

Call me a prude, I sometimes like it. I wear it as a badge of pride, which might sometimes appear foolish. I have learned (and am still learning) to accomodate others and not turn over-legalistic (even though I am a lawyer, hence the closest thing to a pharisee without the knowledge). However, when it comes down to the bottom line, as I'm sure it will one day, I hope I will be able to say that no amount of pushing or shoving or ridiculing will ever make me cross the line or compromise who I believe in.

"As for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."


If I had access to a way of putting photos on my blog, this would be a 3-year old's picture book.

I have been trying to put a 'comment box' up for ages and ages and only yesterday did I note that there is a 'do you want a comment box?' featured in blogollum's settings. Clueless. If no 'comments box' appears after this, I did try. Am currently in the middle of my almost dead 6.45am shift. Can you believe that people actually come to use the gym at 7am??!!?? Alas, I left my breakfast, one fair-trade banana (picture) at home so I had to eat my lunch in its place, one small bar of Cadbury crispies, 250kcal. Listened to Usher's 'Caught Up' on the bus on the way in whilst reading Dracula. Again, it remains unbelievable that I have never read the book before. Jonathan Harker is a genius. Will continue reading it today like a love-struck psycho (Dracula is described as fatally desirable anyway) even though have 3 seminars to prepare for as went shopping yesterday (for brother and sister; hiked up and down the High Street for clothes, jewellery and The Incredibles merchandise) and only studied 5 pages of certainty of intentions Trust law. Will not go shopping today. Will not go shopping today. Will NOT go shopping today.

Bus saver tickets have gone up by a stupid amount. Last year it cost 70p and the year before that 60p. So one would naturally assume that this year, savers would cost maximum 80p. Strictly speaking, they're meant to cost 72p as a normal single ticket costs 1.20 (costs, but is not worth) but why add 2p when one can add stupid numbers on top of it? Savers are meant to cost 40% less than a normal ticket or 60% of the value of a normal ticket, whichever suits your fancy and get this, they only sell them in books of 6. I had to buy saver tickets yesterday and I thought to myself, "Oh well, 4.80 is not that bad (assuming as I previously pointed out that each ticket would cost 80p)." Imagine my shock when the till dished out a bill of 6 pounds! A pound per ticket. That's pure daylight robbery on savers if ever I saw one. A one week bus pass costs 7.70 and that's one week UNLIMITED journeys. 6 savers = 6 journeys. I wonder of Ken is a Labour rep... am feeling a bit sore with the Labour party at the moment. Fox-hunting, abortion, and now this; from the pretty to the petty... sigh... can they get it right? Can any government get it right?

But even now I think to myself, as Christians we're not just meant to respect authority and the government, we're meant to support them and be 'good citizens,' not stirring up trouble or resentment for God put them there for a reason and who are we to say to God that He was wrong in deciding that so-and-so would be Prime Minister or mayor or in the Cabinet? I guess while it lasts, democracy - power to the people; although voting stats are laughably low - should be taken advantage of, seeing as the only reason we have people to point the finger at is because we put them there in the first place. So go vote in the next elections and make your vote count. Man, when did I start getting so political?

Monday, April 04, 2005


Something I was thinking about whilst chuffing to Chewbacca; I talk to stuffed dogs, I am in so much trouble.

A mixed up world of techonology,
A tangle of questions,
And unlike reflexology,
Meaning lost in communication.

Meaningless messages,
Flying through the ions,
Meaningless because
It's all lost in the fonts.

Even without gadgets fine,
Smokey signals misalign,
And a call to be a friend,
Can sometimes be misdefined.

Communing with others,
Has to be with words,
Is that what we have been told?
Is that what we heard?

Mixed up signals,
Over-analysed words,
Can make more complicated
what the heart yearns.

Expectations unfulfilled,
Expectations misheard,
Too many expectations,
Expectation rules all blurred.

The sun in all its glory,
never gave a whine,
Yet tells us of God's story,
As stars do when they shine.

Do we think we're clever?
Do we think we're smart?
When messages are trebled
but words don't mean squat.

Where yes is maybe
and no is maybe,
and yes is but, but
but is no?
and so, yes is no,
and no is yes;
have words become

To lay in sun and shine and sea,
Not say a word but sleep peacefully,
In our hearts know eternity,
The point of communication in every soul.

Wisdom is found, not through studying nor by experience alone, but by communing with God, the source of all wisdom.

P/s; Doesn't make much sense but hopefully with all the irregular thoughts out of the way, I can become more focussed on exams. By the way, there are two ways of spelling 'focused' and I have just used them both.


Crumbling blocks of naughts and crosses frisking in the sunshine, spreading disease and iniquity of every kind and every stage and every form, maligning the sky and stiffling the air. Dead birds strangle themselves as they fly and fall downwards, their charred bodies to be picked up by yellow-tailed hounds of skin and bone, of parched lips and smokey breath, too weak too chew, too frail to swallow, too dead to care. And man in his skins and furs and cloaks drives his heavy hand on the beasts of burden once again and strikes and strikes again and thrice and once more and then no more. Every gasp is snatched away, every spirit broken, every eye dulled, every hope destroyed. And man and animal are in constant battle with one another; beast and beastial, hunter and hunted, pride and prey, but which is which? Unequally yoked, resentfully joined, relentlessly trying to undermine. The deep, foggy air stays the same and within a deep restlessness uncurls itself that no one will mention but everyone knows; mokita. Too much TV will drive one insane, too much poetry makes insanity a common disposition, too much of everything will kill, slowly, surely, suffocating in the same routine, the same rountine, the same routine....

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Brains falling out

Blasted sunflowers, but why should I curse 'em critters? But they are not critters ay 'ear you say, eh matey? Whose matey are you, you no good jostling piggodoo. So now we get all technical, no? Eargh, you snuffling, snivelling, whinging pont-tech-ki-po-doo, you doo dah doo dee, do hee hee hee. When I was a lad, yikes, sharmy, sharmy on me yoy, yoy, ay... I say cos I was never a lad, you know boy, never a lad. Argh, the folks trussed me up all fancy but knocked my sea going legs and left me a cripple before I even learned to walk. A gimp you might say, a sniverin' gimp, and that ggg-imp NOT jee-imp. Eeeargh. Frustrated kickaboo all around, a very mad sailor no? Let's swerve me to the squall matey, let's meet her head on and give her no leeway and let's die like slaves to the winds and the crashing waves for tonight we feast as kings or as heroes we die and as fools we groan forever, arghh... the pain of age and the torment of knowledge and knowing that age is torment. Yes, boy, look into mine eys and tell me, do you not see the madness? Do you not see the frickin' charm slittherin' in my old bones, boy? Yes, tell me true, I tell you. My blood shot eyes are as good as gone and my bones are the sands the sea and the dirt trampled by cattle (God help me if I get that far) but for now boy, I live and as I live, a man before you, bless my frickin' soul, I shall not rest until this madness is fulfilled and I go down with my ship, burning at her hull, standing firm until the waters break over and then my soul shall be free.


Oh my Star Wars love, tis not Luke nor Hans nor even Darth Vader but my brave, unconventional knight in not silver armour but long, silky fur. Bought a Border Collie from Woolworths, about 4 inches short of my stature and pleasantly chunky in the right places and named him after my star wars dream hero. Forget Hans Solo even though I was tempted by the likes of Harrison Ford and forget Darth Vader, frustratingly mysterious and equally exciting as he was. I had to make a choice and I did and I chose and I did choose rightly and now I must live with my decision and even as I wander along the road 'less travelled by,' never looking back to the crossroads I left behind, I know that my decision will change perspectives I have in the future, that I shall look at things in a different light, that my mind may alter to extreme variations of a kind, all because I chose and chose that I did.

Gwilym's birthday yesterday. Was reminded by Iain why I don't eat two curries a day, washed down by a pint and a quater of Cobra beer.

Random conversations surrounding a Men's Health magazine (4 for a pound), 'weirdo' music from Iain's I-pod, calculating the time it takes to count to a million verbally (3 years, including 5 weeks holiday and allocated sleep, consumption and bathing time and a LOT more if it were to be written down) and the appropriate height for the proper function of urinals plus men's toilet etiquette, among other things, took up the time between coffee and going home and Schmoward taught me a bit more about protons, quarks and prisms. Also learnt that tinitus is a weird buzzing sound Iain gets in his ears and he is trying to compose masterpieces around his tinituses. While waiting at Zeera's, flipped through a GQ magazine and discovered that I like the smell of Calvin Klein Eternity for men.

A phrase I remembered from somewhere... "The best things in life are free but sooner or later, the government will find a way to tax them."

Friday, April 01, 2005

The legend of Lady Godiva

"When Lady Godiva, wife of Lord Leofric, protested against the taxation of his subjects, a deal was struck: Lady Godiva would ride through the streets of Coventry, "Clad in naught but my long tresses." And if the population remained in shuttered buildings, their tax burden would be lifted. The following morning she made her famous ride. The citizens graciously stayed inside and Leofric kept his word and reduced the taxes."

Trust chocolate to make Tax fun.

"Smiley face"

I walked in again today. After the hols, I'm going to be soooo fit. Hahahahahahaha. Although... I have about 2.5kg of chocolate in my cupboard.

My goal is to study at least 2 seminars of Property today. After which, I shall feel less guilty about going out to buy presents for family, friends and myself :)

P/s: As confirmed in the tag box, my sis does not have a boyfriend (yet).