Saturday, December 31, 2005
New Year's Eve is tomorrow, which is aways a good chance to think of things I would like to accomplish and give thanks for things I have been given. I still haven't ridden a camel but I had an ostrich burger!
Friday, December 30, 2005
I really want to watch '10 Things I Hate About You' right now. Am currently watching 'Save the Last Dance'... maybe it's a Julia Stiles phase. Maybe it's the great compilation of songs... or maybe it's because someone told me I was like Heath Ledger in '10 Things I Hate About You.' I honestly don't think I am. I've only stayed in Australia for 3 weeks, only had a whiff of the Australian outback for an hour in the zoo, don't think I've got a 'bad girl' attitude, don't think I put on a tough exterior and certainly don't do carpentry. Carpentry was always fun though, because my dad and I worked on it together - we made a wooden radio, bench, bookshelf, treehouse, doghouse and even a wheelbarrow using the wheels of my baby walker. Art and Living Skills class (Kemahiran Hidup to you homies) also required the occasional sculpture out of plasticine or clay. I had my own little row of horses, bears, dolphins, dogs and panthers on my wardrobe, which ended up a lump of cracked dough several years later when the plasticine dried out. My 'official' pride and joy (ie the one that I handed in to class) was a ould of the Titanic made out of clay. I used 4 kilos of that stuff and my dad had to help me carry it. the things with sculptures is that you never need to lift it until you need to lift it and then you realize that you can't... or at least, that was my experience. I even made tiny figurines representing Leonardo de Caprio and Kate Winslet in the memorable "I am flying" scene. And then I made them jump... hehehehehehehe.
Anyway, have no set plans at the moment for New Year's Eve or Day. Tom will be in London on the 1st so that should be fun and I really want to go to see the fireworks at the Big Wheel but it'll be F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G!!!!!!! I was thinking of maybe making use of the free transport to randomly travel to different stations in London, preferably stations and places I have never been to before and take pictures but I'll need people to go with me to make it really fun (and more safe as I am prone to giving strangers my number).
I haven't heard any more news from my parents yet about their final decision for next year so I've maintained the "I'm going home mentality" to refrain from excess brain hassle. I need to get a prayer life. Yeah, it's not I need to pray more... I need to start praying. God has worked in my life and made it better and richer in so many ways without any input on my part and any measley input I do contribute is only a tiny proportion to the huge plan He has already set out for me.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Phoned parents this morning because was worried as they didn't call yesterday and they always call on Christmas Day. Everyone's okay and are in okay health... no actually, my dad has a sore throat and couldn't even speak to me on the phone, my sister caught the flu, my granny's really fragile at mo and I've got a bloomin' headache (towards the back of my head and halfway down my neck) to deal with. I was greeted with great news from my mum (No, she's not pregnant with my third sibling - I wouldn't be sane enough to type if she were - although Sarah and Abram had a kid in their nineties...). My folks are thinking of leaving me in London for a while longer. I hope you do realise that when I say great, my ardent desire is nothing short of pounding into a donkey's brain, my intentions for the word to drip with every ounce of sarcasm I can muster. God's being funny again. Everytime I find peace over a matter that's been bugging me, He swings open another door, which confuses me even more. I am (more than) a collection of molecules with animals on the brain and perhaps the sheep in me is slightly overwhelmed. Baaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! This is how God usually works in my life;
I get worried
I get stressed
I get mad
I get emotional and sad
I don't pray
I distance myself from people to help focus my mind
I force myself to mix with other Christians and receive very good advice in the process
I become happy
I am at peace and looking forward to experiencing new life that I didn't want to experience before
I plan around this new found peace
God opens another door
I become confused
Which way to look?
I think they want me to do the BVC and get called to the bar and then they hinted working in London and gave examples of people back home who were in full-time minstry and full-time secular work. Maths is not my strongest subject but surely you can't be full time in both. I don't count weekdays in a day job and weekends and nights in church ministry 'full-time.' Argh. Maybe I should just be a farmer in the Orkneys... raise a few sheep, knit a few scarves, grow a few potatoes...
God my only,
God my King.
When least expected.
Hope always present,
Not from my own,
But the giver of Salvation.
the heart and mind.
And then I realise
Was no problem at all.
A heart of hope,
A spirit of love,
A mind of steadfastness,
My will as that above.
A dog to cuddle,
May be just the thing,
A passion for life,
But must not lose sight,
Of the greater call,
Must not leave the fight.
For all my holding ons,
For all my defences,
They count for nought,
Only God has the answer.
Only God is my fortress,
Only God is my might,
Only God will ever know me,
To be one with my God;
I fail Him,
I hurt Him,
I stand by
as people mock Him,
His promises are true,
His wisdom is sure,
His hand goes
beyond the grave,
For one purpose; to save.
And there He claimed me,
And there He proclaimed,
And with a shout He rose and,
Gone is the curse,
For all who believe,
That our salvation started on a body lifeless,
And in Bethlehem we were given
the gift of Christmas.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
"Oh where oh where can my baby be? The Lord took her away from me...." No, wrong song...
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.. I once was lost, but now am found.. Was blind but now I see.... :)"
Debs: From Pearl Jam's 'Last Kiss' to a traitor's kiss... very profound...
Am listening to Beauty and the Beast - the musical - again!!! Will update in the morning.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
I just don't love you no more (I'm sorry)
For all the years I've known you baby,
(didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
So why're you giving me the cold shoulder now
Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl
Oh I know I was late again
I made you mad and then it's throwing the pan
But why are you making this thing drag on so long
(I wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of these silly games
Don't think that I'm the only one here to blame
It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, you're gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more
I know that I made a few mistakes
But never thought that things would turn out this way
Cause I'm missing something now that you're gone
(I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you in a state
(in a state)
Giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
i just don't love you no more
Don't say those words it's so hard
They turn my whole world upside down
Girl you caught me completely off guard
On the night you said to me
I just don't love you no more
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
| You scored as Goofy. Your alter ego is Goofy! You are fun and great to be around, and you are always willing to help others. You arn't worried about embarrassing yourself, so you are one who is more willing to try new things.|
Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
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| You scored as Evil Muffin. You are an evil muffin. You evil muffin you.|
What kind of muffin are you? (the better quiz)
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| You scored as You Are Deb. You are Deb. You are laid back, and don't care what people think. Good for you. You like to do awkward crafts, but thats ok Rate my quiz a 5, and there will be a link to click on to see my picture!!!|
What person from Napoleon Dynamite are you?!?!?!
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| You scored as Shetland Pony. You are quick tempered and show it.|
What Horse breed are you? pics
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Tuesday, December 20, 2005
| You scored as Dragon. Dragon: Now talk about a legend. These magnificent creatures are of many species. Some can be as large as the Earth itself, while others are as small as a mouse. One image that comes to everyone's mind is the large, fire breathing Dragons that loathed humans and loved to sleep on massive piles of gold. Not all dragons have a bad reputation. Most dragons are very wise, caring, and protective. It would make a person very lucky indeed to meet a dragon. Especially if they walked away untouched. I admire your wisdom, for you are the Ancient Dragon.|
What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
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| You scored as Emma Woodhouse. Emma is possibly one of the most loyal characters of Austen, always wanting better for those around her and doing all she possibly can to make it happen. Her motives sometimes get in the way of her good intentions and her own opinions can end up ruling her actions, but she has a good heart. She loves to be social and is welcoming to most, unless they are too silly to tolerate. While she sometimes changes her behavior to make others feel comfortable, she knows who she is and is always bettering herself.|
Which Jane Austen Character are You? (For Females) Long Quiz!!!
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Monday, December 19, 2005
Homies, see you in a few months cos I'll be back! Will be joining the baking school on Jalan Keretapi to pass the time and will spend the rest of my time picking my brother up from school and taking him to lunch and swimming and badminton...
This week has gone by really quickly and now my last Christmas in London is fast approaching. Have said my Christmas holiday goodbyes and have hosted a respectable number of parties the last year. Will be having a sleepover at mine for the Christmas weekend and have got a mountain of reading to do. Sang with all my might at carol service last night even though I had a very sore throat and now it is retaliating.
I've made some amazing friends; friendships that I'm sure will last regardless of years gone by or miles apart and I can't thank them enough for sticking by me when I was being 'stupid,' tolerating my over analytical nature, silent treatment and grumpy mornings, giving me God-centered advice and kicks up my backside when I needed it, for forgiving and helping me trust, for supporting decisions I was unsure about, for holding me down and building me up. Do we really want names? For now they shall remain unsung heroes but in Heaven I'll be able to thank them for eternity until they gt tired of me repeating stories for the millionth time to the millionth person.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Words may never hurt me, but they can certainly change me.
James 3:7-9 (New International Version)
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
After 27 rounds of fowl play, over a thousand meters of kitten canonballing, aquatic greed, Strictly ballroom, Blade and too many Milkyway chocolates on Saturday, we did an all-nighter into Sunday! And so, to treat ourselves, between 5.30 and 6.30am, we put up, for the last time together, our Christmas tree for the year. To add to the joy of Christmas... I put on the worst, cheesiest Christmas music - according to Elena, that is. I went to bed at 7am and woke at 3pm. Grudgingly decided to go to church so went in a skirt which I thought was too short anyway but I felt rebellious. Made up for it slightly by wearing a chunky sweater and knee high boots. However, as many people point out and which I have experienced myself, the days when one feels most unwilling to go to church yet goes, are the days when some of the best news is given, where wise words make life understandable again, where hope is sparked and where direction is refocused.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
|You Are Creepy|
|You Have a Choleric Temperament|
You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.
You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.
At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.
|How You Live Your Life|
|Your Brain's Pattern|
|Your Personality Is|
You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!
Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.
You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.
In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.
At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.
With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.
As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.
On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.
|You Passed 8th Grade Math!!!|
Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Capable of failing
Capable of not failing
Incapable of failing
Incapable of not failing
Prima facie, the first and last sentence and the second and third sentence should tally hence,
1) Capable of failing = Incapable of not failing and
2) Capable of not failing = Incapable of failing.
Nevertheless, if we look at the second couplet closely, do we see a numerical probablility loophole? If someone is capable of not failing, does that automatically mean he will be incapable of failing? To say one is capable of not failing is to assume that while he is capable of not failing, there is a possibility that he will still fail. He who is capable of passing does not warrant an inevitable pass; he could still fail. The second half of the equation however credits to the person the impossibility of failing; he will always pass, there is no probability of him ever failing. So, the first and second halves of the second equation do not add up for while one could fail (although he has the potential not to), the other simply cannot fail, whether he wants to or not; it is outside his will.
Now, we shall look at the first equation to see if we get the same impossible answer. If someone is capable of failing, he could choose to fail on purpose or he could, despite his strongest and most ardent efforts, still fall short of passing. To be incapable of not failing; to be incapable of not being able to fail; to be incapable of passing. One who is incapable of passing will undoubtedly fail, using the same deduction put forward in the above argument. So, someone who is capable of failing, cannot be equated with someone who is incapable of not failing for where one could fail, whether up to choice or not, the other cannot possibly pass.
At first glance, it seems that just by placing double negatives and antonyms in certain places (see equation (1) and (2)), we can come up with sentences which match logically and truthfully. However, I think it's pretty clear that we can't.
Capable of failing = The ability to fail, whether purposefully or inevitably - subjective.
Capable of not failing = The ability to pass although failure is still possible - subjective.
Incapable of failing = No longer about the ability of the individual, the individual will pass; statement of fact and therefore both truthful and unquestionable - objective.
Incapable of not failing = Again, not about ability, the individual is incapable of passing - objective.
However, if I were to say, "The sparrow is incapable of flying," assuming I'm talking about a 'normal' sparrow and not one that is maimed, handicapped, hatchling or dead, my statement would be wrong as everyone else would realise that sparrows do fly. How can my statement be wrong though, if it is objective? The problem lies within imposing objective rules on subjects. The objective "Incapable of flying" would be correct in respect to cars, trees, cows (except in hurricane storms - even in The Cat and the Fiddle nursery rhyme, the cow jumped over the moon not flew over it). However, applied to simply any subject without consideration, makes it a subjective statement which will still need to be measured against objective theories such as the Theory of Gravity and of aerodynamics to prove its objective worth.
NB: I thought of the above while trying to understand the philosophy behind agnosticism but that'll prove too long a blog.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
On another cartoon note, my life has just potentially taken a turn ala Beauty and the Beast style where Belle is trapped in the castle. Sounds melodramatic? Ah well, that's just me.
Friday, November 25, 2005
|Men See You As Understated|
I think I can say quite honestly for all the guys I know that they do not feel an urge to protect me. They're just 'concerned' that they might accidentally (or on purpose) sit on me. Yeah, I flirt with my customers... old man with double espresso and japanese chocolates, Sam with a large mocha, Dan Joyce black Americano, American guy with long, curly, brown hair has a variety, Andrew Van Duzer, Ben Ayers - like the rock in the middle of Aussie, some ginger guy whose surname is Buttersworth, a Mexican who says he's not really there for the coffee...
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Read this - Shrew. the animal in you - it's absolutely brilliant. I felt like they were talking about me except when it read, "Cursed with an overactive metabolism." Egotistical and paranoid.
Or could I be a penguin?
But the test also said that I could be a wild dog.
It really should make up its mind.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
75 - 100(%)
Commitment-Phobic: Your fear of relationships is costing you happiness. You may want to take steps to break your pattern.
Elena said that it was true. Am I unhappy? I don't think so. Elena said that I'm in denial but the fridge is still full. I've not eaten everything yet so am not desperately unhappy. Can anyone tell me how I can break this pattern though? I don't want to be routine. Maybe I should go on a blind date. How's that for change? I might actually meet someone who wants an Alsation called Jerry Lee. Do I want to break this pattern? It might stop me from living in the dessert though... unless, I found someone who wanted not only an Alsation called Jerry Lee but also several hundred acres of space and separate bathrooms. Many people think wanting separate bathrooms and bedrooms an oddity but I think absence makes the heart grow fonder. Does anyone agree with me or am I just a random nutcase?
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Cos guests of 15 I have to feed,
Table for 10 I only have,
Fitting 15 in place of 10 is naff.
Do people mind sitting on the floor?
The answer to that I really don't know,
For a few obliged to squat last year
but what if this year's guests have less cheer?
On the floor I would willingly sit,
If 4 others would join me, there'll be a nice fit,
Everyone will get turkey after all,
And potatoes and stuffing and pumpkin galore.
Still, I wish I had enough seats and leg room,
Yet maybe one day soon (or not),
I'll have hundreds of guests in my ger,
And in the dust, they'd be slammin' their rears :)
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
For example, something has happened that has mad me furious - I have to say, it doesn't take a lot to make me mad when it's the right person (or wrong person) but generally my threshold of tolerance is quite high. But anyway, I fuming and wondering how much damage I can do without going against the law when Sarah reminds me over breakfast that it's not a good idea because I don't have the right to be angry and so don't have the right to hurt. Strange how we view justice isn't it? A father runs the man who accidentally killed his son over with a truck and the jury gives him a lighter sentence even though his (the father) actions were tantamount to a harsher sentence. Our worldly sense of justice is peverted and as much as Christian lawyers and judges try, it will never be short of perversive and unjust. The funny thing was I woke up this morning and thought to myself, " I could actually go up to so and so and have a civil conversation" but I dismissed the thought because it didn't seem logical; one doesn't just go up to an enemy and say "Good morning." Or should he? I guess my very short conclusion to a very short expansion, is that that it's not my place. I've only just remembered the last line of a talk I heard on Friday, "Jesus in my place." Thank goodness! Jesus in the place of all the stupid things I've said, taking the blame for all my impure thoughts, cruel actions, malicious tongue. If Jesus didn't take my place, I would still 'have' my rights and what a price I would have to pay for them.
Monday, November 14, 2005
I'm feeling quite 'pro' today as opposed to the antagonist roles I usually fill. Woke up bright and early to walk in to complete my first essay. Let it be known that it is now complete and I only have one more essay to write before 3pm this afternoon. My whole hearted zeal (hahahahahahaha) in my work should satisfy my 'student' qualifications. I received a love letter proposing potential marriage from an unknown person in Arab this morning which, can fall under 'random things that happened today' and I've had one pain au chocolat - so my chocolate craving is sated - for now. I could have had two but the chances of Andy's reprimand stopped me. He's my therapist - I have to be honest - there's no point lying to your therapist. Also, to move things along, my parents have decided to paint our house. Blue. Ocean Blue. On the outside. Great. No, I mean it. Great!!! The only house standing out like an iceberg in a row of warm, peachy coloured semis and detaches. And I don't mean iceberg lettuce. I mean proper, stonking iceberg. We'll probably adopt a penguin next or a polar bear. I never thought my parents were weirdos. Now I know where my genes come from. They live in self-denial, chide me for wanting to be over-the-top and then go off to paint our house blue. The other thing is that because my dad works 6 days a week, the house only gets painted on Sundays; when the whole family can pitch in. I think the neighbours will have something to talk about for at least the next month or so then hopefully they'll get bored. Having a blue house has many advantages. It wouldn't look so sad in the rain, it matches nicely with the green palms and it's a sure fire conversation starter... "You see that blue house. Yeah, the weird one standing out like a sore thumb... I live there. Boo."
So yeah, lots of stuff happening today. Dreamt about my friend Brian last night and guess what? This morning he emails and asks a bunch of us to pray over some situation. Hmmm... if my dreams tally with requests, I will be expecting several phone calls... Will be going to either IMAX or Wagamama with Vic today. Has been a long time coming. We used to have Thursdays as 'our' day but now it has shifted to Mondays.
Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm going to cook the biggest turkey I can carry in the supermarket. Or maybe I'll get Sean to come along cos he can carry more. Last year Elena carried the turkey and I'm surprised she's still standing. All I could do was roll in over the other dead birds, up the freezer wall into the trolley and up the side of the trolley onto the conveyor belt. I have a new jacket and have received mixed comments about it. One person said it made my legs look thinner... another said it made me look like an ewok. For those who don't know what Ewoks are, check out the Star Wars stuff - they're the short, furry creatures who are about as tall as they are wide (see above).
Friday, November 11, 2005
I have a Tort essay due tomorrow evening.
I have a Media essay due Monday evening.
I sing radio songs out loud whilst serving people at the union.
I use a 30 inch ruler with a piece of blue tack attached at the end to press the buzzer letting people into the gym because I don't want to leave my seat :)
I once asked a woman on the bus to ding the ding-dong bell.
The only person who has ever made me doubt chocolate is Andy Roberts.
I still think of Martin's green MG (sports car).
I will be making chocolate puddings with gooey centres for dinner tomorrow.
Fireworks have a sentimental value attached in my life.
I say "Thank you" and "You're welcome," more than a hundred times a day.
I think too much.
I fell in the St Hugh's (Oxford) dining hall. With my dinner. Twice.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Monday, November 07, 2005
Most people respond to emotionally-charged, negative situations by either becoming incensed or by crying. There are a lucky few who are able to remain static come hail or high water. As I come to recognise that being angry is wrong and that brooding harms only me and try to change, to my chagrin, now-a-days whenever I find myself in sticky situations, I find myself more apt to cry than to get angry! For someone who dislikes crying in private (horror of horrors if I cried in public!!!), I have to wonder, have I come far at all or have I just regressed? There was a time when I didn't have to bother with water-proof mascara and now I almost have to think to myself whether I need it. Awful stuff growing up is. I should just lock myself away in a cabin until I mature into a ripe 75.
My life is like a see-saw. At the point when my involvment with Gospel work seems most intense and when I'm most excited and encouraged and challenged, my personal life takes a tumble and drives me mad - not happy mad, not angry mad, consuming-my-life-heart-stuck-in-my-throat mad. And when I think my personal life is growing and fitting into place, my desire for evangelism grows complacent and dry. At what cost to myself to be Heavenbound? My heart, my future, my dreams, my comforts, my life. As Christian did in John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, with my fingers to my ears, I need to echo "Life, life, eternal life!"
Friday, November 04, 2005
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
As I prayed last night, I realised that I had forgotten how good it was to talk to God. I have been so stressed about nothing compared to the promises God has given me. Revelations speak of the blessings waiting for us; no more tears or curses or pain or separation from the one person (or should I say three) who matters.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Will be going for my first full body deep tissue/ holistic massage after this and I can't wait!!!!! My concern is that I'm ticklish so Andy might get mad at me for giggling and twitching cos then he wouldn't be able to do his job properly. Plus, I get it FREE cos I'm a loyal member of staff :)... who helps scavenge unwanted chocolate... and smoothies. So, I don't think he'll want to spend time on me when he can serve a paying customer. I've wanted a proper massage for ages - my back has been really sore lately and as a result I keep on cracking my neck, shoulder blades and backbone, which sends bullet shot sounds to the person sitting next to me or behind me in church... namely Alice Finch. The only other thought trailing in my mind is that after watching a trailer of American Psycho, I don't know if I really want to be alone in a room with a strange guy I've not met before. The aromatheraphy candles and calming music could just be another way to lull me into a false sense of security and then.... WHAM!!! Eee-eee-eee (sounds effects of blade being raised and slashing me to bits). Oh well, if I have to go, he'd better have lavender candles and animal related music.
Music inspired by George Stubbs and the horse would be good (you can get the CD from the National Gallery; it's got Mozart and Strauss I AND II on it) or any 'nature' sounds ie dolphins, waterfalls, blue whales or something like that. When I went to Aussie, I found several CDs on 'nature' music but didn't get any but I'll always remember swaying in the music store without a care in the world listening to the same sample soundtrack over and over again. Ah, good days my time in Aussie were.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Because I don't want to stay the same.
Because I don't want to settle for less.
Because I don't want to miss out on opportunities.
Because I want to run away from the life I'm living now and the problems I have to face up to.
So, do I really need to run away? Changing my mind would be change so I wouldn't stay the same. Aiming to change would mean I wouldn't settle and changing my mind would open me to opportunities that I could have if I stayed the same, although that could also mean losing opportunities that I couls have had I stayed my course and kept my decision to run. The problems I now have are a result of my innate nature and so will be with me (probably, unless I give myself a heavy and large dose of un-Debbie medication) no matter where I run to. In that, running away seems almost hopeless, doesn't it?
I guess the question can only fully be answered by knowing what I want to flee from. So, what do I want to run from? But then... the proportion of what and who is about the same. But lest I betray, I should stop there.
On a happier note, I'll be seeing Howard tonight - my link to LCF. My dad turned 50 yesterday. He's half a century old!!!
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Maybe I don't want to seize. Maybe I just want things to happen as they happen. Maybe I just want something au natural. We have enough man-made products in this world and by that I don't mean products of reproduction. I just want things to fall into place. Do they just happen or do we have to push something for something else to fall. Domino effect. Or maybe the things that I want to happen and say I want to happen and don't, aren't things I really want to happen anyway because I'm not chasing after them to happen the way I chase after dogs to photograph them. Hmmmm.....
My plan for Mongolia is one thing that's fitting together nicely in my life - but that's because I took the first step (or God did - if you prefer to answer everything with divine intervention). Questions I had in my head have been answered. People I didn't know I wanted to meet are emailing me with situations and pointers that seem to guide me in the right direction. I can't wait to go even though it might be only in chapter 12 of my life and I'm only on chapter 3. I can't wait to live in a ger and own 2.5 camels and get a saddle butt from riding all day. But I will wait and I must because as much as I am excited about the future, rather than dreading it as I was a few months ago, there're things and people in the here and now which and who are equally important, if not more important in relation to today.
I guess in some cases, I could have more 'carpe diem' in my life. But in so many ways, carpe diem is just one other way in which everything is brought together. Perhaps, not having as much carpe diem as I want makes life more exciting.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
I'm going to Spain the end of October to see Andalusian horses (and see Hazel and Helen)! The same kind all the Zorros rode.
I'll never know how much work a worker really works until I graduate. Somehow summer jobs don't seem to give a good measure of exactly how much.
I am incorrigible.
We (Sarah, Elena and I) are going to see Fame - say my name :) - when her loan gets through.
There's this really nice place called Cubana round Lower Marsh that I want to bring lots and lots of people to, only one at the time because then we get to sit in this cute area that looks like a crow's nest (as in the one on the pirate ship and not an actual crow's nest; that'll just be messy).
I felt very poor after writing a cheque out, emptying most of my bank account into tuition fees, this morning.
The lion I danced with is a very good dancer indeed (answering Elena's question) and he's sweet and kind and asks me how I'm doing and pats my head when I am down. I take offence when Mo (boss) asks how the 'teddy bear' is doing. Reggie is NOT a teddy bear! He's a lion.
Have been cycling for 2 weeks and nearly got run over twice at the Elephant and Castle roundabout by white modes of transport, supported myself on a vehicle, which then (surprise, surprise) moved and I fell over and got stopped by the police for not having lights on in the dark - I had them in my bag but thought they were at home. Juvenile delinquent.
Went to Wagamama's last night and although the food was as good as always, it's not the best place to have deep, meaningful conversations cos half the words get lost in the noise.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
This is the second week running that I've been busy back to back. Even CU last night was 'busy'; full of busy people with busy agendas and busy efficiency. Argh. All I want for Christmas is some chilled out time!
*A brief interjection from Sophie (who has the misfortune of working with Deborah at KCLSU)* I would like to state for the record that Deborah has finally cracked and is performing the tango with a stuffed lion. Please God, someone help me.... what the hell has she been smoking?? Love Sophie x
So, yesterday I found myself sitting next to Alex Hiendl(?), ex Law soceity president and I think he's a really nice, 'sweet' guy. Previously, I thought he was a stuck-up, arrogant fake - not the first president to fall under judgement either.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I don't know what made yesterday particularly hard but it was and as a result I grudgingly decided to go to prayer supper. Told Andrew that if I had felt better, I wouldn't have gone to prayer meeting so thank God I felt bad?? I don't think the two contradict one another. Made further cutting remarks throughout the evening and as the night wore on, wondered if by the end of it, I would have any friends left. Nah, wasn't as bad as I thought. As long as I get into the 'Everybody loves Debbie' mode, I am usually compliant and generous with suggestions for food outings. Elena said that in our first year in CU, she thought I was the CU 'pet.' Great. This puppy has morphed into the three-headed, steak eating Cerebus.
Had my first seminar of my last year yesterday and my first lecture of my last year today. Nearly fell asleep in both of them. Perfect start to an unpredictable year. Quite a few people I want to know better are in my classes and that makes me very excited. Already I'm envisioning cooked dinners and trips to Starbucks and fun Law Balls and guest dinners and dialogue suppers. Introduced myself to a few new associates with some very cool names and by the looks of it, this year will prove as fun as it will be exciting. One more year to go, or less than that and I'm going to make sure my last year in London go a long long way indeed. I feel like having a carbonated beverage now so will leave you to ponder on this;
For God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. (emphasis mine)
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
1. Live in Mongolia
2. Live in Paris
3. Own a BIG dog
4. Learn how to ride a horse (and a motorbike)
5. Either skydive/ parachute jump etc (no bungee jumping)
6. Be involved
7. Live to the full in Christ
Seven Things I Can Do
1. Eat lots of chocolate
2. Take pictures of random dogs
3. Ask guys for their numbers without feeling embarrassed
4. Make brownies
6. With Christ in the vessel, I can smile at the storm
7. Look up into tall people's nostrils
Seven Celebrity Crushes
1. Colin Firth
2. Richard Gere
3. Val Kilmer
4. Keanu Reeves
5. Dean Cain
6. Gary Rhodes
Seven Favourite Food
1. Deep fried buttered prawns
3. Oyster pancakes
4. Beef noodles
5. Grandma's cooking
6. Juicy steak/ lamb
7. Full English Breakfast
Seven Random Facts About Me
1. I used to cut my eyelashes
2. I talk to inanimate objects
3. I have a red top with a horse on the front
4. I went shopping with Martin in my first year for an espresso machine
5. I pace up and down when agitated
6. I bruise easily
7. I like the window seat in the plane
Seven People I Want to Tag
Mark Darcy: [Bridget gets out of bed covered in a sheet and begins to fumble around] What on Earth are you doing?
Bridget Jones: Getting dressed.
Mark Darcy: Why're you dancing around in that tent business?
Bridget Jones: Because I don't want you to see any of my wobbly bits.
Mark Darcy: Well now that's a bit pointless isn't it. As I happen to have a very high regard for your wobbly bits. In all circumstances.
I know of no guy packaged like that in real life hence, the only chance I have of spending time with one is to watch BJ2 fanatically. Ironically, if I did ever meet a Mr. Darcy equivalent in real life, I'd probably be furious with the social ineptness of His Royal Pompousness, he'd be on my list of worst enemies rather than best friends. Urgh. Forget reading what men want or what men are like, I don't even know what I'm like or what I want.
Anyway, enough day dreaming. Will have to return BJ2 to Blockbuster tonight and return to normality. Am hungry although I had a Kinder Hippo, Cheese and Onion Pringles and Daim bar... last night.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
I'm not even British and I feel possessive over this territory. People like that guy I confronted this morning set my nerves on edge. Do we tell someone outright when we believe they are in the wrong? Or do we wait and collect information, getting it absolutely right, before pouncing? I find it very hard to be a 'loving' Christian although I wouldn't say I'm judgmental. However, to a certain extent, we all are. My temper and sense of black is black and white is white causes me to be frustrated when some say "It's okay if black is sometimes white" or when they use loopholes through the letter to overcome the principle of a statement. When I'm frustrated I remove myself from the situation because one, I don't want to say something I might regret and two, if I tried to and the person still didn't 'get it' , I'd be so angry, I'd rage and boil and be overwhelmed that going away and calming down would be the best thing for both the person I'm angry at and especially spiritually, for myself.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Saturday, September 17, 2005
One of the books I read was the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Other than making me laugh and go all paranoid about how I should treat guys in the future and asking Daniel lots of questions about how men think, I found the book light-hearted and as a Christian, I'll try not to take it too seriously because all relationships should be based on Christ, our cornerstone and head. The other book I read was a novel by Sarah Turnbull titled Almost French. I might get it for my own book collection one day as it gave me an incredible amount of insight to French ettiquette and culture in a humourous way. In a nutshell, an Australian girl meets a French dude and moves to Paris with him and tries to fit in. I took away from the book, amongst other things, that in the future if I were to go to the baker/ grocer/ butcher/ etc, I should not go in jogging bottoms or anything that isn't short of chic because, "It is not nice for the baker." It isn't heretical to want to dress well, I guess. Anyway, until maybe tomorrow or the day after, I'll leave you at that. I might go to the National Gallery tomorrow afternoon after church because the art and artifacts in the Lourve has swung open an area I want to explore. I can't pronounce French artiste names fluently and I'm more likely to get the back up of art fanatics due to my lack of intuition as yet, but this is one sea that this sponge wants to soak up.
Monday, September 12, 2005
There are times when I wish that I refrained because I remembered that as Christians, we're not meant to swear rather than because I just want to keep the peace, even if the 'peace' was only on the surface. Why are we not meant to swear? Oh ya, cos it says so in the B-I-B-L-E. Don't swear because we can't turn one hair on our heads black or white. Results due to dye or tint does not count. There are times when I wish I could say to someone, "Yup, I did my quiet time today" but when I do take part in quiet time, I feel almost sheepish when people ask me if I had done my quiet time that day. To go by quietly or to go with a bang? To fall into line or to go against the grain? To sight see as much of Paris as I can or sit in the apartment reading by the wndow, enjoying the sights from there? To go for frog or stick by bread (I have eaten frogs by the way)? What is a radical Christian? Is it someone who plans ahead or someone who lives for the day?
Saturday, September 10, 2005
I am in a silly mood at the moment. I-want-to-kick-myself silly and how-could-I-have-said-that(??!!) silly. Unfortunately I can't kick myself so I finished a whole tube of Cheese and Onion Pringles and washed that down with Coke for breakfast, after a bowl of pesto pasta with feta cheese and chicken plus one gobstopper - I wish I had 10. I'm in a silly mood and I don't even know why. I want to kick someone, something, anyone, anything. Anyone willing to be my guinea pig? My punching bag? My stress buster? It's not even that time of the month. Did I just say that aloud???!! Ahhh... it doesn't matter. Maybe not very shrewd but perhaps a shrew? Maybe I should sign up for the tennis at St H. However, at the moment, I want a game where I can really smash the ball and if I do that in tennis, the ball is more apt to fly over the wall than over the net. Maybe I should sign up for baseball - no wait, that's American. I did think about mountain climbing but as someone who's scared of heights, I don't think I should. My palms get sweaty, my muscles twitch and freeze sporadically and my teeth chatter. My feet are sweating just thinking about it. The only person who ever 'cured' me temporarily was my climbing instructer, Maurice but he's not here anymore :( I need an aggressive sport, aggressive but not necessarily extreme. Or maybe a 'calm' sport would do me good, if there's such a thing. Something that will teach me patience and cultivate intelligence, strategy staging and critical thinking at the same time. Chess. I need chocolate. I need Jesus more. Or maybe Briget Jones Diary; the Edge of Reason. Afterall, I am on the edge.
My plans for the next year is to get a decent degree and do whatever comes naturally to third year law students who like chocolate and dogs. After that, it will be home to Malaysia to preach to loin-clothed men and just maybe a rare trip to Papua New Guinea cos there're cannibals there, I believe. During that time, I hope to get involved in the judiciary in one way or another and keep in touch with JCS so that maybe I'll be able to spend about 10 or so years in Mongolia in the future. How does that sound? How old will I be then? Hmmm... 1 plus 2 or 3 plus 10... 35 years old. Ahhh... still young enough. Where else could I go? Will definitely have to make a trip to Montanna and Western Canada and see the Niagara Falls and I hope to see a liger (product of a male lion and a female tiger) before I expire.
Since Australia and London, where I am now, I have only briefly been to Australia, Singapore and more recently to Paris and Wales, although I did start my travels in Hong Kong, aged two, in a white dress with green umbrella prints all over. It was the first time I saw dolphins and killer whales live and I had an Fn'N orange drink and fries (no chocolate surprise, surprise). However, I will be going to Paris next week for a week, which I'm extremely excited about (can't wait to get out of London and 'see' the world) and maybe during reading week, to Spain for a week and then somewhere during the Christmas holidays - maybe Cardiff or Dublin. And then Paris again next Spring and possibly either in between or after, to Greece or Turkey and Moscow or Norway. I also want to go to Poland and maybe Lithuania or Latvia. I'll probably travel Europe once over before I go back to Asia. I would also like to revisit Hong Kong - I wonder if Seaworld has changed much.
Have to go and tidy up the coffee machine now. Thanks for listening.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Sesame prawn balls, lemon cake, bacon and mushroom quiche, traffic light jelly (without the stop light), spring rolls, chargrilled chicken pasta, cold dish, brownies, cocktail sausages with satay sauce... what else do I need to prepare??? I bought 6 giant sunflowers and then scrambled round the house trying to place them in wine bottles and milk bottles... stuffed the overgrown stalks in viciously more like it.
Went to Konditor and Cook yesterday for the first time and hyperventilated (sort of) at all the very-bad-but-exceedingly-rich goodies and went away with the largest meringue I've ever had. Held it gingerly in my two paws and nibbled around the edges, feeling more and more like a rodent as the time passed. The aftermath of the meringue was an evil monster of a rodent... something similar to the giant rats that attacked Miss Buttercup in The Princess Bride (see above). Ah, that is a scary thought.
I am currently giving out TFL forms and filling them in at the union, stamping them with a vengeance and writing the date with a flourish. Sometimes when I'm feeling catty and supremely powerful, I scrutnise every little detail and watch as my 'clients' squirm under my eagle eye. Hahaha... yeah right. Met a guy who does Law and I think I'll give him a call to sell my books. One of the advantages of working at a union is that I get to meet lots of (nice) people who study at Waterloo and almost everyone from Stamford Street; a reasonable group of freshers no doubt. My scheming mind has already conjoured up ways to get into freshers' unsuspecting lives to tell them the good news that is Christ Jesus resurrected. Didn't that sound like I was rattling it off a text book? But funnily enough, I believe in it.
Urrrrrr... tomorrow Victoria and I will meander the halls of The Natural History Museum and on Sunday, I will go to the National Gallery and see if I can get a pigeon to aim for my head. Come Monday I will be in Paris for a week!!!!!!... which reminds me, I need to get some traveller's cheques. After Paris, freshers week looms ahead and I'll be - again - working at the union from, get this, 6.45AM til 11am EVERYDAY, except Friday.
P/s Before Freshers' Week is over, I'll have a helix in my upper right ear :)