Sunday, August 08, 2004

Pain in the offering

Was thinking about the subject title over a bowl of baked-apple oatmeal for brunch. In light of the passing of my gramps and uncle, uncle J and Dr Tagal this year, I was thinking, what does 'pain' really mean? Sadness, grief, confusion, anger, shock, suffering, sorrow, inconvenience, unplanned for intrusions? We can share in pain, can know when someone is in pain, cause pain, sense pain, possibly soothe pain or make it more inflamed but can we experience wholly the pain any one person is suffering? We can share in it and talk about it but only the heart knows its own sorrow.

Proverbs 14:10
Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.

On one hand, it seems that God has spared me this year, at least emotionally, because being so far away from home, the full impact of the deaths have yet to hit me. Yet on the other hand, I sometimes feel robbed of grieving properly for them. I wonder why I'm not as upset as I should be and yet I answer my own questions by telling myself God is sovereign. But maybe that's how we're supposed to be; to grieve but at the same time, to take things as they are in the bigger scheme of things. Death is indeed depressing if there is nothing following it, nothing to proclaim after it, nothing to show our whole life's purpose. If we had nothing to show for our faiths and philosophies and ideals and morales, then why are we living now? What would all the pain and obstacles and progressions in our lives mean?

Is saying only one way to God and to eternal life politically incorrect or politically correct? The world is full of undead corpses. Yet Christians are as lights shining out. Imagination overload - I'm veering slightly towards Star Trek and am (in my imagination) seeing bodies beaming with light, flying out of the earth while skyscrappers and man-made structures disintegrate and rot, falling to the ground, filling the air with the stench of their rebellion and arrogance. When the Son of Man comes again, I have a feeling gory (as defined by cinematography) and glorious shall be intertwined.

Job 6:10
Then I would still have this consolation- my joy in unrelenting pain- that I had not denied the words of the Holy One.

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